To expect better from nursery?

[dreamer24]

My little girl (age 3) came home from nursery today with heavily soiled knickers and had clearly either had an accident or not properly wiped after the toilet. She was so sore she cried when I cleaned her in the shower so I'm assuming it had been that way for a good few hours as it was quite dried on her bottom. I asked her whether she'd asked for help using the toilet and she said not, but what she tells me isn't always reliable because she's 3, so I don't know if she did or not. But for whatever reason, she's been left sitting in her own poo for some of the day. I could also smell it in the car so it would have presumably been evident to anyone near her.

I called the nursery to express my concerns and the person I spoke to was immediately defensive, saying "we can't go in the toilet every time with them, it's a 1:8 ratio". I replied that I wasn't expecting someone to go in "every time" but just for the staff to maybe support her a little more, ask if she needs help, or check she's wiped properly etc. she also said "maybe you could work with her at home too, tell her to ask for help from the staff". I said I have done exactly that this evening but that i haven't done it before this point it's not been a problem previously? I then spoke to the manager who was much more helpful and apologetic and said she would speak to the staff and ask them to put more support in place for her after the toilet etc.

I'm just wondering if I'm expecting too much? My daughter only just turned 3 a few months ago and whilst she's been potty trained since January, she does still need help with wiping properly after a poo. My friend whose little boy is the same age said she didn't think I was being unreasonable in expecting some support for my daughter with wiping after the toilet and that her 3 year old son would also need the same support.

I just feel so sad that my little girl was soiled and sore first at least part of the day, and is now very sore, it's really got to me. 😞 And the comments by the member of staff who I initially spoke with have annoyed me, surely the staffing ratio isn't my issue? I'm paying for my child to be cared for, and on a basic level surely this means a clean bottom?

They aren’t adhering to the law, assuming U.K.

I work in a pre-school, we definitely do give a fuck even though we are busy. We know children will end up sore if they aren’t clean and if we know children struggle we absolutely do wipe for them, and also clean them up if they’ve got into this situation. Very occasionally a parent may let us know their child has gone home soiled and the conclusion we have come to is that it’s been right at the end of the day and they haven’t told us/we haven’t smelt it.

@dreamer24

this is the first time she's had a toilet issue since she was 'toilet trained' in January. I think you're being unfair on the nursery.

better?

@SunQueen24

have you read the thread?

the chikdten take themselves off to the toilet. The staff will help if they're asked. Or know there's a problem, but they're not mind readers. They don't know if there's as issue if they're not asked for help (or smell it themselves). No one has said they don't have time to wipe. They don't have time to follow every child to the toilet.

@SummerSplashing
You don't need to be arsey with me, your original comment was non specific and therefore unclear. Yes, it's my first issue relating to toileting, but that's not what you asked.

@dreamer24

i didn't ask you anything?!

what I said wasn't arsey, I just said I think you are being unfair on the nursery.

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

If she still needs help, she's not fully toilet trained. Which isn't a problem, but they need to be on it more

I understand why you're upset, it's horrible when they're so sore 😔 but I think when you said that you hadn't needed to talk with her about asking for help because it hadn't been a problem previously- to be fair, that also applies to the staff if this is the first time this has happened. If she normally goes to the toilet independently and it isn't usually an issue, it's fair enough that they wouldn't realise that things had gone wrong on this occasion unless she said something or was visibly dirty/really smelled strongly of poo. Now you've made them aware, hopefully they'll be more proactive about offering help with wiping.