To ask if you struggle with emotions as an adult…..

[Haddag]

…what was your childhood like?

I have had next to no self esteem my entire life and have never been able to regulate my emotions. Im 40 now. I feel so much grief for the person I would have been had I not experienced the childhood I did.

it wasn’t entirely bad and my parents definitely meant well. But I learned absolutely nothing about how to regulate emotions. How to stay calm and in control of my emotions. I’ve done reckless things when relationships ended as I felt so unstable. I really struggle with coping with emotions and it’s had a huge impact on my life.

I often feel scared about how I will feel if someone lets me down. I think ahead to it and experience the feeling and feel sick and scared. I then experience it again if it actually happens. I don’t feel in control of myself sometimes, on an emotional level. Anger, sadness etc. it floods me. Has anyone had this and got better?

Oh yes I identify with what you are saying OP.
I have no self esteem at all because of my childhood .
It is one thing knowing WHY you are as you are, recognising how your past has affected you , and it is quite another to change yourself in the light of this knowledge.
I've always been a loose canon as regards my emotions. I think CBT has helped but cutting contact with my family was the biggest factor in finding a level of calmness . I wish I'd done that years ago. It's given me a level of peace with myself.

This is going to be a somewhat lacking message as I’ve just taken a sleeping pill but I have issues regulating my emotions too so I wanted to say that I understand how it feels. (I have ADHD though and it’s common in that case.)

For me, the fluctuations aren’t too bothersome on the daily because I don’t feel that strongly about a lot of things BUT with breakups and big conflicts, I am an absolute disaster for prolonged periods of time.

I wish I had a helpful answer for you but for me, there’s nothing that helps other than time passing after I’ve been triggered. I think if I had a better happiness baseline, I might bounce back quicker but I haven’t managed to change that so I can’t help you much with that either…

In the moment where ‘the big thing’ triggers me, I really can’t do anything about it other than try to remove myself from the situation and talk it out with someone but that’s more about saving face in terms of SHOWING the emotion, rather than actually regulating it in any way. It helps if I’m not feeling bad about that too though!

I really do understand, OP. So I can offer you solidarity if nothing else.

I think self-compassion helps. Try Kristen Neff's website and Tara Bracht. Also mindfulness can be good.

Hrt worked best for me, though.

This is a good point. I’m ruthless with cutting out people - including family - who trigger me in a big way. It doesn’t solve the problem but it’s really helpful to remove clear triggers.

Feeling neglected or abandoned as a child can leave it's mark and something simple like a friend rescheduling plans or a work mate not following through on a promise can trigger all those painful feelings. Have you thought about trying therapy to understand why you respond the way you do? Playing out negative scenarios and imaging the worst, to test just awful it would feel, can be tackled with CBT techniques. Probably much more effective to access via a professional however self help options do exist.

I have since my gran died last year. It has brought so much to the surface. I didn’t feel supported. I was used as an emotional punch bag. I was expected to be so bloody stoic.
Seeing happy people now makes me bitter. Hearing other people’s life progress makes me angry. I hate change. I just want to feel safe.

Today I spoke to the vicar of our church who is so lovely and kind and I cried for half an hour like a twat, literally triggered by something small and disconnected.

I wish my life was different. I feel pretty pointless.

@otravezempezamos Ah this made me sad to read. You are not pointless and it’s not emotional disregulation to cry when you’re hurting.

Might you have what used to be called Borderline Personality Disorder? It’s now called something else.

Around family it doesn’t go down well. It makes them ‘uncomfortable’. I have cried so much on my own it is like being turned inside out, until I am exhausted. Rarely around anyone else. It has taken until today even to open up about some things. I know her life has been hard too so I trust her.
I am 33 and feel pointless. I have moved back to my hometown after 11 years abroad (which I am happy about) but I am single, still finding my feet and have made a big effort but it’s all so tiring.

bloody hell, that’s a bit of a leap