Not sure if this is the right place but the question is to those who have elderly parents. My Mother is in her 80s and lives on her own. We had difficult times between us all my life hence I live very far away and only due to my therapy and general softness in approach our relationship is ok now. I forgive a lot. I know she tries as well. My Mother lives abraod and I visit her few times a year. I do not treat it as a holiday as I have multiple errands to run and things to fix when I go there. It is like a full time job but I do not mind it at all. I offered I give up my life and move over there to care for her but my Mother doesnt want me to live with her (she has 3 bedrooms). When I go there I sleep on a chaise lounge in my old room. It affects my back, I offered I buy a proper bed but she doesnt want me to. I try to introuduce small changes to make her life easier but she is very stubborn. When I am there she treats me like a 12yo and even tells me what to wear. I moved out at 21 so she only has the knowledge of me until then. When I used to go there to visit with my ex husband we would always stay in a hotel. There are always these multiple minor issues around literally everything. Neighbours dog, someone being too loud, not vocal enough, I am using the wrong pan, I put the cup in the wrong place and when I say I do not remeber where something goes she replies 'well you lived here' - yes 30 years ago! Now we are on the garden drama where neighbours branches are causing problems and neighbours wood for fireplace is leaning onto our fence. I am very soft by nature and my approach is always through minimal impact maxiumum result with gentle suggestions etc so my Mum asked my opinion and I said (something I have been sugesting for a decade now) to put a new wicker fence along the neghbour as it suits the setting, is eye pleasing and with elevating the look it will make the neghbour respect it more and no more wood leaning oour side of the fence. No, my Mum although asks my opinion then comes up with her own solution which is more conflict driven and ends the conversation with 'oh well as it is in life one asks for suggestions how to solve the problem but then must solve it oneslef' - I did not want to say it out loud but 'why ask then?' Yes, I learned over the years to always say 'you are absolutely right' 'this is a great idea' (even if it isn't) because I know this means peace. I am by nature a peaople pleaser but now that my Mother is in her 80s it is more and more difficult to reason. Elderly people are very stubborn in a way they think and the whole world needs to think like they do. I wonder how others manage it? Sorry a bit of a moan. I am just tired.