LONG*
When I first got with DH, I had lots of problems with his family i.e. SIL who interfered a lot and tried numerous times to make us go apart. After me and DH had our first DC, things got better and now me and SIL get on.
I am not sure if it's feelings I am maybe never over due to previous relationship but since SIL had her DC, he's older now, I have never felt any sort of attachment to him. I find him quite rude and not very polite in some aspects. He's overly entitled and SIL forces my DH and her DM to bend backwards for her and her DC's needs and believes my DH's priorities should be his DM and her and her DC. This has caused many issues between me and DH. I love my family unconditionally but I am a firm believer once you DECIDE to marry someone & commit, that DH/DW and kids should become your first priority. My SIL actually made a comment to my recently that she's only a single mum on paper because her DM looks after her child majority of time and financially my DH can cover her whenever she needs it.
Moving on, me & DH had a hypothetical fight that if his family lived near us what would things be like. My DH goes that his DN would just walk over to our house whenever and basically treat my home as if he is entitled to it, like he is with his grandma. I argued that I am not his DM or his Grandma for him come when he pleases and do whatever he wants. DH then argued that I wouldn't dare say that to him and he wouldn't let me. I said I wouldn't personally but I would expect him as my DH to put those boundaries in place. DH response was that if I did all that, he would just make me pay all the rent. Background context, when we first moved together for the first 6 years, I paid absolutely everything and he contributed to groceries here and there. After he went and gave a massive deposit to his DM to buy her house without consulting me and doing it behind my back, things changed and now for the last 1.5/2 years he covers the full rent but I still pay for other bills also and groceries we share out.
I am hurt that his response and idea is to punish me because I don't what his family thinking they can come and do whatever they want as if they are my responsibility. I respect them and do my duties to host when they come but there is a limit and boundary! I said to DH if he wants to talk like that, he can go live somewhere else and take his family with him. His response was that "you think I care about that or that's a bad thing". I have questioned him a lot on why he chose to marry me if his first responses are always to go against me or not take into account anything I say as his wife. I feel disrespected on a daily basis.
We currently rent, but looking to move and I am planning to personally but the next house we move into (put in my name) and seriously considering if I want a man who shows signs he doesn't respect or love marriage. The only thing holding me back is we have been together for so long and we have small children, and the thought of seeing my kids 50% of the time really hurts me inside and I don't trust his family alone with my kids because they don't know how to care for them and barely respect my boundaries when I am around as it is.
He argues that I knew what he was like but I said you didn't show me your true colours when we were together, only after we got married, and that had I known what he was really like and the way he thinks, which goes against a lot of what I need and want, I honestly would not have given him a second look.
Am I being over the top ??