Whatsapp

[Hereiamagain111]

Long story and won't get into it as it's clear as day what's happening here in general due to other behaviours and just why I asked to see said list.

If a number is claimed as blocked on WhatsApp but then suddenly doesn't show at all on said blocked list.

Claims due to deleting number from phone.

When I've checked my own block list due to the odd scammer I've ofc never added in the first place. They still show.

Official WhatsApp site states once a number is deleted off the phone those go too from the list, but then how are mine still showing when never added let alone engaged with. But the block remains.

Only thing that is throwing me is a friend of mine that hates him and was blocked now isn't showing at all either.

Which would add up with the deleting of numbers he didn't want etc.

And yes I know if I feel like this needs to be asked I know the answer in general. It's very complicated and I just want clarity on this so I can find peace in my mind.

I have hundreds of phone numbers on my WhatsApp blocked list and I deleted those contacts after blocking. There is an option to clear numbers off the list/whole list at the top right corner under 'edit'.

Just double checked myself by deleting an unwanted contact that was on there.

Shock horror the number does still appear as expected. When raised this with him, there's a way to not by holding it down and unblocking.

And I'm meant to see this as okay. When all he's done is open a direct line of communication again with a woman he claims was hounding him.

Along with a few others he said he blocked as were annoying in game chat.

And now I'm getting abuse. Joy.

Why are you even looking in his blocked list? This is seriously unhealthy behaviour.

It is. I agree. It came up due to seeing a deleted chat log and nothing but a flirty response. After Id uplugged his phone which was only left as a family function to charge my own. Screen flicked on message was seen that confirmed a lot I had wondered due to his previous behavior.

And due to 8 months of emotional abuse after my dad died and leaving me with 2 kids while he randomly vanished for a long window which he claims is down to a mental break down and police involvement due to said abuse.

But all I saw was my husband leaving me during an especially vulnerable time with two very lost kids. And all his actions lead to cheating. Along with him moaning I didn't shag him enough during that period.

After it came out about his neurodiversity I had sympathy and wanted to remove those thoughts in general. Despite the pain it caused.

So ofc if I see a message come up after that, that looks flirty I'm going to raise a few hairs on my back and want clarity.

You unplugged his phone and it suddenly opened up his WhatsApp messages, specifically on a message to a woman? That's strange.

I agree it doesn't look good on me. But I asked as his defence was they're blocked anyway as they were annoying on said game. But didn't add up in a lot of ways.

I haven't touched his phone before that as it was glued to him. I never planned on actually expecting it to flick on as I changed which phone charged.

I was happy and having a lovely time finally seeing him accepted back with the family and all laughing. I just wanted to charge my phone.

After what I saw, I had a lot of questions due to how questionable his behaviour had been beforehand. And I already was wondering if I was right in accepting neurodiversity as an excuse. As I am and our kids are and we don't act like he does.

I wanted reassurance his story matched up with what he said it was.

If someone is bothering you and you hate it and don't want it, you don't have them on your instagram and also have their number. You also then don't unblock them when apparently they won't leave you alone.

It makes no sense and I've spent an evening on the phone to samaritains as it just doesn't.

I unplugged his phone and his WhatsApp message thingy on his lock screen showed the message purely by lighting up. As mine does. Mine always shows if only one message the start of it? When it's so short it's usually does come up. I'm forever forgetting to reply to messages as I feel I have as I've read them on my lock screen but then haven't?

I did then after seeing what I assumed looked dodgy as well, it clearly was. Look.

Which is when I noticed it was a deleted chat log. And his story didn't match up.

Hence the confusion now.

Regardless I know what needs to be done. He's put me through hell and leaves me panicking and on edge.

And as samaritains said after all he put us through he should be open to a talk and understand. Like he fakes in therapy. Yet all I get is random insults and abuse.

This is very upsetting for you and you need to get away from him. It's doing you no favours having to mull over the minutae of his dodgy behaviours. He may or may not be cheating. At this point it's not worth your energy. He's not worth your energy. You and the kids deserve better. I hope you can find the strength to say goodbye. And live your life without the fear and anguish he's caused you.

I did. I found happiness in general life. The kids slowly adapted to adjusting.

He then appeared claiming he had made himself homeless as couldn't be so far from us. He would stay in a tent apparently. He made noises about the risk of being cold, etc etc. I offered him the sofa. He then offered the kids essentially the world with all their favourite things being booked in, despite no awareness of how they struggle until they settle. Which ofc I was left to regulate.

Brought them a kitten. Then blamed me he couldn't afford rent anywhere else due to said kittens cost. She's lovely so I don't mind the kitten! She's been a comfort after the storms tbh.

By then I had started to find happiness again. He was being so nice. To the point I told him it was too much as it didn't feel real or natural.

But even then his phone was never to be seen. Yet before this we'd always be happy to let the other Google something or similar if our phone was on charge.

I'm not some creep out to spy on him.

It came up and part of me right now is wishing it bloody didn't. But also glad it did.

Could he be chatting with these women, then blocking them when around family, so that his phone won't show any notifications? Then unblock them when he's more free to talk?

This man is causing you pain in multiple ways. You need to realise he won't change, so you need to change your expectations. Do you want to continue living the life you have right now, with the pain, the doubt, the worry. Or do you want to be free of all that, to have a calm and peaceful house? You get to choose your own future here.

It doesn't matter if he has no money.
It doesn't matter if he has neurodiversity.
It doesn't matter if he is cheating.
It doesn't matter if he is suicidal.

What matters is you.

This is what I feel. As has happened in the past.

Which is why my heckles got raised.

When I've caught him out in the past it's been dark. Telling people he didn't think our daughter was his when he had a secret insta claiming to be a gentlemen. When I have social anxiety and don't leave the house bar at the time with him. While telling me he wants an abortion while sending me smiling picutures of him with other kids. And now I see things as they actually are, friendly with his ex. Who faced the same abuse so much she's got a court order denying direct contact with them. Especially then. I only do now due to my kids and that's kid focussed with other mums.

Nothing adds up.

When my dad died, and my daughter especially was struggling in school. So badly she was put on a sen plan after I really faught to help her.

I had to rehome my beautiful lovely boy as he was rehomable due to all the work I put in. For another dog that he just wouldn't listen to behaviour therapists or vets about. That made our lives hell quite frankly. As he wanted one bigger. I loved my dog. I put hours upon hours training him. He was all I ever had most nights when I was either hiding how upset I was from the kids or they were asleep. He was the dog keeping the other in line when I used to get corned.

I hate it all. I do.

What stops me is seeing how much my son is so attached to him. He was broken when he left.

And even now is a bundle of crazy joy when he's about.

I know he will lie and manipulate it all to claim victim due to what I directly know now. Even samaritains pointed out he's being nice as it suits.

He luckily doesn't shout. Yet wonders why I wait to speak.

But he's tonight alone started to do that hard stare. And I can't explain it but he does it whenever I'm close to something. Family know that look all too well.

Ive tried so many times. Everytime I do he comes back and pushes his mental health.

The moment he hates I'm content is when it gets worse. Either by behaviour when he's here or when he's not.

I'm just so tired

His mental health is not your problem, that is what his GP is for. He can seek help there.

Your son wanting him around is not enough. They can still have a relationship if he moves out. You matter too. Get him out.

I think you need more local support too. Please contact your GP and see if they can refer you to anything. It might be therapy, or a group, or a social prescriber or something else. Take any and all help.

In the meantime please contact Women's Aid. They will understand you, they will hear you, they will know the targeted help you need. Email or call them today.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

You don’t need to do that on WhatsApp. It has a very handy locked chats facility.