Is this a sign my DD is ND?

[RainbowHappy1]

I have just had a cry as it's hard at the minute. My DD is 5 and has intense emotions. For example, she will kiss my hand over and over, cuddle me tight again and again and shout love you, love you. On the other hand, if she is upset she will kick out, scream, hit me in the face, and get incredibly emotional, so much so that doesn't seem normal to me.

My 5yo does this..I do suspect he's ND for a host of other reasons but this particular 'switch' from "I HATE YOU EVIL MUMMY" with scratching, kicking etc. to "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING MUMMY" and lots of hugs is 99% hunger. It's like night and day before/after a meal. I sometimes wonder if he's hypoglycemic or something because he gets that hangry.

Yes that's it. I suspect my DD is for other reasons too, this is just one I am noticing a lot recently. She finds it hard to self regulate and sometimes can't rationalise with her

I'm sorry but this all sounds like normal childhood behaviour

Why jump to ND?

There's other things too but this is a big thing atm. Especially the kicking and hitting me and upset over very minor things.

Oh no there is no way to placate him. If we miss the window for food then it's full on smashing his fists on the pavement screaming how I'm the worst mummy in the world, rolling onto his back and flailing legs whilst screaming red faced in front of 40 onlookers. He's too big for me to carry off now so it's very embarrassing because it can take 20 mins of talking him down all while people stare and tut.

I would say it’s quite normal for lots of small children to struggle to regulate their emotions. My son found it so hard at 4 to be able to verbalise his feelings and got so angry at times, kicking and screaming. He’s the most chilled out teen now.

Let people stand and tut. It's not their child. They are seeing a very small window of time they don't understand the nuances of what led you to that point or the best method to get you all safely out of it. You are best placed to comfort your child whether you feel like it or not you are doing a grand job! For all other emergency hangry attacks let there be snacks!

One of the things you can do is to help them find the language to express their emotions, so things like 'you seem angry right now' or whatever. Not all children connect their intense states with emotions and this helps them identify what's going on. The book 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' is good for this. This worked well with one of mine, who turned out to be ND, was on the borderline for assessment for a good while.

Maybe … mine was like that, and got an ASD diagnosis at 17. I wish I had trusted my instincts and got on the pathway earlier instead of having a child out of education from 14-17, anxious, and threatening self-harm (all of which could well have been avoided with earlier diagnosis and support)

This worked brilliantly with my DD. Not at all with ds. He can't even hear you over the shouting/screaming.

@Kipperthedawg I agree, it's a technique for a child with some calmer bits and some meltdowns, it doesn't work in the middle of a tantrum, but it can work to help them recognise emotions earlier on and see them coming.

My dd had meltdowns til she was about 8, but that's when I got much harsher around hitting/throwing things, as I realised she was going to be an out of control teen. She had one epic meltdown and lost a day of computer use for every 'hit' or thing thrown, that following 11 days without a computer was like torture for all of us, but it did cure her of finding it ok to throw or hit us. We were lucky compared with many that it worked, but something had to give and no other consequences worked. She ended up a very calm teen, although neurodiverse.

ND behaviour is totally normal child behaviour until it continues past the point of age appropriateness.

Best thing to do with a young child showing traits is look through yours and dad's family tree, any odd bods, those with strained or failed relationships, those who are loners and prefer solitude, anyone particularly knowledgeable about specific topics / likes to collect things, anyone particularly good at logical things like science or crosswords, anyone with learning disability s, anyone likely self medicating with alcohol or drugs, anyone very talented but not reaching their potential, ancestors are unlikely to be diagnosed but ND is largely hereditary so if you can't identify family members then it's likely they are not

Read up on sensory processing OP, you might learn techniques for preventing meltdowns. Remember they can't communicate when they lose control and your words fall on deaf ears. Deep pressure can work for some kids, learning language around emotions helps too. Look up 'zones of regulation', I found that helpful. There are lots of different approaches depending on the child. The out of sync child is a book specifically about sensory processing disorder, it might help. I don't know these days if SPD is diagnosed separately, there was a time when it was only recognised with another ND issue.

I wouldn't be jumping to ND straight off as many kids grow out of this but putting her name down for assessment might be no harm just to be sure. Try not to worry too much, she is still very young.

I think the ‘big’ emotions is definitely a sign, especially at 5, aged 3 you might get away with it. . I also think once you think they there possibly something wrong as a mum that it’s for a reason and you are invariably right. My eldest is ND and giving consequences for him in a meltdown just didn’t work because he was out of control and this wasn’t bad behaviour. It was a proper ND meltdown. The best thing for him was time out. Put him somewhere safe and give him space to work it out himself. If I remained with him he couldn’t get control. I needed to leave him alone. Still the same now at 18. If he had a melt over something he takes himself off and knows he needs to be alone. Doesn’t happen often at all, maybe once or twice a year but still can just need to be alone to get control again.