My lovely DP asked me to marry him last month which is very delightful and I am over the moon. My DH died four years ago when I was 36 and DD was 2. DP has been the most incredible blessing and is a wonderful partner, hugely empathetic and understanding, and a brilliant dad to DD who absolutely adores him. All good stuff.
So. The wedding. Neither of us want a big wedding. We’re both 40. This is my second time around and will be emotionally complicated for me, my in-laws and some of my family and friends who knew and loved DH (that’s not to say it won’t be a happy occasion, but it will also be emotional!). DP is, while not shy, the opposite of showy and does have some social anxiety. We were originally planning a very small wedding with immediate family only but the more I thought about that, the more I felt bad. My friends were absolute rocks when DH died and really went above and beyond to take care of me – plus I have aunties and uncles who are delighted that I’ve found happiness etc etc. All of them would be sad not to be there, I think (and in some cases I know, because they’ve already told me how excited they are to come!).
But the fact remains that we don’t want – and definitely cannot afford – a big wedding.
So our current plan is to hire a room in a pub, with a bar, put on some catering (either a buffet or nice bowl food etc), and throw a big party that we… happen to get married at. We’ll both do speeches, as will the best man and my dad, but mostly it’ll be a quick 20 minute ceremony (humanist, which here in NI can happen anywhere) and then we’ll just get back to the party.
I love the plan and I think it’s perfect for me and DP. But… I worry that it’s weird, and that people will be offended somehow? I plan to make it clear on the invites what it will be, and that (in the immortal MN words) it’s an invite, not a summons, and while we would love to have them there we will also understand if people can’t make it. But if you got an invite to something like this / came along to it, would you find it strange or insulting or anything? Or am I worrying too much?!