So - gf and I live together in my house. We've been together 1.5 years and she's lived with me for a year. We get on great - no problems. The problem is with her cleaning up her past messes. She still owns a house (which is mortgaged) with her ex partner. They had lived there together as a couple for a couple of years, then split but stayed roommates due to expenses. She moved from that living arrangement directly to me after dating for 6 months.
She's incurred some debt by helping her grown kids (mostly from before she knew me but it continued while we were first together) - that's pretty much stopped now but our agreement is that she can stay here without paying any of the bills - mortgage. electric water etc. I pay it all but she does buy most of the groceries. I pay when we go out. The idea is she can use the money she has saved to pay off her debts which she is doing. I am financially secure so I can afford it.
We had a big discussion about this a few months ago and I said I didn't like the fact that she was staying here without contributing - while supporting her kids - so indirectly I was supporting them. One is in her 30s, the other in his 40s. She agreed - I think reluctantly - but she still does odd things that most of us do with our kids so that's not really an issue now. I just want her to pay off her debt so we can be equal financial partners and think about future plans. I kind of feel on hold at the moment.
Here's the big issue. She still owns a house with her ex - and her grown son lives there (not his dad). This has been going on for almost a year since he arrived back in the country with no job / money and nowhere to stay. I didn't want him moving in with us in my small house (I let him stay here for the first 2 weeks having never met him before...), so she organised for him to stay there in her old house. Been over 9 months now. He is paying half the expenses while he lives there (she was paying them in the beginning). He is working now, finally, and paying his share. So she has no expenses at her old house except she still pays the internet bill for some reason (her ex threatened to not pay the mortgage if she cut off the internet - why doesn't he get his own internet??). Anyway that's a minor issue but I think it speaks to her approach.
I just don't like the fact that she still owns this property with her ex - and she seems in no rush to sort the situation out. Several times after discussions she agrees to move forwards RE selling it but I think now her son is there she won't force the issue. She agreed several times to address it by such and such a date but that date passes and nothing. If I mention it she thinks I'm pressuring her, and says if we split up then has nowhere to go.
So that's where I am - I'm not happy about it. It might have been a necessity for a few months to let her son get his feet on the ground but now he works (for over 4 months now) and has a car I think it's time for him to move out on his own and for her to sell this house and move on. She's unable to buy her own place - or share a downpayment on a new house with me until she sells this house and gets her equity out of it.
So AIBU?