To cry in front of my kids

[tryingsomethingnew]

Well I only have one. Young Teen.

Do you cry in front of your kids?

I've always been a bit of a crier. Films, Kindness, Assemblies at school, when I laugh, when I'm sad. I always thought it was okay to show sensitivity to an extent to our children. To be able to show them it's okay to have a cry and show feelings. But this weekend has been a bit rough and I've cried in front of DD. Tears not like full on crying. She's getting older, we're very close. But had an disappointing weekend. Husband is ill so we've had to cancel flights, and he's grumpy about it too. She's been so good but I feel sad for her and all of us. So had a little cry. Normally I'd go into other rooms, or hold it in. I'm questioning now, is this okay?

I would say it’s is ok ….. as long as she knows
a) it has nothing to do with her - she hasn’t made you cry.
b) she knows that she isn’t responsible for making you feel better
c) you aren’t using it to manipulate her
d) that you are an “over cryer” - that you find it hard to regulate your emotions -its a “you-problem”. Or it’s just a physical reaction- that is out of your control - like blushing.
e) she sees you displaying lots of other emotions as well - laughing, excitement etc
f) she isn’t your crutch.
g) there is no shame in having a good cry!

I am a big cryer and have cried in front of my children but I grew up with a manipulative parent so am very wary of the impact it can have.
It is just what I do. I also become teary when I feel proud and very happy too which is very frustrating! In fact similar to you by the sounds of it!

I have talked it through with them over the years it through with them and they know it is not their responsibility to make me feel better, they don’t have to tread on eggshells . I don’t think it makes them feel uncomfortable. (I hope it doesn’t) they certainly don’t change their behaviour to accommodate my emotions 🙈😂.

I also have people in my life I can message/offload big emotions on to if I need to (not just to rely on them).

X

Thank you.

You've articulated it all perfectly. Yes, she laughs when I cry over happiness, jokes, family fun, and also sad news. I believe like you have noted down, she knows it's not her fault.

But what I will do, is explain its not her job to make me feel better when I'm sad. I think this is the risk, when it's an only child/teen daughter. This was an interesting point. Thank you.

I have cried many times in front of mine and sometimes wish I was strong enough not to but I get so overwhelmed in my emotions I can't control it. Crying is also a part of being human and it's ok to express. As parents we are allowed to show vulnerability sometimes, we're not made of rock. 🫶🏻

I hate this idea that crying is weakness. I think bottling everything up is far more damaging than kids seeing you cry. On occasions when I've cried, I've always explained why (in a calm way, not howling).

I think RubyWriter has a good summary, but I would also just add -

As long as you don't tell her off for crying. I vaguely knew someone who did this to her (admittedly younger) daughter - when mum cried it was "I'm sad, I'm allowed to be sad, why don't you come and give mummy a cuddle to make her feel better" and then when the DD cried it was "come on DD, pull yourself together, stop this silly crying."

A good point. No, I don't do that. I make a conscious effort to say I understand your upset, I would be sad about that etc.

Thanks. Promise I'm not crying about you being nice!

Cried again today. But this time after a family argument with in-laws. She cried too. I tried to hold it together till she cried and then I did too. I say things like, "I don't blame you for being upset, it's crap isn't it. It'll be okay, it'll get sorts". Try to give a cuddle (to a teen) and then she stops. I'm not sure, am I saying the right things?