To ask how you manage to reduce stress in mid life

[LostittoBostik]

I woke up this morning and realised that I'm absolutely rigid with stress and it can't be doing me any good. I can't remember the last time I felt truly relaxed. It was definitely at some point before I had children (so minimum 7 years).
I don't have anything exceptional going but all the usual - things like stress of self employment, high nursery bills and mortgage costs, things that keep going wrong in the house and need fixing. But there are some other things like my 7yo is still not night dry and struggling socially. But I also find that I really find the juggle of everything hard on my body and mind.
In the shower this morning I was just thinking about getting back to school stuff sorted, uniforms, swimming lessons etc and frankly I just felt totally overwhelmed. My mind has been full like this for almost a decade. I'm worried at some point I will get to a breaking point and no longer be able to function.
Before having children I had a very stressful full time job but was able to totally relax when on annual leave. Now I'm self employed so never really have a true break (I always have to check in even when away) and i find holidays with small children extremely stressful anyway. So I basically never have any time when my body is totally calm.
I know this isn't doing me any good.

I need to make a change but apart from trying to fit in more formal exercise I'm not sure what I can do.
I can't afford to work less. We can't afford more childcare to give me more time away from the kids. DH is supportive and we've just started getting a cleaner, which helps a bit.
But I honestly don't really know how to make the more fundamental changes to save my health. Now I'm my 40s I'm worried about the effects of stress on my long term wellbeing and longevity.
Any advice in magazines etc is always like "take a two week yoga retreat to the Balerics" or something. If anyone has any actually realistic experience of managing to make a positive change to reduce stress at this busy stage of life I'd love to know what worked 🙏🏻

It's sounds like in some ways we are in a similar position - with the allergies etc, querying ND here too but nobody is really taking me seriously. (I have a horrible feeling this year at school is going to be rough for my eldest, which is making me more stressed than usual)

Sadly we don't have any option to downsize and cut costs. We only just moved into a home big enough for our family and it requires DH to work FT and me to work 4 days to barely cover the bills. Really hope the cost of living eases somewhat soon.

@unlikelychump the relationship with my DH has really suffered too. I feel like we haven't had a proper adult conversation for a very long time.

Have you looked into perimenopause symptoms? Hadn’t crossed my mind in my early 40s but I wish I had of known about my hormones. It got quite bad with stress and anxiety before my husband worked it out.

I feel very much the same as this. There is no way for me to reduce the stress so I just need to find better ways of coping. I think generationally the pressure of huge house prices and therefore mortgages, cost of living, childcare costs, commuting costs and needing to earn the salaries to cope with all that has resulted in a lot of us having two parents who work full time in very stressful jobs with lots of responsibilities and pressure, plus juggling kids/elderly parents just to pay the bills for fairly basic living standards. Life is pretty shit for a lot of people with nothing to look forward to apart from a basic retirement one day. It's no wonder happiness doesn't seem to be a thing anymore, just constant teeth-grinding anxiety about where the next bill or expense is coming from, like the sword of Damocles. I have actually been wondering if I'm bipolar as I have manic anxiety phases but I think it's probably just extreme anxiety verging on breakdown territory. Anyway, on that cheery note - yeah it's a bit shit.

I found a consistent time for sleep helped me a great deal, and also not going a very long time without time off work (usually I have a week off at a time so not going six months without a break).

Yes, i have a gynae appt about fibroids coming up and I'm going to discuss peri symptoms too. But tbh I've always been someone who is prone to stress and my life is basically overwhelming right now in terms of no down time so it's hard for me to assess if it's circumstantial or hormones or both.

Did you try HRT?

I know,I agree. Family life now is absolute dogshit for anyone on an average household income. We're not exactly badly off but every single month is a struggle and at the moment we can barely afford a holiday. Only had 4 nights away (in Blighty) this year.
I feel like I've been robbed of my life in recent years with the constant chase of earnings and expenses. If I knew what I knew now, I don't think I would have chosen to have children.

Almost like magic, as if the gods want to prove any attempt to sort my life out is futile, my youngest has just started vomiting... I was supposed to work tomorrow while Dh is home but she's bound to be clingy now. Sigh.