Hybrid meetings

[BeCalmFox]

I started a new role in a senior position 3 months ago. Commute is 1.5 hours. Before I joined I told my boss that I had 2 small children and no family support and that I was sharing pick up and drop off duties with my husband. She agreed that I could WFH 2/3 days per week. She holds a regular meeting between me, her and a colleague on a Tuesday which is badged as either in person or remote. I almost always attend in person. Occasionally she changes it to a Monday but I normally can’t be in the office on a Monday due to drop off/ pick up duty. When that happens she and the colleague still attend in person and I join remotely. I feel at such a disadvantage doing this because the equipment is not great, neither is the hybrid meeting etiquette and I follow around 30% of what is being said, at best. They have both been at the organisation for a long time so I’m already playing catch up with their conversations so this added difficulty makes it impossible for me to keep up. I feel overwhelmed and stressed by these meetings. AIBU to ask if they would mind, on the rare occasion that I can’t attend in person, if the meeting could be held entirely remotely? Both of them have their own offices which are minutes walk from each other so they could easily join individually and if they wanted to catch up in person afterwards they could. It would just feel must more inclusive if we were all joining in the same way and I don’t see much inconvenience to them in doing so. AIBU?

I think YABU. You want two people, who will be situated just minutes away from each other, to meet remotely to satisfy your need to feel "included"? In what way are they not being inclusive?

Thank you. I’m genuinely picking up less than a third of what’s being said either because they are not speaking clearly or due to poor tech. I know a lot of companies have a rule of “1 dials in, all dial in” which I think is very fair. The meeting would be much more productive for all of us if I could actually follow it. It didn’t seem like a huge sacrifice for them to sit in their private offices and join remotely (rather than have to find a meeting room to meet in person) to improve the productivity of a meeting and also to be kind and inclusive to a colleague. I appreciate your perspective though.

YANBU.
I've always wfh, used to rarely dial into meetings, it was a bit hit and miss. Then of course during lockdown everyone started doing zoom meetings - much better. Now most of my colleagues are back in the offices - but multiple sites can join a meeting, I've no idea if any of them are in the same room or not because we're all 'in the meeting' , they're not talking to each other. Seems like that's the problem, they're not treating you as though you're equally in the meeting.

What platform is being used for the meetings? 10yrs ago, the tech at my old company was dire and I'd miss what was said and only hear part of what was said. I understand the issue OP because it feels like you are missing so much.
My current company use teams and I've never had an issue. The only caveat is if it was an entire room full of people and those not near a microphone are difficult to hear.
Could you record the meeting and listen to it again or read the transcipt? Ask for those meetings to be held on another platform- even just as a trial go 1 or 2 times?

How would the tech be any better though?

It’s teams but the screen and speakers are not great. It’s an old 19th century building and the room they use has terrible acoustics.

I’m a key part of the meeting so watching it back wouldn’t help massively as I’d still not be able to respond or take part in the discussion as it happened.

Would it be a huge inconvenience to ask them to simply join from their desks?

Yes if it's only three of you, it should be all remote or all in person, otherwise not everyone can be equally involved.

YANBU, just ask them. If they are always in the office they won't realise how difficult it is to hear through the speaker.

In the nicest possible way, when you ask, don't bother with the back story about school runs, commute, playing catch up to their lengthy history together - all of this detail is irrelevant to the situation.

The professional approach is to explain that sometimes you work remotely as agreed, but that you have a problem hearing the conversation during the weekly meeting because the technology in the meeting room is not great. On the few occasions when you are joining online please could they both join online too so that you can all see and hear each other. As you say, a lot of companies have a "if one dials in, all dial in" policy for this exact reason.

I feel your pain as hybrid meetings are the worst. I think you should ask your manager if they can be held on the days you are there as you struggle when you are remote, but I think you'll look a bit nuts if you ask them to also be remote if they are both in the office so I wouldn't say that

I know a few people who are managers in IT who say the best practice is for everyone to dial in, rather than hybrid, and the people in the same location should be on separate devices and not too close.

But as for asking, it's a real judgement call, they are already accommodating you to some degree. Maybe ask to give it a try and see what they think?

YANBU at all.
It's only three of you, I can't see why they would have a problem with this and if it was me I wouldn't hesitate to ask, or to agree if I was the one in the office.
It's not your fault that the equipment being provided isn't up to the task! I've been in this position myself, very frustrating when you can't hear what is being said, or who I'd saying what!

Thanks all - good to get both perspectives. It’s worth noting that on the one occasion when my boss hasn’t been in the office for the meeting, it was changed to all remote so she clearly sees the benefit of that so I’m hoping she’ll understand.