Hope and the future for SEN child

[Airtentmamma23]

My 8 year old is autistic. Lovely, polite boy. He struggles with everything educational. He can count, but loses focus and struggles even to 20. He struggles reading, writing etc.

But.... he's 8. In mainstream and popular/ well-liked. He's pretty good-looking too in my parental judgement (ha!) and autism isn't that obvious if you don't know him.

Soooo what I want is stories of older children that are happy with their lives. They don't have to have achieved academically, but stories of those who have suddenly "got it" and have achieved academically are welcome.

Yabu- an autistic child won't suddenly "get it" and find life/ education easier as they get older

Yanbu- they may find things get better (+ anecdotal story if relevant)

Similar situation here. Hope you don’t mind OP but I’m posting to follow.

My best advice is don’t worry too much about the future focus on making sure he is getting the support he needs in the here and now. The future is unpredictable for anyone but even more so when there are additional needs.

ds is 14 now. When he was 8 I was sure he wouldn’t cope in mainstream for secondary but now he is going into year 10 with a massive support package but he is doing ok in mainstream. For now. I am just starting to explore options for when he moves into post 16 but no idea what that will look like yet.

Also there (except mine is less polite and absolutely struggling with friendships!) I think just remember he’s very young and autistic kids often defrost different rates. He still had all of secondary school to get through and even then, you can work out what kind of things he might be able to achieve.

My ds left primary school with a reading age of 8, he couldn’t read a clock and didn’t know his times tables. He went to ‘big school’, got a much better CA and a librarian who took him under her wing. By the end of his first year there his reading level had gone up to 16years. He was able to use calculator so times tables didn’t matter and he learnt to read a clock because of the moving between classes every period. He then moved to a tech college to do his A’levels and loved it- no uniform, treated like an adult, able to leave between classes etc etc and he blossomed.
He is in his final year doing an honours degree. It hasn’t always been easy but all the things I was told he would never do he is doing.

My husband is autistic. He really struggled in primary school. Struggled with reading, writing and behaviour. He spent half of the week being taught 1to1 at a special school. When he went to secondary school he was given and chemistry text book and he says something in his head clicked into place and suddenly school and learning made sense. He's now a professor of nuclear chemistry.

My DD didn't have a eureka moment. She just always clung to learning by the finger tips. She's also very clever but just couldn't apply herself. Somehow she clung on all the way through university and after many resits got her degree. She's now a SEN teacher who really understands the struggles her kids have.

Wonderful post

So lovely to read!

I suppose it depends if he has also learning difficulties (and how severe they are). One of mine was similar and is now starting college after having finished a specialist secondary school. It's a life skill course and she will never be independent but is have happy and healthy soul. HTH.

You will get a lot of anecdotal stories ending in a university degree here but looking at my DD and her friend from school, this doesn't usually happen.

I would focus for now to get him the right support in the right setting and don't get too far ahead of yourself.

I have a colleague who has autism.
Joined via a graduate scheme.
He is a lovely popular chap.
He is popular and well liked.

He has progressed in his career and now a manager.

He is is honest and kind.He organises all the quiz nights. We all love him.

Very happy for your kids that they found their interests, That’s lovely.

My ds is autistic. He struggled with writing and reading and left secondary school with a spelling age of 7 and reading age of 14. He had a reader and scribe for his GCSEs and managed to pass English. He got 7/8/9s for science and maths.

Did a t level and HNC in computing.

Now a software developer at 20.

He can't read well still, can't write well still and still struggles with general communication - my he can code in gobbledegook like a genius

I think - as someone said above - it depends on any different difficulties. So my ds has SplD related to his shit ism but his IQ is high.

Or as I say "he's really intelligent - he just doesn't know what to do with that most of the time" 😂

Thank you thank you, thank you.

These are exactly the posts I needed. I just know our son will be okay/ happy, buy sometimes think the school SENCO thinks I'm delusional. Really helpful posts and lovely stories.

Me! I have a story!
DS was diagnosed with severe dyslexia, then with dyspraxia. I think if we’d asked about ASD that's where they would have gone as it explains much more. Basically although they were not private diagnoses, they still found what we asked about rather than what else might be there if you see what I mean. He now functions as having autism and scores very high on the Q score thing.

Anyway. He was at ten failing everything. Reading, maths etc. I couldn’t imagine him getting GCSEs. Maths suddenly dropped at 11. It turned out he can’t do numbers, due to memory issues. Every other area was fine.
English began to drop a bit later. He got his GCSE at 17 while he did a Btech.

He didn’t manage Uni- shouldn’t have tried really. He’s the IT lead in a small company now. Totally self sufficient. No requirement to coordinate with other people. He literally hides out rather than hot the communal areas at the same time as someone chatty. But he’s fine. Happy, busy and well paid.

