To ask for assurances she will behave

[CrazyCatMom]

DH and I married 23 months ago, and at our wedding FIL’s partner tried to start a fight with DH over seating plans in church and then started an argument in the middle of my speech. I suspect there may have been some wine involved.

After wedding, I asked for an apology which was never given so went NC with FIL and his wife for 18 months, until DS was born in March and they turned up on our doorstep, demanding to hold the baby 2 days after my emergency c-section when I was trying to establish breastfeeding (a whole other AIBU if you ask me 😂)

Anyway, we are having DS christened next month and DH (understandably!) wants his dad there. I’ve said this is fine as long as FIL and wife assure me that she will behave herself beforehand. Is this unreasonable to ask?

(Additional context, christening is our anniversary weekend at church we were married at so I am worried about tensions running high! vicar is likely to mention this)

Well I wouldn’t phrase it like that!

I’m open to suggestions!! 😂

I would word it
No she can't come, if FIL wants to come on his own fine but if not also fine

It would be a hard no from me, I'm afraid. Your DH needs to have your back and accept that his Dad can't come because sadly, he's married to a woman who can't behave herself in public.

She spoilt your wedding. I wouldn't risk the christening.

Op, you are talking about someone who made a scene during your wedding reception, and then who just showed up at your home, right after having a baby, and demanded to hold your newborn. These are not people who can be trusted or reasoned with. These are utter lowlifes who should be kept as far away from you and your child as possible.

Please, be sensible and realistic. You know who these people are, and they won't be changing.

I wouldn't extend the invitation to her (I'm guessing she's not your husband's mum as you said partner) and I would expect your husband to convey the message and the reasoning. Will school be involved after the christening?

I wouldn’t invite her at all. FIL only.

I think it's obvious what would happen if they came. I'd say FIL can come but not her. Not until she apologises and you believe her.

FIL only or not at all. You cannot be held accountable for his bad choice, and he should have to accept that it is reasonable based on past behaviour.

I think YABU because whatever she may promise beforehand, you can't really trust her to behave. So just say clearly she isn't invited.

Don't serve any alcohol?

I come from a culture where “wetting the baby’s head” in the pub/social club after a christening is almost as important as the holy water 😬