Will we be reported…?

Megapintofwine · 2024-08-26T19:05:09+00:00

AIBU to be worried…? Our 3 year old had the worst meltdown we’ve seen this afternoon while he was with my DH and my DH walked away (was definitely not the right thing to do which he agreed to in hindsight) but in the meantime my DS started hitting his head and scratching his face. By the time we got to him (I was not in the same room) he scratched his face so hard he now has bruises on both sides… He’s in nursery tomorrow and we also have his vaccination appointment in the afternoon, are they likely to report us for this…? Just to say we are both 100% aware my DH did the wrong thing walking away from him when he was so upset - he made a lapse of judgement and wanted to give him a minute of space as he was sending him away. He is mortified that he failed our DS today, so please spare comments around our mistake, I’m just looking for some advice/reassurance around what to expect as I’m really worried.

Thistooshallpass24 · 26/08/2024 20:09

Small children are often irrational because they can't convey their emotions well. They are hard work and do test you.
I'm not sure what nursery will say but I'm sure you are not the first or the last for something like this to happen
Arnica will help soothe the bruises

Hoppinggreen · 26/08/2024 20:10

Bloody Hell woman, stop being so hard on yourself and your DH. Nobody failed your DS.
Your child had a meltdown and it may be that walking away was the right thing to do and nobody will report you becuse you have done nothing wrong.
Please try to calm down and chill out a bit or you will have a very difficult time of it and so will your DS

Bibbitybobbity70 · 26/08/2024 20:18

Your child had a meltdown at home. DH walking away to another room instead of getting angry & responding by shaking/shouting or similar is the by far the best thing to do.

Wimberry · 26/08/2024 20:19

Worst case scenario they report it because the bruises are seen to be in an unusual place (eg bruises on forehead are common when toddlers are tumbling, elsewhere not so much) IF that were to happen, usually it would be arranged that your toddler would be seen by a specialist paediatrician (with you) and they would look the injury and give an opinion to social services as to whether your explanation fits with the injury they've seen.

It's impossible to know if nursery would report, but if they do please remember that it's there as a safety net for children who are being hurt behind closed doors, no one is interested in finding problems that aren't there. I have been to plenty where the paediatrician has said the injury was a genuine accident, or something where parents are given some support or advice (eg if it's an accident that could have been prevented, or related to a child having SEN, etc).

Original poster

Megapintofwine · 26/08/2024 20:20

Hoppinggreen · 26/08/2024 20:10

Bloody Hell woman, stop being so hard on yourself and your DH. Nobody failed your DS.
Your child had a meltdown and it may be that walking away was the right thing to do and nobody will report you becuse you have done nothing wrong.
Please try to calm down and chill out a bit or you will have a very difficult time of it and so will your DS

Thank you, yeah I agree I’m probably overthinking it, the whole thing has just come so out of the blue (don’t get me wrong we’ve had our fair share of tantrums/challenging behaviour but never to this extent), and I’ve heard some stories around what parents have been reported for before so probably went into panic mode (I’m sure they’re few and far between but still 😊)

For what it’s worth DS has calmed down just as quick as the meltdown started and we had a lovely afternoon/evening, as if nothing had happened, he’s not bothered at all. It’s all just in my head ☺️

OP posts:

Ull · 26/08/2024 20:21

Just explain to nursery what happened and they will get a form to state what you said and then you sign it, that’s what I had to go when my 2 year old had a nasty accident at home and really hurt the side of his head, our nursery put it down on a form and then we signed it.

Original poster

Megapintofwine · 26/08/2024 20:21

Wimberry · 26/08/2024 20:19

Worst case scenario they report it because the bruises are seen to be in an unusual place (eg bruises on forehead are common when toddlers are tumbling, elsewhere not so much) IF that were to happen, usually it would be arranged that your toddler would be seen by a specialist paediatrician (with you) and they would look the injury and give an opinion to social services as to whether your explanation fits with the injury they've seen.

It's impossible to know if nursery would report, but if they do please remember that it's there as a safety net for children who are being hurt behind closed doors, no one is interested in finding problems that aren't there. I have been to plenty where the paediatrician has said the injury was a genuine accident, or something where parents are given some support or advice (eg if it's an accident that could have been prevented, or related to a child having SEN, etc).

