To wonder why I'm so impulsive when making decisions?

[Impulsivee]

I'm starting to realise how impulsive I am about making decisions, despite always thinking of myself as a cautious, thoughtful person. The decisions I make seem to come from nowhere, and give me whip lash. I then often regret them.

In the last year, things that come to mind are:

• I decided I was going to be a nurse. I quit my job and applied for nursing. I then changed my mind and decided on another NHS profession and I started the university course and left after 4 months as I realised it was not a good fit for me and was a terrible decision. I then decided I was going to apply for medicine, I paid around £200 on materials needed to support me doing the UCAT (the entrance exam). I'm now back in my previous career, completely confused with why and how I even came to make those decisions...
• I make decisions about my hair colour completely out of the blue, and just go with it rather than thinking it through. Nothing super drastic but I will decide one day that I want my hair dark brown, then the next week I'll be regretting it and wanting to be a dark blonde again.
• I decided I was going to move out of my parents' house into a flat, then decided to stay at home and save longer so I could buy rather than rent, then decided on renting, then stay with parents, etc. I booked viewings, then cancelled them, then wanted to book viewings again, then opened a lifetime ISA to put all my money in so it was 'locked' away so I had no choice but to be patient and save, then decided not to, etc.
• I signed up for the gym completely out of the blue, ordered clothes and trainers for the gym, and then the next day changed my mind and cancelled my membership and returned everything. Now a week later I'm wanting to sign up again...

I'm not sure why I'm like this. I don't know if this is normal or if it's excessive?

Mid life crisis

Menopause

ADHD

?

How's your general mental health?

Do you like reading? The Chimps Paradox book might have some answers for you

It's not the menopause as I'm only in my 20s. Might be some form of anxiety about not being where I thought/hoped I'd be at this point in my life. My mental health is otherwise good, just a bit anxious and overly conscientious. I have wondered about neurodivergance like autism and ADHD in the past, but again I tend to go all into it and become obsessed with reading about it and thinking it is the answer to all my problems, and have been on the cusp of paying for a private assessment and then I change my mind. I go back and fourth a lot.

I'll have a look into that book, thank you.

You're only in your 20s. None of those decisions are terrible ones (except maybe the gym - either do it or don't!). None of us get to adulthood knowing how things will pan out so trying stuff then changing your mind when it doesn't work is part of that.

Maybe try and reframe how you think about it. You thought you might like an NHS career - you tried it and it wasn't for you. Yes it wasted a bit of money but better than soldiering on and refusing to admit to yourself it wasn't working. Ditto moving out of home.

Your 20s and maybe even early 30s are for taking leaps and trying out new things. If you're still highly impulsive and unfocused by 35+ then there might be a problem but don't be too critical of yourself just yet.

The underlying issue is maybe some dissatisfaction about your current life? A desire to shake things up a bit and do something bold? Nothing wrong with that and perhaps some sort of life coaching sessions might help you decide how to do that in a more considered way.

Further to the earlier message.... the book I recommended has nothing to do with Buddhism. However as a practicing Buddhist I have found it fascinating that a psychology professor would describe the latest research on human mind very much in line with the Buddhist perspective. Like you I am also quite prone to impulsive decisions even though I got better over the years. These days I never make an important decision without chanting about it first. I follow the Japanese branch- A Buddha in Your Mirror book explains it very well

You need to learn to sit with your impulses before acting on them. Unless a decision needs to be made immediately (eg, friend asks you if you want spare tickets to a gig), force yourself to sit with an impulse for at least a week before acting, more like 3-6 months if it has huge impacts such as leaving your job. I’m not sure it the why matters as much as practice derailing the behaviour.

I'm like this. I have ADHD.
I shaved my head last week after ruining my hair with endless colour changes.
I'm 36 and worked in a nursery, in logistics, fraud investigator, benefit advisor, asbestos surveyor, quantity surveyor, artist... done 13 adult college courses in the last 6 years... have countless abandoned hobbies and every time I watch a movie or see something on TV I think "I could do that" and seriously look into it. Including ridiculous things like bank robbery in my youth 😄 Just to see how easy it would be.
My current thing is wanting to write. I feel I have no direction or purpose in life. It's exhausting and scary. Sorry I have no advice but you are not alone in this.