To teach in private sector for no time with my own kids or to get out and spend more time and energy on them?

[flowergirl24]

Please help as I’m at a crossroads.

I’m due to start a new teaching job in the private sector next week. One of the main reasons for choosing this job is I will get a discount and will be able to send my own DC in a few years’ time. We can afford this (even with VAT and yearly increases).

However, it feels like it comes at a huge cost, as it were. I’ll be working 50-60 hours a week in a stressful role, while looking after 3 young children (two primary aged, one pre-schooler)

Another option, though, is to sacrifice a decent salary and spend more time with them. I wouldn’t be able to give them a private education if I did this. We could not afford to send them without a discount. If I go PT, I wouldn’t afford it either as it is pro rata discount.

If I came out of teaching, I could do much more with them, like take them to museums and support their learning more, but they’d have to go to their local comp (which is absolutely terrible- I know as I’ve worked there!)

What on earth should I do?

I’ve got a smaller passive income which means we could still get by OK and I could still contribute to my pension.

So YABU - stay in private teaching and send DC there too.
YANBU - spend more time with them but send to local comp

I'd do neither of these things - I would try to move into the catchment of a state school I was happy enough to send them to. Is that not an option?

Send them to a local comp and work less. If you’re able to teach they will benefit more from you being hands on with their education at home than they would from private with no home support.

Private education isn’t everything. Speaking as a privately educated person who switched out of my own choice to a state secondary. I was 1000 times happier there, and very well educated.

Where is there father in all of this? Why can't you take them to museums at weekends and during the very long private school holidays?

FWIW I don't think you'd work fewer hours at a state school

Over the next year, I would be concerned about job security too. What happens in a few years when you burn out, and can't continue but your kids aren't finished at school? This is a really long commitment to one school.

My friend doesn't, she's marking until the wee small hours in the state sector.

I'm surprised you applied now when it will be a long time before your children are old enough for private education.

You have listed only two options.

There will be others.

Is there another adult involved in their lives?
Could you move for a better state alternative?

I think it might come to that. It will be very hard to convince my DH, though.

@OrwellianTimes thanks for reply. I value your response, but when did you last attend that state school?

I think a lot of ppl would be really shocked at how some of them have deteriorated. In our local comp, there is far too much disruption going on.

I was a teacher,

The hours got me in the end. Equally having worked in a variety of schools there were some I wouldn't send a dog to.

You need to generate alternatives. Sounds like persuading your dh is your main problem.

You are right. I can and do currently all of those things.

I was trying to say that if I shifted my work pattern, I would be able to help my own DC so much more with the daily stuff- take them to more clubs in the evening, help them more with homework. At the moment I’m glued to my desk in the evenings.

Nope- not what I’m saying.

The post is whether I stay teaching in private just so my own children can attend private, or whether I come out of teaching, take a less well paid job and have more time for them. Sorry if my original post was confusing: I’ve worked in both state and private and I know how it is.

I’d prioritise your presence over a private education. As I’m sure you know, having taught in both, private or state can both give a great education. My first child had an awful time at school and the drives to and from school/clubs etc were when she opened up to me. The single best thing you can do is be there for them.

I think the end of August isn’t the best time to make this decision. Can you commit to a school year and see how you feel then? How you feel about the school from having worked there should be the major deciding factor. You can’t judge its value to your family from the outside.

We can't afford private (even cutting out takeaways and sky TV 😉 ) but we can afford to live in an area with decent schools and pay for tutoring as necessary.

Most recently for the youngest who was struggling in infant school - just an hour a week with a lovely ex teacher helped her along - together with our time. I could earn considerably more but for a few more years I am prioritising time and my presence.

I think time is better than private school personally. I say this as an ex private school student.

My clinical psychologist mother says adults are largely shaped by their childhood. If you can spend more time with your children prior to age 13/14 take it. You can always get private tutor when you feel they need it.
Children who go through the state system are more independent learners too.