well am i? (long...V long..life story. sorry!)

[Makingdo]

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Your biological mother is in the wrong. You had a helluva lot going on that day, and being pregnant and tired is a biological fact ~ clearly she's upset she feels left out, but really has noone to blame but herself. She is being childish.

I would write to her (calmer that way and you can think through your thoughts) and say something like you are happy for her to be part of your life, but you have other people's feelings and needs to consider as well as hers (if you are happy to - if not, tell her that too, calmly and politely). YANBU

I think that you will have to keep your distance because she seems to have a lot of problems, not helped by drink. I wouldn't cut her off altogether but try not to get too involved.

Phew... That was an essay
to start of course YANBU.....
I'm afraid I can't give you loads of advice,...not very experienced in these things. But it sounds like your mum has problems with control, which is always made worse alcohol IM little E. So difficult for you and stressful as she is your mum, but if you can I would think about stepping back a bit just to protect yourself. You deserve better than this, you're pregnant and at the moment you should be thinking about you and your dc's.Not stressing about your mums frankly bizarre controlling behaviour. I'm sure someone will come along in a minute who has been in this sort of situation and can give you much better practical advice. I wanted to bump for you and say Good Luck x

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It's hard to know what the true stories were from your childhood, but my feeling is that she would have made contact somehow if she'd really wanted to.

Maybe suggest a date she can come and see her (biological) grandchildren -maybe go somewhere neutral like a playground or something- and tell her that otherwise she needs to run by you any intented visits, or tell her simply that if she wants to be part of her grandchildren's lives, then she has to play by your rules.

{btw, your (emotional/real) mother will understand anything you've done in the past to try to mend bridges with biological mother]

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I think you're doing the right thing - you need to do what's best for you (don't stress yourself unnecessarily, esp. being pg) and for your family.

Sounds as though you should cut your loses, but concentrate on rebuilding bridges with your 'emotional' mum with whom it sounds as though you had a good, caring relationship.

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