How do you fill your time?

[Saycheeseburgers]

Two DC ages 8 and 6. In term time the 8 year old does a lot of activities (5 different clubs) and youngest does a couple, and with both parents working full time we move from week to week without noticing.

Weekends are often a bit meh as the activities tend to be in the morning and then there’s the afternoons to fill.

When the weather is reliably good we always try and do an afternoon/day out, bikes or playgrounds etc. There’s nowhere the DC can play out and our garden is very small.

I feel at such loose ends during our free time. Neither DC have loads of friends and play dates seem to take a lot of planning in advance anyway. DH and I both have friends, most with different age DC so although we do have the odd get together, they’re not that often. And again take a lot of planning in advance!

We’ve just got back from two weeks holiday but yet I don’t feel we’re set up for just going with the flow at home.

Caveat to say that my DC are probably both ND, DH and I probably both have ADHD. I struggle with sitting still!

Caveat to say that my DC are probably both ND, DH and I probably both have ADHD. I struggle with sitting still!

This is very personal, general advice may not work.

But I would say develop some home-based interests, such as cooking, gardening, boardgames, jigsaws, complex toys, reading.

Oh, and I forgot crafts or art!

It's important they have downtime to relax as well, be it watching tv or playing computer!

To much being on the go all the time means they will lack the skills to entertain themselves when older.

Arts & crafts !!

Painting, drawing, plaster of Paris poured into mounds and painted, 'sculptures' constructed out of all kinds of bits and pieces, making a book of cartoons or illustrated stories, making Christmas decorations, Christmas and birthday cards, modelling.......

Oh and cooking and baking! Decorating the cookies and cakes. A lot of fun and useful skills.

Learning how to iron a shirt when they are a little older.

Helping with gardening, potting plants, weeding.

Reading, both alone and together. Lo9king at non-fiction books about all kinds of stuff - dinosaurs, planets, history..... Writing a diary.

I love reading and on holiday relished the time on the balcony reading with a glass of wine! But I don’t drink much at home and it’s only really enjoyable in the sun. Also DC wouldn’t let me just sit with a book in the middle of the day, they range in their abilities to amuse themselves but they have a sixth sense when I’m actually doing something like showering or relaxing and will need me urgently!

I do think I need a “busy” hobby at home. Haven’t found one yet, I’m also dyspraxic so not very crafty or good at things like that. I do like a jigsaw but we don’t have loads of space.

DH and I both run and I enjoy walking too so again that’s done, but solo (excluding Junior Park Run which DC will do with moaning!). I adore my DC and DH but find time as a family a bit meh unless we’re doing something specific together. Neither DC have the patience for crafts.

Allotment? Outside, fresh air. Always something to do. DCs can join in or sit it out.

I think it takes a few days to settle after a holiday (or when the holidays begin) which is probably why you feel fidgety now.

Otherwise, some ideas:

• Plan, buy for and cook a meal together
• Make a slideshow (of your holidays, of the year, of your everyday life, of old family photos etc) and make an event of watching the slideshow on a big screen all together
• Have some kind of project with goals (e.g. visit every park within a 5 mile radius and rate them)
• Outdoor fun:
• Frisbee
• Fly a kite
• Skateboarding or roller skating
• Have you ever tried https://www.treasuretrails.co.uk
• Board games
• Give a small budget and each try to find a 'treasure' in a charity shop
• Go somewhere local-ish by bus or train
• Make a family tree (with pictures)
• Go swimming
• Go to the library
• Visit a rare breeds farm or wildlife park
• Help your kids build a den (inside or outside)

If they want playdates you can try one with no planning/notice. I find these are often more successful than ones with planning. Just message their friends on the morning and see if they're free that afternoon, chances are someone will be about bored at home and happy to drop kids off to you.

I get worried that DC don’t want to play with mine outside of school as neither get (m)any invitations sadly.

Thank you for all suggestions. I agree that the time after holiday is a bit limbo-ish! But I often feel this way on the weekends however also hate how quickly my DC are growing!

Mine go out to play with children who live nearby - they met their friends by just playing out - and have done since they were younger than your dc. I just do whatever I want in the house or garden and the dc are either here or at their mates' houses or out at the park but they arrange it all themselves.

Sounds perfect! My eldest would play out if there was the right place but we don’t live where it’s safe sadly, it’s a city and we’re on a busy road. I’m assuming your DC have phones etc to arrange meeting friends? Mine are too young for that.

You know you can say no, right? I mean, when they "need you urgently" but they don't actually need you at all? They're too big to be demanding "entertaining" all the time and you shouldn't allow your kids to dictate what they will "let" you do. Tell them no, mummy's reading, go and play. It'll be fine.

We've all met the adults who can't occupy themselves and think it's the duty of whatever other people happen to be around to entertain them. You don't want to raise those. And you're entitled to some time to do what YOU enjoy. Try to form the habit.

Mine are older than yours but we have the same structure with sports taking up both weekend mornings. The times can vary a bit but if we’re back after lunch, often we’ll chill for a bit (gives us chance to do a few jobs) and then go for a bike ride. We have a few pubs nearby so will often go down for a drink (only one; my boys both enjoy this and have since they were small). If we have a rare weekend day off sports, we plan a trip out - the forest, beach, National Trust… Usually we take a picnic with us. We also quite enjoy a trip into our city centre to just have a wander and maybe a coffee.

At home - gardening, trip to local cafe or park for ice cream and honestly my two just enjoy playing in the garden. They also ride their bikes up and down our road but I appreciate that isn’t possible if you live on a main road.

I love the pub idea on nice days at least! I think DC will enjoy it if there’s an outdoor area, thanks. On dry days we usually find a good outdoor activity, much easier than on wet days. We have plenty of softplays and trampoline parks nearby but it can get expensive and repetitive.

I genuinely can’t imagine ever chilling out reading a book whilst my Dc are at home and pestering me. I would feel guilty for not engaging with them to be honest!

But why? Do you really want to teach them that mothers aren't really people with their own needs and interests and so on? Kids need to learn that sometimes they get to do what they want and sometimes the other person gets to do what they want. They need to learn to play quietly by themselves or their siblings, or read a book of their own or whatever. Not all the time, but some of it. People need to learn to develop their own inner resources and ability to be happy in their own company and so on, just like they need to develop every other skill that adults (hopefully) have and babies don't. Slowly, over eighteen years or so, starting small and gradually increasing. It's nothing to feel guilty about, any more than teaching them to get their own drink when they're big enough is something to feel guilty about, or to dress themselves or to speak to other adults without needing mummy to mediate or whatever. It's positively good for them. It's good parenting.

Try it! "Mummy's having some quiet time". Try half an hour, same time every day. They'll be fine.

I think I might! I’m really worried about being in my phone too much around the DC so it’ll have to be a book rather than phone/tablet.

I don’t worry about them not seeing mothers as real people as I do get time to do my own thing - I exercise regularly, I socialise (“you’re going out AGAIN mummy?!” When it’s DH putting them to bed third night in a row!) but when we’re at home, I’ve always felt like unless I’m busy with a chore that needs doing, or having a shower or whatever, then I should be engaging with them.

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