Worried girlfriend has alcohol problem

[Ballymolly]

BIL (30) has been seeing his partner (28) for about a year and we're concerned she has an alcohol problem. She's one of those people who has what I would call a wine personality. Everything's about getting on the wine and she's constantly sort of bragging about how much she drinks?

Anyway, over the summer she's started meeting extended family and came to a few family gatherings (a milestone birthday, a wedding, charity fundraiser, and a BBQ) where she's drunk 2/3+ bottles of wine to herself, got pretty smashed, and behaved really obnoxiously towards DP's lovely, welcoming family. (For context she doesn't really know the family yet, has only met us all a handful of times). She's also a teacher and this weekend she drunkenly told me she sometimes has a mug of wine in the afternoons in class with her TA.

BIL seems oblivious to it though and seems to think she's just having fun. He told us she has a stressful job and it's how she unwinds, but that's obvs not great. Should we press the fact we're a bit concerned about her? And maybe she needs to reign things in a bit? Or just leave it? I think her parents are big drinkers and are probably oblivious, and seems her mates are mostly a group of her old uni sports team friends, who of course, stereotypically, sound pretty boozy. DP is pretty upset at the way she's spoken to us and his parents, and thinks the girlfriend should at least know it's not really acceptable.

This made me laugh because I know Nursery Nurses who did lines of coke on their lunch break before their Christmas night out.

Why do you think teachers wouldn't do this? They aren't angels. Just normal people.

2-3 bottles of wine over 9 hours at a wedding is hardly unusual surely? I could easily manage that without becoming obnoxious (that's probably just her personality coming through!)
The teachers I know are well known for their drinking, as other posters have said she could easily have drank the wine on a Friday afternoon after the kids have left.
I think you just don't like her and this is what you have chosen to focus on as it seems morally acceptable to show your disdain for her drinking habits.

I think it’s easy to normalise drinking 2-3 bottles of wine in our culture (assuming you’re in the uk) as some people have done on this thread, I used to easily manage this especially if at a day event but actually it’s excessive, took me a long time to realise this however I now do not drink at all

told me she sometimes has a mug of wine in the afternoons in class with her TA.

I have been teaching a long time and this has always been a sackable offence which makes it very difficult to believe.

They weren't doing the coke visibly in front of the nursery class though were they?

I have no idea why you'd think I'm assuming they're all angels?

I just don't think they're stupid enough to fill a mug with wine, and neck it in front of the school children, and then go and breath their alcohol fumes all over the staff and parents.

The last time I checked, a line of coke didn't smell? 🤣

If you aren't rat-arsed on three bottles of wine, you have a serious problem.

A mug of wine in the classroom with the accomplice TA? Aye, right then.

I would say most normal people avoid doing things that are gross misconduct.

Yeah fair enough.

I think they probably did it in the bathroom.

She’d be better off with a Chilly’s water bottle, you can’t see in and the lid screws on 😆

Kids aren’t stupid, they’d sniff out some wine in a mug easy enough.

If I was you, I’d stay out of it. If I was your DP, I’d approach my sibling with the issue soon and before things get too serious/intertwined.

Of course this depends on how you think your BIL would react - is there a chance he’d pull away from your DP, or even go back and tell her everything? Or would he take it on the chin and understand where he’s coming from?

This was me for a long time. You can't do anything I'm afraid unless she sees it as a problem.

if hes asked you to tell hhim about potential problems you notied just tellhim youre concerned about your ddrinking

The work drink story I’d take with a pinch of salt. Likely to just be something she’s made up to try get a few laughs but was ill-thought out.

As for the drinking it’s hard to say really. At 28 if you’ve not got kids or much responsibility yet then still drinking often isn’t all that uncommon.

I’m a similar age and in a friendship group where nobody has kids or is married yet, so drinking at social events is still pretty standard as is meeting at pubs most weekends or going to each others houses for a drink. Other people the same age I know of who have settled and have children now don’t tend to do this anymore. Sounds like she just hasn’t grown up yet but unless she’s drinking a lot at inappropriate times or alone etc I don’t necessarily think it means she’s got an alcohol problem.