I care more about others than they care about me

[Bounty95]

Does anyone else get the feeling that they care much more about others than what they care about you? I feel that I always go to an effort to comment/congratulate others but when I shared something I was proud of, no-one barely reacted. I get that the achievement was bigger for me than others, but I always make a fuss and see the others get a lot of reaction to their things. That got me thinking that if someone close to me (beyond family) was in the crisis I know I'd go over and beyond to help, but I then thought, if it was me that was in a crisis, would I have anyone apart from family that would do the same, and I thought, probably not. How do I care less about others?

I feel the same, I'm always putting others first, going out of my way to help, and it's left me feeling like I'm just a door mat to be honest, and someone whose feelings don't matter.
So I have stopped.
I still help others, but it's much more on my terms, and I have learned to say no and understand my own worth more.
I highly recommend it.

I feel the same, have scaled back drastically on the effort I make for other people and their life events which I used to feel I should make the effort for as it was not being reciprocated in any way. It gets easier the more you do it and put your energies into what makes you happy

I'm the same. I hate being sensitive to other people needing support or a "like" on a post.
I very rarely post but when I do I get very little support.
Would you like me to "like" anything for you?
My hobby, is different, the clue is in my user name 🤭

Same here. I’ve scaled back being nice and thoughtful . I don’t do it to be reciprocated but I don’t think many give me a second thought most of the time. I’m relearning how to please myself and look after myself more .

I think should perhaps examine why you do that. Social media posts are pretty tedious and it’s not really connecting with people.

You might need to think about why you need to be validated? And also maybe work on real life friendships.

Yes.
I haven’t messaged anyone for about 3 weeks now and have got zero messages from anyone.
I notice that it’s always me asking how they are, arranging meet-ups.
Recently one of my kids had an accident and a couple knew about it. Not a single message from any of them asking how my kid is doing.

In the past, I’ve gone above and beyond to support and help friends and family. They definitely do not reciprocate and never have.

So, I stopped. No one has noticed or seems to care which is fine.

life is quiet and pretty chilled now.

We can never know what the other person is thinking. And if we are talking about online interactions, then it’s a Wild West. Half the time your fiends won’t even be shown your posts. You’ll notice the same is true for your feed if you stop commenting a liking everything they post. The algorithm will adjust and you won’t see their posts anymore.
That’s why you should probably focus on real life. And also have a think about why you feel like you need to be caring so much for others. Because it is often driven by something within us, like desire to be liked or fear to offend, or fear of being left out…

Yes! I honestly think we are the nicer ones! Now trying to put my energy into myself rather than people that don't care about me! (Or the very few ones that do care)

I’ve noticed the same to be honest. A friend of mine went through an awful time and I gave up time with my own kids on Xmas Eve and there was a group of us supporting her in shifts for a period of about a week. I messaged and invited myself over the following Easter holidays and once again after that but haven’t been contacted by her at all. Not sure why I bothered and it did make me think about who would rally for me and I couldn’t think of anyone. It’s not something I would do again.

Put yourself first. Don't go out if your way if it's not appreciated.

My pal does what you do with her friends. Always buying them this or that in 'saw this and thought of you" moments.

Remembers birthdays and gives cards and presents.

Gets barely any thanks. One 'friend' doesn't even give her a card at her birthday!!

I told my pal to stop giving that person anything as she either doesn't appreciate the time and trouble you went to or doesn't have the time or funds to reciprocate so just stop.

But she says she "doesn't give to receive" and keeps doing it. Sigh.

It makes her feel good to do it. She values herself by what others think of her. I hate to say it but that person thinks very little of her. So I don't get why she won't stop.

Although I have good friends I know that they will always put themselves and their family first . As it should be I suppose but I have often sacrificed my own family time to accommodate their requests . And after a recent illness where I had no offers of help it made me realise who I could rely on .

Yep, when you have a major life event/crisis, people show you they are not there for you! Im the same as you op, always go above and beyond but i do ask myself if it was the other way around if they would do the same for me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Are you sure people don't care? Some people just aren't bothered about a fuss. Ive got a friend who expects a lavish fuss on every birthday, milestone, job promotion, graduation etc, and not just with her immediate family, with ALL her friends. I'm not really like that, for my birthdays i'll either go for dinner with DH and kids, or sometimes meet my sister for a drink. Im not fussed about presents really. So i probably don't instinctively make a fuss for others that I wouldn't want or expect myself.

It doesn't mean I don't care.

My pal does what you do with her friends. Always buying them this or that in 'saw this and thought of you" moments.Remembers birthdays and gives cards and presents.Gets barely any thanks. One 'friend' doesn't even give her a card at her birthday!!

See my friends and i would find this odd. We don't really exchange cards or gifts at birthdays. I think to be honest we all think cards are a bit of a waste of money. We did all go out for curry & drinks for a friends 40th.

Yeah I've given alot and never really recieved alot back. I've taken a huge step back this year and no one died !!

I like the advice I've read on here about trying to match other people's energy. I think this is especially true if you're starting to feel resentment.

A recent bereavement made me realise the same. I was so devastated by the lack of care and thought from those around me (those closest) that it was worse than the loss itself. A couple of good friends got me through.

But it’s had a profound effect and now I’m far less giving.

My priority is my own well-being and being the best parent I can be. Next is work because I work for the NHS. Anyone else gets what’s left and some will get nothing further from me unless absolutely essential. It’s hard breaking the habit of a life time but I am determined to look after myself and my energy better.

You matter too. Your needs matter too. It’s fine to put yourself first.