Dh off for two weeks and I feel down

[Nobodysaiditwaseasyitssuchashame]

Dh has his two weeks off work now, we can’t really afford to go away properly this year, but live in a hot place by the beach/pools so lots of holiday type things to do.
My Dd will be back to school after it and I just wanted to spend this time with her. Dh and I are not getting on and I don’t feel as relaxed with him around and our routine being different. How can I try to make this a nice time but not be around him the whole time?
Feel so sad as imagine most people can’t wait for their other half to be off so they can spend time together, it’s not normal is it. Don’t want to be sat on a beach tense and miserable, just rang to relax with Dd

You've had all summer with your DD, now your DH gets to spend some time with her.

I think you're being unfair. If you need a break leave them to it and do stuff on your own.

Are you saying your DH is abusive OP?

@cupcaske123 Not sure if it’s classed as abusive, not physically, but I don’t feel renamed or happy around him anymore

If you feel comfortable, would you like to describe the way he treats you?

I think it depends a bit on the reasons you are not getting on. Sometimes a family day out/being out of the normal routine can be good when both partners are just feeling the weight of the daily grind and can help reconnect a bit. But if it’s beyond just not getting on in that sense and he’s really quite unpleasant, then I guess it’s a question of framing things so he feels they are in his best interests eg you deserve a rest, I’ll take DD out for a few days so you can chill in the house and then maybe visit your DP? Or I’ll take DD to the park this morning so you can get some rest and maybe you guys go for icecream in the afternoon? Movie afternoon/night with popcorn so you don’t have to talk. I know what you mean about wanting to give your DD family days out but if it’s going to be tense all round, it won’t be fun for anyone. I guess at some point you need to think about what you want going forward. All the best x

@cupcaske123 An example is a few days ago, we had bbq and salad for dinner, I went to get the mayo and he’d used it all, I said ‘Aww I wanted some mayo’ (cant eat salad without mayo really) he went really nasty and said for me not to make the face I did 🤷🏻‍♀️he was close to me and kind of lunged near me, said no one else makes him feel the way I do and that I was an arsehole. I was shocked and just trying to carry on getting the dinner ready and keep calm.
Today he brought biscuits in for Dd when I was just getting dinner out, Dd asked what was for dinner, I told her then said she should save her biscuits for after it as it was ready now. He started saying (in front of Dd, luckily she was distracted) ‘What’s the problem…( my name?’ I was just ignoring him as didn’t want to speak like this in front of Dd, he doesn’t think about her hearing or being involved, he’s too emotional and can’t control his emotions and storms about if something bothers him. I’ve been with him since I was young and now just see it as pathetic and just horrible and I don’t want to be around it

*Relaxed

@Nobodysaiditwaseasyitssuchashame I'm not surprised you don't want to be around him if he's treating you like that. He sounds nasty and as though he's always on your back.

Abusive relationships are often difficult to see, especially if it's all you've known.

What I advise is to grey rock and try to disengage. Look into how to separate. You might find Gingerbread useful, they have a good helpline.

Contact your local domestic abuse organisation for a chat as I'm sure this is the tip of the iceberg. They will help you understand what's going on.

Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

This is abusive behaviour. Can you go with your DD to your parents (if your relationship is good with them)/friends/anywhere really? Tell him he needs a break and some rest. I think you need some headspace to reflect and figure out what you want to do. This is a damaging relationship for you and your child. You can’t be walking on broken glass forever. I know it’ll be hard to even think about leaving but it seems like it will give you the peace and happiness you deserve x

Lock him in a cupboard for two weeks 🙈

Well, he doesn't sound very nice so I'm not surprised you don't want to be around him. How old is your DD? Can you have some nice days out with her without your husband, maybe meeting up with a couple of her friends and their mums? And let him have a few days taking her out and about on his own? Longer term, you really need to think seriously about whether you are going to stay in this relationship - he isn't kind or loving to you and you deserve to be with someone who is 💐

God he sounds horrible, I’m not surprised you can’t relax. This is not normal OP.

@Trebol Its dry

He sounds awful... He sounds toxic and you need to put yourself and your daughter first. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

This. Maybe your DH wants time with his daughter too. Does he know you feel so resentful about his presence?

He’s abusive and aggressive. So you need to start making arrangements to ensure it’s safe to leave. It doesn’t have to be now, but it will have to be at some point. Don’t bring your dd up around that toxic shit.

I agree with this

I think you need to go your separate ways. No one should be living like this

@ABirdsEyeView I suspect more do that people imagine, sadly