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Original poster

Can a teen stay in bed all day and be awake all night?

17 replies

Teensknowitall · 26/08/2024 11:35

Just as the title suggests. Can my teen stay in bed all day ,get up at silly o'clock (1pm) make plans to see friends etc ? (GCSE next year) I'm sick of it. 5 weeks of the holidays gone and no homework completed.

Asked several times to do homework and nothing being done. At the moment he is getting up in the during the night banging doors getting drinks, going to the toilet, not being mindful of others who are trying to sleep.

We have had a family holiday but apart from that they just want to see their friends which is understandable and only come out with me if they are getting something.

It's the staying asleep all day being awake all night that is getting to me now as when they do get up in the night they are so noisy disturbing everybody who is trying to sleep and some people in the household still need to go to work.

I have said from tonight they need to put their devices downstairs on charge as per school nights rules because they are back at school next week and they've still got assignments to complete.

I am now the worst of the worst and I have said no more friends coming over no more sleepovers, this is for their own benefit as they need to get into a routine again.

They have had plenty of money from me to do their own thing but there is no recognition of anybody else at all. I now think there comes a time when a stand needs to be made and money should be a privilege and not an entitlement.

I'm aware they do struggle academically and I have suggested in the past extra curricular homework clubs or lunchtime clubs and they've rebuffed this. They do hurry their homework so it is not done to the best of their ability and I do believe they can achieve better grades than what are predicted at the moment which is just scraping by.

I believe I have been fair and lenient the past few weeks but now enough is enough after it being woken up yet again several times in the night.

So as far as voting goes please vote I am being unreasonable if you think I should just leave them be let them sleep it's their holiday.

Or vote I am not being unreasonable if you think they've had more than enough chances and now they need to be accountable for their actions and think about other people in the house.

Also does anyone know why teenagers cannot shut cupboard doors or put bottle lids on properly?

Thank you if you got this far. Thoughts please

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 26/08/2024 13:05

I wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with this if:

  1. School stuff was done/scheduled to be done
  2. Late nights weren’t bothering anyone else in the house

My parents were never bothered what we did in the school holidays by that age as long as it wasn’t disturbing their sleep & our school stuff was done or at least planned to be done. They knew & trusted we would do the school work and so they never felt a need to put any pressure on us in that way. If they felt we wouldn’t do it or would rush it at the last minute I think they would have said “this needs done before you do X”.

Equally if we were disturbing them by being up late they would’ve made us aware (does he realise how noisy he is being?) and then if it didn’t stop they’d have done the same as you.

At that age he should be able to manage his time/responsibilities (friends vs school stuff) and should be considerate of others in the house, so if he’s not doing those things I don’t think it would hurt to help out.

That said though I don’t think many kids do much school work until the end of the break, only you know if he is aware of that and has time planned to do it.

Original poster
Teensknowitall · 26/08/2024 13:14

Mrsttcno1 · 26/08/2024 13:05

I wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with this if:

  1. School stuff was done/scheduled to be done
  2. Late nights weren’t bothering anyone else in the house

My parents were never bothered what we did in the school holidays by that age as long as it wasn’t disturbing their sleep & our school stuff was done or at least planned to be done. They knew & trusted we would do the school work and so they never felt a need to put any pressure on us in that way. If they felt we wouldn’t do it or would rush it at the last minute I think they would have said “this needs done before you do X”.

Equally if we were disturbing them by being up late they would’ve made us aware (does he realise how noisy he is being?) and then if it didn’t stop they’d have done the same as you.

At that age he should be able to manage his time/responsibilities (friends vs school stuff) and should be considerate of others in the house, so if he’s not doing those things I don’t think it would hurt to help out.

That said though I don’t think many kids do much school work until the end of the break, only you know if he is aware of that and has time planned to do it.

Thank you for your concise reply. It sums up the whole scenario really well. I just feel that there is a lack of respect for other people in the house. The homework will most likely get done this week but will be rushed and no doubt the standard could be a lot better. I don’t believe my son applies himself to the best of his ability and like all 15year-olds, his social life is the be all and end all! LOL however there comes a time when you need to be responsible for yourself or start to show that you can make responsible actions. I don’t want to be the nagging Mum but I don’t want to keep being woken up at night, neither . That makes for a grouchy mum LOL

I believe they think they are entitled to endless money endless Wi-Fi. iPhone is a given yet as much as I want my son to have these things I would like a little bit of respect back which is why I’m now reining it in.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 26/08/2024 13:19

I agree @Teensknowitall there’s nothing wrong with trying to help him manage his time better and also just learn that not everything is a given on his terms. Some kids get that themselves, some don’t, and if they don’t then somebody has to teach them. Maybe try to frame it that way rather than as a punishment, it’s a “helping you”?

It is such a tough one to navigate though. My brother has just been through this with my nephew last year in his GCSE year, you can make a 16 year old sit at the kitchen table with their revision/homework for 3 hours if you want to, but you just cannot make them revise, concentrate, work hard or take anything in, THEY have to want to do that bit. So if it’s at all possible maybe try to make the focus that revising/doing school work isn’t a punishment, it’s for their benefit, and of course that it’s not okay to be disturbing the whole house through the night!

