Families with three kids

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I’m envious of them

I’m a teacher and often go to different family houses to tutor or babysit. I’ve noticed a real family and homely feel when there are three kids or more, the noise, the banter.
It makes me feel quite sad when I come back home to my, albeit it, lovely but small family-Dd, 6, Dh, Ddog and I
I grew up with a brother & sister and feel
a bit sad for my Dd

We look at your set up and think how peaceful, how nice to have 1-1 time, you must have opportunities to do stuff just for dc without having to think of other children.

no right choice, no perfect family. Pros and cons of each x x

Do you actually want more DC?

YANU for your feelings as they are yours. Any family can be happy whether it’s small or large - it’s what you make of it that counts. You may find your house becomes the “hub” for your child’s friends as they will foster close friendships and you will have time to get to know your child’s friends and life super well.
I do get why you would feel that way, but small families have benefits too. ❤️

@Lindjam I would have loved to, but can’t unfortunately

I know what you mean, the hustle and bustle, kids can play with another child. It’s one of the reasons we had three.

But the grass is always greener, there are pros and cons to every situation. There are downsides to having three. We don’t have any help with childcare so me and DH have not had an evening or day out together alone for literally years. Having three kids is expensive. Our house isn’t really big enough but we can’t afford to move. Holidays are expensive. There’s always someone who needs something and moments like this (where I can sit on my arse on mumsnet!) are quite rare. Etc etc. They are lovely obviously but I am sometimes envious of those with a quieter house!

@JaneDoeHere Yes, that’s the plan, Dd already has her two neighbour friends over to play a lot and I organise activities, pizza, movie night etc & bbqs

I hope you’re right! I’m expecting number three and slightly terrified…

I agree with @Tryingtohelp12 though. There’s no ideal family size - I’m sure all have pros and cons!

Oh yes I do also feel very guilt that mine don’t really get 1:1 time with me. I played a game of snap with my three year old yesterday and realised it was probably the first time in weeks that it had been just me and her 😢

I have three boys and, honestly, I love the chaos and the noise. It’s not always laughter and banter but I’m very firm on how we treat each other - banter is fine but no teasing, and physical fights will be dealt with harshly.

But it’s very expensive, a big car, holidays are expensive, fucking school shoes for three is eye watering and food, particularly when they reach their teenage years. The bloody fridge is permanently empty.

I feel like even two kids isn’t quite the same, it’s the three kids families, Dh and I both grew up in these families

You're allowed to have your feelings but as a fellow mum of one child and dog I feel sad that you don't feel you have a 'real' family. I certainly do. Our house is filled with laughter and silliness. Dd has lots of friends and cousins over (currently bouncing around her bedroom after last nights sleepover). Make the family life you want with what you've got.

The grass isn't always greener. I grew up one of 6 and it was constant noise, fighting, trying to get parental time and stressed parents who were knackered.

@circular1985 Of course we have a real family, it’s just different when it’s just us for example or when Dh is at work

Totally get it - here is DS, me and ddog. But I would never have the relationship I have with DS if it there were more of us, and I wouldn't be able to have supported him in the way I did. I don't think I'll ever not have a tiny sense of sadness I didn't have more, but given my circumstances I know my decision was right. We have to focus on what we have and feeling so grateful for that. I did allow myself to feel sad about it for a while and if you haven't done that then you should, but really if you have a happy and healthy child and a good relationship with them life if going really well.

Having had three, I feel it’s a difficult number. Oldest DC would gang up with one of the younger DC, and deliberately pick on the other one - classic example was playing Risk!

I have 3. 2 boys and a girl. It is lovely that they have each other but they do argue relentlessly! It’s really hard to find childcare for 3 and like others have said, very expensive. I wish I had time to give them 1:1 time but it’s very rare that happens. They definitely don’t get the individual attention they need, especially as me and DP both work full time (which is needed with 3 kids!) We love them having friends over but it does become chaos. Our oldest DS (11) has two friends sleeping tonight and I’m preparing for the bedlam. I think there’s pros and cons to all family sizes and whilst you might look at my family and see the positives, I too would look at yours and see the positives.

It’s more about family dynamics and shared interests than family size. I’m one of three and we rarely played together as children, we just didn’t have much in common and preferred our own company or that of our friends. We were all either mostly out, or hanging quietly in our own rooms, we weren’t a loud, buzzing family. DH is also one of three and much the same, didn’t play with his sisters as children as he preferred playing out with his friends.

Feeling sad over what you imagine is missing when it wouldn’t be a given however many children you had is counterproductive, if your DD has playmates around who are those she’s chosen and has lots in common with, she’s having a great childhood.

As a mum of three girls, I also enjoyed the hustle and bustle of a lively household when they were younger - even when I was a working single mum. Now I have two teenagers and a 12yo I find it quite hard work sometimes.

Also, because of the age gap between the eldest and youngest, there were times when it was hard to find activities to do as a family that they would all enjoy.

I guess there are pros and cons to any family size.

It's a lot of hard work with three but yes it can be fun. If you have the time and energy maybe you could think about providing a home for a foster child? When my kids are grown up I'll be looking at fostering, I love having a busy home.