Cannot comprehend this change in behavior recently

[Createausername1234]

Hello All,
I hope you are well.
Sorry long post alert, I had a peculiar incident at a dental clinic and wanted to check if this is something I am imagining or has anyone felt this way recently please?

To give some context, I am Indian(raised as a Christian in India) in my early 40s, moved to the UK 16 years ago, live in a predominantly white neighborhood. Kids attend catholic primary school. Children's school friends are from English families. My kids loves her friends and school to bits and enjoy going to school thoroughly. They have never been made to feel they are less or different due to their skin color. Both of us work in the corporate world. I am part of an amazing team and that includes my manager who is British. I have raved about how amazing my manager is, I have a secret preference for working for British managers.
The last 2-3 weeks have been really interesting. I work from home, so don't go out a lot and with school holidays, it's been a lot less. I had a dental appointment and when I walked in, the receptionist (British based on her accent) seemed very cold which was unusual. On my way out, I purposefully went to another receptionist(there were 2) who was fine. While at the surgery, another older British lady walked in. Usually, I have noticed that older ladies gently smile when we happen to make eye contact by accident. In this instance, she stared at me walked over, and then again stared at me. In both instances, I tried to smile gently but was reciprocated by a cold face. I would have dismissed it as having a bad day in general, but both the receptionist and the old lady were laughing and smiling when they were talking to each other.

I have to admit this is the only instance I have felt this way. I went to a pet adoption agency recently and the team(very young volunteers) were so warm and welcoming.

I now worry about how my kids will feel after recent incidents when school re-opens. I have seen a lot of solidarity(loved how everyone came together at the end of the riots) but I also still see a lot of hate(comments under YouTube videos). Is anyone in similar boats, please? I know it is such a trivial incident, but I guess that has gotten to me and I am starting to worry about kids now. How do I overcome this?

Hello! I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. I’m white and so not in the same position but didn’t want to read and run. I’ve seen other friends who are brown or black share how the recent events have unsettled them

Im not much help in terms of practical solutions but in terms of schooling for the kids - could you check in with the schools on whether they are doing anything proactive on anti-racism after the riots?

Thank you so much @seasprites , you are so kind! I will reach out to the school.

I’m white, so I can’t offer any practical experience with racism, OP. But I want to say that I’m sorry you’re in this position. It’s bad enough having all the normal worries about raising kids, without also having to worry about them facing racism.

You also ask whether you might be imagining the experience in the dental clinic - I suppose it’s possible that you were feeling a little vulnerable and therefore misinterpreted things; but on the whole I think you should trust your instincts. There are many people in the UK who are racist, and they are people from all kinds of backgrounds. It’s rational that you should feel wary of people who seem to be unfriendly towards you for no good reason. I’m just very sorry that the racism in our society forces you to be vigilant in this way.

I hope the new school year turns out to be happy and successful for your DC. They are lucky to have a mum who cares so much about them.

Really sorry to hear this. Advice to ask about anti racism awareness at school is great. Our (Catholic and the most racially & socially diverse school around here) has really stepped up in the past year on promoting ethnic diversity and looking at the experiences of black and ethnically diverse people, so hopefully they will be equally positive about doing something strong on this.

It maybe you just unfortunately came across a couple of miserable arseholes. Or maybe they are racist, you will never know. I’m white, smile at everyone, but some people look at me like I’m a bloody murderer! If I wasn’t white, yes it would cross my mind that they didn’t like your colour, if I was very overweight, I might think that could be a factor etc…… Most people are lovely, but you will always bump into the fun suckers too. Don’t give them headspace, they don’t deserve it.

I always find people are more miserable in dentist waiting rooma than other places. I assume it’s down to fear of the dentists and pain. I’m not saying you didn’t experience racism on this occassion.

It seems a bit of a slight incident to term it a 'change of behaviour' seeing as it seems to be the first 'incident' in 16 years.

Maybe the lady and the receptionist knew each other?

@GreenPoppy
Why do you think the older British lady stared at @Createausername1234 , not once but twice?

Sorry you encountered this @Createausername1234

All the receptionists at our dentists are cold, hard faced people, maybe it’s part of the job description. I’ve been going there 20 years I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of them crack a smile.

I‘m a foreigner where we live (not UK) but white and over the years I’ve had many experiences and have learnt to differentiate between what is xenophobia and just generally being a miserable bum! I’m certain if I were not white that this would be a factor in the above but I would definitely include the miserable bums as racist. My whiteness has given me the privilege I guess of assuming misery rather than racism.
It's such a depressing mind game.
I am so sorry you’ve experienced this. In conversation with my non-white ex husband about these things - he is convinced he has never experienced racism in the UK (really!) and our kids are incredulous about it. It’s really difficult. In your particular instance I would say that the two women probably know each other outside of the clinic and are just rude miserable bums with others. Also we go to two different dental clinics- in one everyone is lovely, the other it’s like where hope goes to die!!

Thank you all. I guess a lot of it could be my imagination too..but I sincerely appreciate each one of you for taking time and replying to my post. Have a lovely rest of the weekend .

I’m white, live in an area that is 20% Asian and in my experience there is more racism in predominantly white towns. Your children’s school have a duty to teach British Values so please talk to them about your concerns following the recent riots.

I can’t say the hate speech is going to stop online - although the prison sentences might give the keyboard warriors pause for thought. Hopefully anyway.

Hate speech in schools won’t be tolerated. It is a huge safeguarding concern for Ofsted and could be career-ending for a headteacher who doesn’t address it immediately.

We are not all racist so please keep smiling at people as usual, don’t let one experience get you down. So sorry you have been made to feel this way by a vocal minority.