Octavia64 · 26/08/2024 13:22

Without reading your message, just answering the question - yes, and they can keep it up for months.

Mine are now 24 and both went through phases of this.

Reading your message I see you object to it.

Personally in your shoes I would focus on the doing the homework and not disturbing others.

Notreat · 26/08/2024 13:24

My son was the same at that age. It was his body clock. And apparently that is the way teenagers are. I stopped trying to do anything about it . I just made sure he was up in time to go to school or for any exams etc. it was impossible to get him to sleep at night time though so I just gave up. You can't make someone sleep.
I'm pleased to say he did grow out of it. ! He is a perfectly respectable and successful man in his thirties now.
I would insist he didn't disturb you in the night though and that he be aware of others.
Re the homework I would remind him but ultimately he needs to be responsible for that himself.

AtTheTurnybus · 26/08/2024 13:25

I'd say just give up. Teenagers are just vampires.

ReadWithScepticism · 26/08/2024 13:27

Having read your op see that it isn't just the nocturnal lifestyle that is causing you concern,but other things too, like homework and a lack of regard for others in the house. But I just want to speak about the issue of being up all night and in bed all day. This was a feature of my son's life as he progressed more and more deeply into mental ill health.
I'm absolutely not saying that the nocturnal lifestyle was a cause, or that anyone who lives nocturnally is on the path to severe mental illness. But I just wanted to mention (for any parent who is watching their teen fall into this routine, not specifically for the OP) that , for people who are progressing towards psychosis, a reversal of night and day routines is often a feature.
It was such a grim and unnerving part of life with my son. It seems like your son, OP, is quite social, so he does sound different, but for others going through this it might be worth thinking a bit about the broader picture, and possible other signs of mental ill health.

newlyblended · 26/08/2024 13:27

My 3 are the same - i do work all nights though so it doesnt really bother me that much as they are pretty much on my schedule over school holidays

MumChp · 26/08/2024 13:29

I wouldn't care to do anything about it the last week. Why? You should have handled it the first week.
And yes, you can get teenagers to do homework and study but you need to be firm and realistic.

Original poster
Teensknowitall · 26/08/2024 13:31

ReadWithScepticism · 26/08/2024 13:27

Having read your op see that it isn't just the nocturnal lifestyle that is causing you concern,but other things too, like homework and a lack of regard for others in the house. But I just want to speak about the issue of being up all night and in bed all day. This was a feature of my son's life as he progressed more and more deeply into mental ill health.
I'm absolutely not saying that the nocturnal lifestyle was a cause, or that anyone who lives nocturnally is on the path to severe mental illness. But I just wanted to mention (for any parent who is watching their teen fall into this routine, not specifically for the OP) that , for people who are progressing towards psychosis, a reversal of night and day routines is often a feature.
It was such a grim and unnerving part of life with my son. It seems like your son, OP, is quite social, so he does sound different, but for others going through this it might be worth thinking a bit about the broader picture, and possible other signs of mental ill health.

Thank you for this . Luckily it’s just the school holidays the nocturnal child appears . It’s because bedtimes are more relaxed. And sorry you have gone through a traumatic time with your son.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 26/08/2024 13:33

I hated this when my teens did this during covid. Thankfully my DD had a lobotomy when year 10 started and went to bed early evening night for 2yrs and worked her socks off. I was climbing the walls with this during covid. If they are waking others up then no, they can’t keep doing it

Original poster
Teensknowitall · 26/08/2024 13:33

MumChp · 26/08/2024 13:29

I wouldn't care to do anything about it the last week. Why? You should have handled it the first week.
And yes, you can get teenagers to do homework and study but you need to be firm and realistic.

Like a previous post said you cannot physically make somebody do homework and revise. You can provide all the utensils they need but ultimately they need to want to do it for them self . Have a good day.

OP posts:
MumChp · 26/08/2024 14:10

Teensknowitall · 26/08/2024 13:33

Like a previous post said you cannot physically make somebody do homework and revise. You can provide all the utensils they need but ultimately they need to want to do it for them self . Have a good day.

Show quote history

Did you read realistic?
But yes, you often grund these skills before teenage age.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 26/08/2024 14:11

Not the point of the thread I know but kids get homework in the summer holidays now?

That was why the summer was so great, it was six weeks off with no homework to do at all! I don't think DD (just finished GCSEs) ever got homework either.

Glitterybee · 26/08/2024 14:14

I have two teens

one sticks to their usual sleep routine over the holidays and is the first one in the house up every morning

the other one is a whole other ballgame! Up all night and then sleeps until afternoon everyday

Ive give up trying to change this over the holidays. It’s just what they like to do when off school.

I see this time as their down time and have no expectations for schoolwork/homework to be completed (even when entering exam years).

DonnaSummet · 26/08/2024 14:14

My daughter has been the same, aged 14.
She is waking up about 3/4 p.m up all night, quietly though and then going to sleep at 6a.m ish... I hated it at first but just letting her do it now although I am worrying about getting back into a schedule for being back to school

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/08/2024 14:15

Can they? Yes they are capable of it, my son started doing it and he still does when he's not working.

Should they? Not every day, of course not.

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