To feel upset about this? Or am I over reacting

[Mrsgrapesauce]

MIL & FIL visited today they haven’t seen our since we moved in. It’s not ours but it’s a housing association home. Feel very lucky to have got it! As we was spending over 1.3k a month on rent now we only pay £600. Lovely big new build with everything we need.

FIL got here and wanted to leave almost straight away he kept nudging MIL to say are we going now. Turns out he went to BIL straight after! I wouldn’t mind but he goes to BIL everyday!!

It just made me feel abit shit! DH doesn’t notice anything i had to tell him. But I watched FIL repeatedly nudge MIL to hurry up.

AIBU? I’m a bit hormonal at the min so could just be that. 😩

I think it depends on your usual dynamic with them. Do you usually see them often?

Sounds like a win if they won't be hurrying back....

FIL wasn't comfortable and left. Given that you clearly don't like him, it isn't that surprising. Why are you bothered though?

As others have said, it depends on your usual dynamic. If my parents did that, I’d be hurt, but that’s because we spend a lot of time together, have a good relationship, no issues, so if they hurried off I’d think something was obviously wrong. However if my PIL did this I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest, we don’t have a lot of contact with them, we don’t see much of them or have a great relationship/not close to them, so them popping past briefly and then leaving would just be normal for them.

I’m not sure why you
mentioned the house being housing association. Has it got something to do with it?

FIL was very rude.

Is there a family dynamic where FIL prefers BIL to DH? Just don’t bother inviting him again.

And the rent?

Actually yes, what’s the issue here? How is it relevant to FIL being rude?

Oh I love FIL we’ve always been close.

BIL has just brought his house so I feel like FIL wasn’t interested in our little housing association house

Is there something missing what relevance is how much rent you pay and the fact it’s housing association?

But you said it was a big new build,? Not little?

Not as big as BIL house I should say!

I don't think your outgoings or that it's a housing association new build have anything to do with it unless there's a significant dripfeed to come.

FIL doesn't feel comfortable in your home and wanted to leave after a cuppa. Whether that's because he doesn't get on with you or DH, whether he's allergic to your dog or whether he's a miserable git, we can't say.

How much time do you spend together usually?

If you’ve always been close I don’t get it. What would have changed to make him be all nudgy?

Did d he make comments comparing your house with BIL

When we go to their house we’re pretty much there all day. Like I said he also sits at BILs all day since he’s brought his house.

OP, I understand exactly what you're saying.
You're excited about your new house- it's lovely and new and it's a huge saving from your previous rented home, which must make a huge difference to your family finances and you're feeling like you've won a watch and are so happy! You want your in-laws to be pleased for you and share in your excitement but they've made you feel like they're not interested because they wee dismissive and didn't hang around. You're worried that it's because the house is not "yours" whereas bil (who they see often) owns his house and they spend lots of time with him.
Of course it smarts!
But just being devil's advocate here- there's every possibility that it's nothing to do with who owns what or who rents or even how nice your respective houses are: your in-laws might only be closer to different family members or who knows what dynamics are at play!
Try not to be hurt and don't let it spoil your enjoyment of your fantastic new home!

No he didn’t say anything about our house to be honest not that I need him to. But all I’ve heard is him talk about all this work BIL is having done on his house and how good it looks and he could barely sit here for 30 mins.

Maybe he needed to poo or pick up something from the chemist, you know just a normal 'come on love we need to get going nudge' it's your own insecurities turning it into a thing about social housing vs owning especially if you get on with them.

Very much this!

I honestly suspect it’s not got anything to do with the house or your relationship.

they haven’t seen our since we moved in

Did you move in last week or ten years ago?

If you have always got on really well with your father in law, why do you think he is behaving like this? Does he think you should not be in a housing association house or something? Did he comment on the house/area?

Did you ask if they weee in a hurry as they seemed eager to get somewhere else?

It does sound like he was being really rude. Your poor MIL, she must have been so embarrassed by his behaviour. I hope she told him off once they were in private.

Yeah, I think this is stemming from an insecurity of yours OP around BILs house being bigger and better than yours.

Unlwas theres an underlying, unexplained back story, you need to just let this go.

Was MIL pleasant?

Yes MIL wasn’t in a rush to leave and wanted to look round the house.

Im a massive over thinker so I can tend to think too much into things. But it just feels a little shitty that all especially the fact he went straight over to BIL.

But anyway on a more positive note … congratulations on your lovely new house! And how wonderful you’ll be able to save on what you were paying on rent before! What’s your favourite thing about the new house? Tell us about that and never mind grumpy old impatient FIL 😂