‘Baby moon’ or holiday with baby next year?

[Truedot]

I know life will change hugely with a baby and holidays will be much different, but would like your advice!

I’m in my third trimester, and we’re yet to book any kind of pre-baby last overnight trip somewhere. Originally we thought we might like to go to a log cabin and go on some nice walks. It is really difficult to be able to plan this kind of thing due to DH’s work. As a result most of the nice places are fully booked on weekends so we’d need to go midweek. Not such a problem, but just questioning if it’s ’worth it’. I really like the idea of going and having some time to us but these are my reservations:

• I experience PGP and too much walking is definitely a trigger for sore hips. It’s worsening over time too.
• The obvious ones: I can’t drink and can’t go in any type of hot tubs or saunas that the hotel or Airbnb might have

If we go when baby is here (possibly late winter or spring, while she’s still young), yes we’ll have baby to think of but also the PGP won’t be a factor hopefully. We can go on nice walks with baby, I can have a drink with my dinner at the nice pub restaurant and I can have a soak in the hot tub whilst DH is with baby or while baby is asleep.

The place we’re looking at accommodates babies under 2 in the lodge and isn’t that far away from home.

It will be an either-or as our new mortgage rate is so expensive and we’re saving as much as we can for my maternity leave. Seems like a no brainer to wait, but will we regret not having one child free overnighter somewhere?

I would trust my mum wholeheartedly and she has offered to have baby for a night or a weekend on a semi-regular basis once baby is here and I feel ready to leave her. I know I may never want to leave her 😂 but it’s nice to have an option and not as though we are totally unable to go away ourselves once baby is here

YABU - definitely go before baby
YANBU - doesn’t make sense to spend a lot to go somewhere whilst pregnant and unable to enjoy doing everything

We went on holiday when dc1 was 5 months old. It is referred to as "that shit holiday in Portugal". DS decided he would stop sleeping so woke up every 30 mins (for the next 3 months 😭).
He cried every time we tried to eat so one of us would walk about and the other eat.
I think we had a conversation once when he had a nap.

Oh no!!

I would have a small cosy bistro pub weekend or just one night not far away then just see what kind of baby you have. You may luck out and have chilled one who sleeps or you may not.

I would definitely go before the baby arrives. It will be next to impossible after you give birth.

Your reservation about drinking or being in a hot tub is a bit strange though: you know it’s not mandatory to do either of those things just because you’re in an Airbnb: you can do what you like? Nor do you have to go on long walks.

Just treat it as an opportunity to rest and enjoy some quality time.

Hot tub etc “while baby sleeps”…

Yeah, that really depends on whether your baby is a sleeper or not. I have three kids; one of them slept regularly for a decent chunk of time from about three months old, the other two very much didn’t.

We did have a holiday when the baby was 4 months old but there were no separate quiet times for relaxing. He was very much with us 24/7.

It was fun but it was not much of a break.

I would have a small local(ish) time away pre-baby but without much walking. I didn't have PGP but was very uncomfortable by that stage!

Then see how it goes once baby is here. Mine was an easy baby and slept through early but I couldn't face going away - it's so much extra work being away because you haven't got everything set up conveniently like at home. I did have PND though which was a factor. I had expected to EBF but was unable to due to low supply which meant factoring in taking formula, sterilising etc.

We just did days out and bought in some meals to make things a bit easier.

Do something now. How about something less walking and drink focused. But somewhere with nice towns/villages for a wander to coffee shops and pub lunches. Maybe some nice beaches. But also take maternity notes with you and know where your local maternity unit is.

You don't know what kind of baby you'll get. In theory the newborn stage is easy. On hindsight for us it was. But also it can be a bit rubbish. You could end up with a baby with awful reflux, terrible sleep etc. Or you could end up with a baby that will be happy in a sling and sleeps 12 hours a night. No one knows.

You also have zero idea how your partner will be. You have an idea of relaxing while he takes baby. But what if he turns out to be unhappy taking baby solo? This unfortunately does happen. Some good bwfore kids partners are shit dads.

I love travel and holidays and yes travelling with children is different. But it can still be enjoyable. Especially if you have a good partner to split the load with. You just have to manage your expectations and go woth the flow more.

If you wait, you'll likely find something else to spend the money on because babies always seem to need something.

You may also find a baby is different to what you're expecting. You might end up bretfeeding and even if you're able to have a drink you may not feel like it. You may also find you end up co-sleeping which takes drinking off the table. (Nobody plans to cosleep!)

I'd say there is no point going now if it's not what you want to do. But there is no guarantee that you'll get the trip you're hoping for for a few years, and even then, probably only with grandparents doing an overnight babysit.

So I'd consider either a different sort of trip now or keeping an open mind about whether next year will be better, accepting that it still might not be what youte planning now.

Welcome to parenthood, the world where everything is a compromise! 😄

Go to a hotel or airbnb where the main attraction is not lovely walks, a hot tub, or booze. Maybe somewhere with a cosy log fire for the autumn, with a spa that does pregnancy massages. That kind of thing.

You'd need to wait until after your baby is born to decide about whether to go on the log cabin holiday with them. You don't know yet how they'll sleep, how you'll be feeling, or even whether the baby might need a stay in NICU or any additional support those first few months.

