Don’t want to discuss my mc

[nosleepforme]

Someone was texting me and asked in passing about my next pregnancy appointment and how’s it going. I had a miscarriage starting just a couple of hours ago. I text back that I’m no longer pregnant. They called, I answered as I thought it was about what they were texting me about. They were asking about my mc and I said twice I’m not willing to discuss it. They kept prying so after 5 mins I said that I’d hang up if they didn’t drop it.
I just don’t want to discuss it and I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business to ask for details. Why do they need details?! I’m grieving right now. Just allow me space especially if I’m asking for it.
is that unreasonable? Or do ppl have a right to details? Can’t tell if I’m being hormonal or not.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You not being unreasonable at all, a true friend would respect someone’s boundaries at such a difficult time.

I’m going through a miscarriage at the moment and I haven’t spoken to anyone except my husband. The family who knew have text to say they are thinking about me, but that they don’t expect a reply, which is the kindest thing they could have done.

You don’t owe anyone anything, you’re allowed to grieve however you need to. Hopefully your friend will take the hint.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, your friend sounds very insensitive. Are they usually like this?

I had a miscarriage and my DH had told my MIL that I didn’t want to talk about it, so when she came round the first thing she did was discuss it. Then she told me well, at least you can get pregnant.

This from a woman who’d had several miscarriages herself. I’ve realised since, she has no empathy or filter and I’ve reduced contact massively.

I’m sorry for your loss. When it happened to me, my MIL asked so many questions, really personal medical ones, and I just didn’t want to discuss it. YANBU at all to expect a friend to respect your privacy.

I had a miscarriage starting just a couple of hours ago

Have you had it confirmed in the couple of hours that this is definitely a miscarriage?

I’m no longer pregnant

You need to get checked to confirm not an ectopic by the EPU which your midwife should have given you details of, or go to A&E as some midwives direct you to in some places.

I agree with pp that if it’s sudden blood loss contact your midwife. If it’s expected then of course you will already know how you want it handled.

I’m so sorry for your loss and you definitely DON’T have to talk about it to anyone. How horrible she has been in you grief. Some things are too painful to discuss.

This, have you actually had it confirmed? They were being insensitive but I think I wouldn't have said anything during. I did tell quite a few people but only in the days and weeks after.

I am no longer pregnant.

Yes I’ve lost my pregnancy unfortunately.
didn’t realise it wasn’t ok for me to say anything to this person at all until a few weeks time. I don’t see what the point would be then? I wouldn’t offer the info. They were prying and I wanted it to stop.

I have a neighbour I'm friendly with who has had a recent cancer diagnosis. I asked how she was doing, she changed the subject and it was clear she didn't want to talk about this. I took the hint and we discussed other issues. People deal with all matter of things in different ways and you have to take your lead from them.

FWIW, when I had a mc, and my way of dealing with it was possibly more aligned with your MIL and most likely because of how the A&E dept dealt with me - "we're not worried about this, you shouldn't be worried about this, we'll worry if it's happened three times". I coped by understanding it was my body dealing with something that wasn't quite right and it was very much a natural process, but that doesn't stop me feeling empathy with others who will deal with a mc differently, and certainly doesn't stop me hearing what they're saying when they say they don't want to talk about it.

Love this message. Yes, I e had several mcs unfortunately. The last one only a few months ago.
I did catch a virus so the dr told me that the particular virus I had (normally harmless) may end my pregnancy as it gets passed to the foetus. So I wasn’t shocked.

They don't need details, it's on a need to know basis, and they don't need to know so good on you for standing your ground with the nosey so and so.

It is especially insensitive for people to attempt to drag sensitive information out of women who, have to endure MC, they are not trained therapists, they are nosey old farts who do more harm than good and this is why I suggest you create some distance from people like this to allow you time to heal and recover.

You may want to block them until you feel better, I am very sorry this has happened and I wish you the very best.

Stay strong OP, you got this

Thank you so much for all the lovely messages! They’re like little hugs. It’s really special how supportive and nice ppl are!
xx

Hell I didn't even want to discuss mine with dh.... Hope you are ok op.

Absolutely fine to not discuss it. They were trying to be supportive I'm sure, but YANBU

Sorry to hear what you’re going through.

If you tell someone you don’t want to discuss something, especially something very personal or upsetting, they need to shut up about it. No ifs or buts. YANBU.

Sorry for your loss and sorry that someone felt they had the right to basically harangue you . Take care .

Thanks everyone for these absolutely lovely messages! You’re all stars, each message is so supportive and really helpful. It’s so nice to be treated like this when I’m feeling a bit vulnerable.
in bed can’t fall asleep at all. Absolutely knackered but could be because of the virus I have.