I really recommend staying positive, giving him as big a range of experiences as you can- extra curricular and so on. Let him do the same things as everyone else even if he struggles. Support support support. Don’t give up. Get creative with how you approach things. Find ways for him to access stuff that his academic struggles make hard.
We did lots of audiobooks, so he got all that language embedded despite not being able to read.
Games where we did the reading until he was familiar with the cards, then he could read them himself.
Never let ‘he can’t read’ stop play.

He still can’t do number bonds and basic adding without his fingers. But it’s to an actual life skill, it’s just a first step to maths for NT people! He manages perfectly well without it.

If he’s good looking - have you tried the modeling agencies? Just a thought. Not sure how he’d cope with that!

I have one autistic - who’s doing brilliantly

However my dyslexic child didn’t pass any exams but now works full time in a job he loves!

He is friendly, kind and popular and everyone loves him.

Sorry my iPad changed quite a few of my words and spellings.

It should say autism. Although I'm sure he'd call it shit ism at times as it can be tough.

Good looking is interesting. DS absolutely is, but there’s also an openness /vulnerability to him that’s really attractive.

He’s guileless. Can’t fib to save his life, bless him. But I think it makes him even more attractive looking. Sadly he’s resistant to the idea of a relationship. Far too much drama apparently 🤣

My son is 8, attends a wonderful ASD class attached to a mainstream school. He loves letters, his speech is way behind but he is improving daily, can now speak in sentences when prompted, can be lazy sometimes with his speech. My son has a great sense of humour and a fantastic personality, loves the company of other children.

Following this post.

Thank you for sharing Potentialmadcatlady. x

Dc1 is in 20s now at 8 couldn't read more than a few words was really behind educationally and socially. Fast forward to gcse passed all 8 (just but that doesn't matter its a pass), went onto college got a level 3 btec. Got a job at 18, who after 6 months said should apply for their education scheme. Is now at uni (with support from staff and technology) one day a week, works 4 days and is in the process of buying own home. At 6 I was told dc may never live independently.
Everything has taken longer. Everything is still difficult, life is harder and we have multiple meltdowns every week (especially during uni assessment times). Dc for the first time has got a plan. Wants to go onto the next course (they're not degree standard but geared to a profession and will help progress).
If I could tell myself 15 years ago anything it would be don't worry, take each day one at a time and choose your battles (use your energy supporting dc and not fighting school, nhs etc unless it's worth it). Take a step back and do what's best for dc. Accept life's always going to be different, hard but they can and will progress in their own time.
Dc couldn't catch a bus alone till they were 15 by 18 they could drive. It just takes longer.
I've found it a long and lonely path but dc has become an amazing young adult and found purpose in a job, the routine helps, and saving for a house deposit when peers are all travelling and drinking. Dc will say they've taken a different path, they never went out with friends or had the traditional uni experience but that doesn't matter, everything took longer (practising walking to school or buying a loaf of bead was exhausting but worth it).
Give yourself time, don't have expectations of a particular future just put your effort into supporting dc so you can say 'I did the best I could at that point' that's all dc can ask of you.

I think it's important to give your child as many experiences and skills as you can. You may find that your son's skills are outside academia.

I also have a DS who is autistic. He's 11 and does ok at school. He does a lot of activities outside of school and it's very clear that he's a born entertainer. He gets invited to play/sing at shows at the local theatre and library. He plays his instruments well enough and sings ok but he's not the best at all. But when he steps out in front of an audience, he steps into a different persona and he owns the stage. All his anxieties disappear. I could really see him having a future in this area. The audience always loves him.

I have ADHD and struggled all through school, barely got through exams. I am now a SEND teacher, happily married for 10 years and have DC. I am currently going through qualifications to become a SENDCO.

Many of my colleagues are austistic/ADHD/dyslexic. I do feel those experiences make you more sympathetic to the children. Our head is autistic and dyslexic!

Children I have taught who have really struggled in mainstream have come into a SEND setting and thrived; learning differently doesn’t have to put a limit on their achievement.

Hi my son has complex needs with ASD and could barely string words together at aged 10. I was embarrassed when a news reporter asked him a question.

He managed to get into National Youth Theatre. He got 7 GCSE including passes in English and Maths and a B in history A Level and an unconditional offer for a former polytechnic university.

He still had high needs and is at life skills but he has skills and talent in Drama and at aged 20 he is maturing and transforming. He might not live independently but he will find his happiness.

At times when. I get despondent I think about him at aged 8 and how far we have come.

These are lovely stories to read! My daughter is 12 and struggles academically across the board. She is in mainstream but the gap is widening. With support in lessons she can achieve but school are not on the same page with regards to support - she seems to do interventions rather than have in class support. She does have an EHCP so I am going to challenge this. I really worry about what the future looks like for her

I do wonder if your DC has ADHD and dyslexia/dyscalcula as well as autism? Having any one ND, ups your chances of having multiple ones.

Could you get him tested for these? You’d then need to seek out specialist tutors because the state school blunt tool is extra time

Mine has a best friend, is in mainstream secondary and doing at least average in all subjects! Not just those he’s actually good at. He is still autistic but he is doing really well.

ADHD meds have really helped him