I understand you can only do one, so I'd go for the one you can control and plan for now (ie the babymoon) over the one you'd be guessing about.

Definitely go pre-baby.

We went to a spa hotel just before the baby was born and it was glorious. We chose one with a pool as I also had PGP so I could swim.

Basically, holidays with babies are a bit of an adjustment and not the full break they are pre-baby.

The only holidays I felt were remotely relaxing post baby till they were about age 3-4 were those with extended family who didn't have babies where the general daily load was spread more between everyone. And as they got older the kids would play with each other.

I never said it was mandatory, but those are the things I (and a lot of people) enjoy!

Definitely go before baby comes but do not go to a log cabin! One or two nights in a nice hotel with a pool, where you can stroll for coffee/lunch and not have to walk far, get a pg massage and swim/read/have room service sounds much more fun.

A bird in the hand....

Go before, somewhere that centres stuff you can do not stuff you can't (I would swim?, have a pregnancy massage, enjoy a lazy cuddlg lie-in with OH, and sleeeeeeeeep

Go to a spa hotel - that way you can swim (not breaststroke) and use the jacuzzi and sauna (both fine as long as you don’t feel too hot and that you might faint).

We booked a 3 night uk break when DS was 8 months old. It was a sort of break but also a useful 'practice' before we went on a longer summer holiday for what to expect and how to do things with a baby. Ie what to pack, what he was like sleeping somewhere else, how he behaved in a restaurant, how me and DH could still relax even with a baby in tow. In short it was a good experience, not really relaxing but prepared us for what to expect going fwd now it wasn't just the 2 of us anymore.

I guess what I'm saying is do the break with a baby anyway, but you need to plan something that will be suitable or flexible with a baby and then you make the best of it yourselves rather than picking something for you and DH and hoping the baby fits in.

You don’t ever get the pre baby time back. I wish we’d done more.
Also if you get an air b and b with a hot tub, just turn the temp down a bit x

“We can go on nice walks with baby, I can have a drink with my dinner at the nice pub restaurant and I can have a soak in the hot tub whilst DH is with baby or while baby is asleep.‘

This made me laugh … I hate saying this but just wait.. a holiday with a baby is not really a holiday

Pub dinners are one person eating while the other stands and rocks the baby and then swaps

A spa while baby is asleep… in the early days me sleeping one of watching tv, bathing and even showering plus a lot of the time baby needed me close to sleep or go back to sleep

Please from one exhausted mumma of a 2 year old that hasn’t slept a full night yet to beforehand and just chill out and read…. I miss reading …. A non child’s book

I wouldn’t have any expectations about holidaying after you’ve had your baby. It is better to see how things turn out. There are a lot of variables that make the situation different for different families. You might have a relaxed baby who has great sleep. But you and the baby might not be well after the birth and you certainly might be operating on very little sleep.

We are one of the lucky ones. We can do long walks and nice pub lunches with ours and one of us could go in the hot tub while the other one has baby sleeping.

But I would still go before baby arrives. We went to a city, wandered, have good food, slept, swam in the hotel pool, went to the theatre. We have done all of those things with baby since having her, but it is different and we both look back fondly on that time away.

Also if you are going to decide to do it when baby is here, book and pay for it as soon as. Because if the shit hits the fan like it has with us (DH lost his job when she was 15 weeks) then you would find you wouldn’t be booking it and you’d never get it. So at least it would be something to still look forward to. We could never have foreseen this would happen and it’s bloody shit. That’s the main reason I wouldn’t wait - you never know what’s round the corner.

Holidaying with a baby is different but not impossible. You just have to lower your expectations and go knowing it's not like any pre-baby holidays. I went on a similar holiday when my daughter was around 3 months and then went travelling around Europe with my 6 month old and I had a great time. I would not book though until after you have had your baby though so you can see how you feel at the time.

At the very least go and have the nice pub meal before baby! We tried taking ours out but they were criers and it felt too stressful to be worth it, whereas my nephew would happily lie/sit anywhere while my sister ate, drank and chatted! Hopefully your baby will have my nephew's temperament 😊.

Do it now. Please don't assume that the PGP will be better when the baby is here. I remember a walking holiday 5 months after son was born where my pelvis clicks could be heard by my then-husband from 3 feet away! Plus I was constantly exhausted as he wasn't a sleeper.

We went for a weekend away in my last month of pregnancy and it was lovely. I still enjoyed sitting in pubs even though I wasn't drinking, and we visited galleries, museums, did some short walks to waterfalls etc. Had some lovely meals!

Or you could go swimming, get a massage, facial etc, depending what you like. This is your last chance for a good few years to not have another little person constantly on your mind, so I would definitely make the most of it!

Babymoon are fabulous in the 2nd trimester, not so much fun in the 3rd, but I would definitely go for a nice meal somewhere fancy before the baby arrives.

Holidays with a baby are fine, especially if you’ve only got one. I think it would be lovely to celebrate your new family and it will give you something to look forward to after the first few months of exhaustion. A reward for surviving. Congratulations!

Go now. You have a lovely rosey view of life with a baby....get ready to hurtle head first into a life that's totally different from your imaginings, even if you're a totally zen person!
Make the most of having time as just the two of you, it'll be your last uninterrupted time together for at least 11 years!