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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Falling asleep on the phone together is needy and weird?

29 replies

PersephoneSeethes · 23/08/2024 14:42

My 17 year old DS has been dating a girl from school for about six months, she is a year older than him and this is his first girlfriend. We live a fair distance from his school and so they can't see each other regularly out of term time.

I was giving my other child screen time for a game, they both have ADHD so we still keep gaming regulated because it's been an issue in the past, and I happened to see DS's screentime useage. It was at some crazy level which I didn't think possible because it was more hours in the actual week, I gently asked DS about it and reminded him that I don't like phones in his room. Now he's getting older, I'm becoming less strict with it and I'm just trying to discuss the issues of phones in bed etc.

He said that he and his girlfriend fall asleep together while on the phone, leaving it on all night. Is it a new thing that people are doing with basically free voice calls these days or are they being particularly needy? I grew up with a (self funded) mobile phone from first year university in the late 90s, so I'm not a techno-phobe. My husband and I just find it bizarre, needy and slightly concerning, there have been some other troubling patterns of behaviour from DS's girlfriend in the past.

OP posts:
Gilbertwasawuss · 23/08/2024 14:48

He is 17... it is SO normal for them to be a bit intense and want to spend every second with each other.

But if there's control or abuse concerns within the relationship, then I think you need to gently discuss those with him.

Not allowing his phone or telling him he cant talk to her at night wont actually help though and will drive them closer together.

Being a kind and supportive presence who he can come to if things go badly is a better way to go.

We all go through these relationships that end up being a learning curve.

Shallysally · 23/08/2024 14:50

My DD used to do the same when she first started seeing her BF. Apparently it’s what some young people do.

She and her friends would do the same during the Covid lockdowns.

readysteadynono · 23/08/2024 14:51

Normal teen romance stuff

BeatsAntique · 23/08/2024 15:00

Very, very normal at this age. I definitely did it, and I know my DC has as well. All part of the joys of discovering new elements of growing up.

CooksDryMeasure · 23/08/2024 15:02

Interesting to see the responses above!

my DD did this with her coercive controlling older boyfriend. For me it’s a red flag. Yes I remember long phone calls ‘you hang up’ ‘no you hang up’ etc but for me this is an issue around healthy boundaries in a relationship.

PointsSouth · 23/08/2024 15:09

.....are there teenagers who don't do this when they're smitten?

I mean, one wouldn't be a proper parent if one didn't roll the eyes and tut. But, having done that, I secretly think it's rather lovely.

CissOff · 23/08/2024 15:21

Normal. My dd did it with her bf in the beginning.

longdistanceclaraclara · 23/08/2024 15:22

Totally normal. Along with 'you hang up, no you hang up, no you' ad infinitum and now they have unlimited data mostly they can carry it on as long as they want.

Punchedlasagne · 23/08/2024 15:24

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LlynTegid · 23/08/2024 15:25

It may be commonplace, but I agree with the OP it is weird.

Balloonhearts · 23/08/2024 15:28

They're 17. They think they're being romantic. Let them enjoy it now, in 10 years time the ultimate romantic gesture will be doing the washing up.

Juliet194 · 23/08/2024 15:30

Surprised at the comments saying it's normal nowadays. I must be a dinosaur, but it seems pretty fucking weird to me 🤣.

WickieRoy · 23/08/2024 15:30

DH and I were long distance from 18, we definitely would've done this if we could've afforded it! We could barely afford texts haha.

It wouldn't worry me in itself, it's quite sweet really.

User364837 · 23/08/2024 15:30

Oh man 🙈 this has just reminded me that I did this (age 41 🙈) with someone I thought I was in deep love with. We were video calling late and I was getting sleepy and he suggested I prop up the phone and fall asleep so he could watch me fall asleep then he’d hang up. CRINGING now

countrysidelife2024 · 23/08/2024 15:32

me and my now husband used to fall asleep on facetime together as we were long distance, it felt nice like i was sleeping next to him. Yabu.

Mrsttcno1 · 23/08/2024 15:33

My husband and I also used to do this sometimes when he worked away for longer periods of time, I don’t think it’s massively unusual on it’s own but obviously if there are other concerns that is different

Helpimfalling · 23/08/2024 15:34

😂 my 17year olds girlfriend can be heard here snoring in my house every night.
From over face time.

His room sharing brother has taken to the sofa in disgust.

Oh to be young again 😂

WhereIsMyLight · 23/08/2024 15:35

It’s romantic when you’re a teen. He’ll look back and cringe in about 5 years time.

Dweetfidilove · 23/08/2024 15:36

43 and remember these days fondly 😊.

You hang up, no you hang up 🥰.

... No, I'm just listening to you breathe 🥰.

I thought this was just stupid young 'smitten' behaviour. I'm by no means needy and will drop a boy (then) like he never existed.

If there are actual controlling behaviours, of course that's to be dealt with.

ExpectantEs · 23/08/2024 15:37

I used to do this with my ex, FaceTimed during the whole night and wake up together and continue the conversation. This was during covid when we weren't in eachother's bubbles and couldn't spend the night.

Even if it wasn't covid, it's just something people do. I'm 30 and I know a few friends that have done this with their boyfriends.

SwingTheMonkey · 23/08/2024 15:40

Didn’t we all do stupid shit when we were ‘in love’ as teenagers? I’m surprised you find it so shocking - he’ll grow out of it.

It’s also insane you’re policing your son’s phone use! He’s 17, why are you treating him like a child?

GymClassHeroes · 23/08/2024 15:44

I find it quite creepy and weird, but I can see lots of people don’t!

It’s making me giggle abit, the thought of dh and I doing that. I’m a pretty ugly sleeper, mouth open, that sort of thing. When I’m tired, I just want to go to sleep, not be on FaceTime.

I think it’s just young love, op.
They will grow out of it.

gamerchick · 23/08/2024 15:47

It's not a new thing. People used to do it on landlines. It's weird to me but some people like it. Especially if they have anxiety and live alone.

As long as I don't have to do it...

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 23/08/2024 15:49

I wouldn't have done it as a teen because we didn't have mobile phones and my dad would be on the extension after half an hour demanding that we get off the phone. But in these days of unlimited minutes it doesn't seem that weird or ominous by teen standards. Just get him off the phone if you don't like it.

TinyGingerCat · 23/08/2024 15:53

🤣🤣 at the poster who said people did it on landlines - I had visions of trying to go to sleep in the hall whilst the family stepped over me, and my dad screamed about the cost of the phone bill.

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