Thank you so much for this explanation! And yeah I completely see your point, it’s always better to be safe than sorry…

OP posts:

Wimberry · 26/08/2024 20:31

@Megapintofwine it is unlikely if they don't have any other concerns, but if nursery are unsure they might refer - though even a referral doesn't mean a child would necessarily be seen. Ultimately the medics will decide if they see a child (they won't put a child through an exam unless they feel it's needed on balance, even though they do make them pretty relaxed and not stressful for the child). SS would ask the nursery if there were any other signs to be worried (eg if they'd been having other accidents at home that weren't referred in, but weren't seen to be clumsy when in nursery etc)

If they do refer, please keep in mind it might be other factors not you - eg less experienced nursery staff are understandably more likely to be over cautious; if there's been a recent issue of a child injured in their area that they know of they'll be more cautious, sometimes even just if staff have done a refresher safeguarding course they'll be more cautious! Hopefully you won't have to deal with that but if you did, I'm hoping the explanation of the process makes it a little less scary!

If it's any reassurance I was once with a parent as a child protection social worker, mum holding child on her hip, she stands back towards the door frame just as child decided to throw his head back and properly cracked his head. Instant egg. I saw the colour drain out of her face, poor girl! I think she expected me to snatch him off her, not offer a lift to the walk in centre to get him checked out (he was young and it was quite a thwack, he was fine though!)

Hoppinggreen · 26/08/2024 20:33

Ull · 26/08/2024 20:21

Just explain to nursery what happened and they will get a form to state what you said and then you sign it, that’s what I had to go when my 2 year old had a nasty accident at home and really hurt the side of his head, our nursery put it down on a form and then we signed it.

Really? I never did that with either of mine and DD is particular was often delivered to pre school with bumps and bruises. Plus when I was PS Chair it wasn't a policy we had
Maybe a nursery is different

MyOtherHusbandIsAWash · 26/08/2024 20:38

Hoppinggreen · 26/08/2024 20:33

Really? I never did that with either of mine and DD is particular was often delivered to pre school with bumps and bruises. Plus when I was PS Chair it wasn't a policy we had
Maybe a nursery is different

Show quote history

We have to do this, it’s an accident form they have on their ipads the same as if the accident was at nursery. It’s to cover them for parents blaming them for the injury as well as documentation for safeguarding. My son has had several large bruises from mishaps while climbing/playing so we’ve done it a few times.

OP: the best thing is just be honest with the nursery. Kids do weird things in meltdowns (ours scratches his neck) and nursery will have seem it before.

Leafygreen84 · 26/08/2024 20:41

I don’t think your DH did anything wrong in walking away. You need to calm down, you’ll deal with worse than a three year old tantrum!

Argu · 26/08/2024 20:43

OP my toddler had many accidents and it was commented on, but no one took any action. Please don't beat yourself up or your DH. I have walked away many times too. Better than losing control.

Original poster

Megapintofwine · 26/08/2024 22:12

Wimberry · 26/08/2024 20:31

@Megapintofwine it is unlikely if they don't have any other concerns, but if nursery are unsure they might refer - though even a referral doesn't mean a child would necessarily be seen. Ultimately the medics will decide if they see a child (they won't put a child through an exam unless they feel it's needed on balance, even though they do make them pretty relaxed and not stressful for the child). SS would ask the nursery if there were any other signs to be worried (eg if they'd been having other accidents at home that weren't referred in, but weren't seen to be clumsy when in nursery etc)

If they do refer, please keep in mind it might be other factors not you - eg less experienced nursery staff are understandably more likely to be over cautious; if there's been a recent issue of a child injured in their area that they know of they'll be more cautious, sometimes even just if staff have done a refresher safeguarding course they'll be more cautious! Hopefully you won't have to deal with that but if you did, I'm hoping the explanation of the process makes it a little less scary!

If it's any reassurance I was once with a parent as a child protection social worker, mum holding child on her hip, she stands back towards the door frame just as child decided to throw his head back and properly cracked his head. Instant egg. I saw the colour drain out of her face, poor girl! I think she expected me to snatch him off her, not offer a lift to the walk in centre to get him checked out (he was young and it was quite a thwack, he was fine though!)

Yeah it makes perfect sense when I take a step back and consider all you just said - thank you again for putting it into perspective for me, I really appreciate it! As a young parent with no knowledge of the process the thought of potentially being reported was really scary initially!

OP posts: