To say they are silly not to do this ?

[BlueCheesePlease]

My friend has adult kids. All of them but one have flown the nest and are married.
They have a 37 year old still at home. She works but doesn't earn enough to move out alone, is single and has some physical disabilities. Yet friend wants to move to a rural area. This wouldn't work for my friends DD as she relies on trains to get to work and has to visit different work sites so very reliant on reliant transport.
Aibu to say that my friend should stop dithering and just go for it as the adult DD will have to make other arrangements ? The DD is saving for her own place but struggling to save on a single income.

I have a disabled son now in his 30s, who lives at home. Nobody knows what it is like, what his challenges are, what his strengths are, not my closest friends and family, not his doctors. So much cannot be put into words. I would feel very upset if one of my friends, even my lifelong friends, made judgements or thought they knew better than me as to the best thing for us. So my advice would be to say nothing but support your friend once she has made her own decisions.

Another voice of reason/dissent here. We live rurally, elderly PILs close by, and it’s a sodding nightmare. Old people need to be near facilities not expecting everyone else to take them to everything. I know people have this idea of retiring to the countryside but the reality is it’s a stupid idea.

As for the DD, mind your business.

This.

My relative moved to a rural idyllic location at nearly 70, and 6 months later developed a health issue which was livable with but prevented him driving. Massively limited quality of life and isolating in a way it wouldn't have been if he'd remained where he lived before.

1. Provide a job for their child, with an employer that won't find a way of sacking her as soon as they realise she's disabled. 2) Make sure she earns enough to rent and cover everything she needs in her own house or flat. 3) Provide people (professionals or not) who will always be there to support their child and pay for these people if needed 4) Or, instead of 3, provide reliable, accessible transport that goes from their rural dream home to everywhere the daughter needs to go for free.

If you don't want to do this, expect them to think you are horrible to want them to leave their daughter not getting the support she needs from them or the underfunded overstretched system, and be happy when they never talk to you again. I can guarantee that they want their daughter to live in a world where she can make it on her own, but if that world doesn't exist, and they don't want their daughter to fail to manage alone on benefits, with no social life, then they have no choice.

If hubby hadn't met me he would probably still be at home supported by his parents. However his parents are still always there for him- it's called parenting. And parenting a child with SEN is different- just because they are over 18 doesn't mean your parenting is done- as they often need more support and longer to get them ready for independent living. Hubby had a full time job but couldn't have actually lived independently without support- still couldnt- as cleaning and cooking is a struggle- reheating food in plastic containers in the aga is one example but there are many more...

This has happened in my family. Parents retired to remote countryside, without apparently grasping that they’d get very old with time. One died, but the other remains there and refused a suggestion to move. I saw it coming and it’s exactly as I feared it would be: very elderly and frail; marooned, really. Entirely predictable.

Unless your friend has asked you to post this, it isn’t any of your business