Please give me advice for managing work related stress

[Litlgreyrabbit]

I’m not stressed to the point I need time off, but work is a constant source of stress / disquiet in the back of my mind.

I am in a well paid professional role. It involves dealing with difficult people and situations on an ongoing basis and realistically there is always a lot on my to-do list and problems of varying kinds that I need to be sorting or helping people with.

There is never, ever a moment where I can finish the working day with nothing left to do and everyone happy.

This weighs on my mind, not always consciously, but I just have this continuous nagging sensation that things are ‘not okay’.

I’m sure many people find themselves in similar roles - how do you manage? I really need some tips as I am 4 years into this job now and thought managing the stress wold get easier with experience, but it hasn’t really happened that way.

You just have to learn to leave it at the end of the day. My job is the same, and it does play on my mind, but essentially you do just have to try to learn to switch off. Write a to do list at the end of each day so you're ready for the next day and you've written down all your concerns so they are out of your head.

Going for a long walk or a swim at the end of the day helps. Having an active social life so you've got clear delineation.

If necessary, have some counselling or job coaching. Also, tell your boss so they can give you tips specific to your role.

No suggestions but I feel the same. Most days are dealing with difficult people in difficult circumstances. Every time I've addressed people's problems and think I'm done they come back with more, it's so draining. Add into this a couple of completely work shy colleagues who do very little and it becomes a constant source of irritation on a daily basis. Also a manager who cannot manage anything and won't address colleagues laziness. I 'm sick of trying to do my absolute best for people whilst others shirk and never get pulled up on it. i work with a bunch of complete pisstakers. I would look for another job but just trying to hang on a few more years until I can semi- retire.

Are you paid enough to compensate for this?
What would take you over to taking time off?

Coming up to retirement and I've never had an empty in tray by the end of the day. It's all about juggling priorities, and some tasks get put to the bottom of the pile and may never be done.

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There is never, ever a moment where I can finish the working day with nothing left to do and everyone happy.

Such is the way of life. If you had nothing left to do at the end of the day then you'd be worrying about where the next client was coming from!

Lots of good advice here
One thing I do is try and think of a few things I have achieved in the course of the day
The other thing is to drink a tad too much wine but that’s probably best avoided
😀

It sounds like you aren’t a good fit for the type of role you have.

Most professional roles will be like you have described. If you’re a worrier, it will be hard to manage. I mean, we could all advise that you detach from clients and worry less about work outside of working hours but I am guessing that’s obvious 😀

Getting older helps, as you tend to give fewer fucks.

I used to be like you for a long time, and then I was self-employed for a while. It suddenly dawned on me that I was only getting paid for the hours I was actually working and could invoice my clients for, and I was not getting paid for thinking about their business in my own time. I eventually managed to train myself to switch off and stop thinking about work when I wasn't actually doing the job.

So basically, that's what you have to do. Every time you feel like you are thinking about it or even feeling stressed out in the background because of it, give yourself a good talking to and tell yourself to stop it immediately!

When I was a teacher I used to love shutting my laptop and chucking it (not chucking) in a filing cabinet drawer and slamming it shut at 4pm, f*k it I will do it early in morning (used to get in crazy early and leave asap).

Thanks. What you say about social life really rings true, and it’s difficult for me because I live in a rural community where I am always constantly bumping into people who I have come into contact with at work (I’m public sector - imagine teacher, social worker, police, the kind of role that mixes with the public a lot) and so as a result I find myself avoiding stuff - e.g. gym classes or volunteering groups, because I don’t want to run into them.

Perhaps I need to look at moving away, long term.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation, it’s so crap when your colleagues are not team players.

Yes I think I am fairly paid, It’s just the nature of the job, but I’m finding it hard. And as a PP has helped me reflect, the fact that I live in the community I work with doesn’t really help matters.

Thanks, I have trained sooo long and made so many sacrifices for this career, I simple can’t drop it! So here’s to getting older and trying to give fewer fucks I guess! 🍷

Thank you, I am really going to try! I think I need more distractions / more going on in my life…

Are you someone who can visualise situations?

When I needed to leave work behind I would open the car windows and literally blow work away for the day. Equally I’d imagine wrapping it up in a parcel and posting it away.

PP makes a very good point about not being paid to think about work after hours. You have to really make an effort to notice your thoughts and redirect them.

I have actually been thinking about trying to get to work super early, hoping that getting a head start on the day will help me feel better. I’m naturally night owl though unfortunately and getting up much before 7 is very difficult for me, especially when it starts getting dark early. Nevertheless, I am going to try, because unless I do something, nothing is going to change.

Your job sounds like mine. I find that taking a walk at lunchtime helps get a bit if perspective and fresh air and drinking lots of water helps. I also do log on on sunday night just so I k ow what I've facing the next day
It's not ideal but that works for me.
I've got another friend who swears by early morning yoga.

I actually have a fantastic visual imagination, so will definitely try this, thank you!

Ignore the typos!!

Thank you. You’re right, I do need more fresh air, I am far too sedentary and I think I get wrapped up in my head.

I sometimes put my problems on clouds and watch them float away in the sky. In my head of course.

This just appeared in my emails Being stressed at work has a huge impact on heart health (stylist.co.uk)

Lots of people find it hard to manage, including me.

The key thing is - if you are in any kind of senior role you will never finish your do list. So dump that.

What helps -

Have clear boundaries about turning off your phone, times to finish work and time off at the weekends/holidays. You may be able to avoid any work out of hours - or you may not, but set limitations around it.

Do things that you enjoy and give you perspective - seeing friends, hobbies - sometimes you won’t feel like it but it’s vital for perspective and a balanced life

sleep properly, exercise, eat well

get some older mentors in your industry to help with perspective and advice.

If it gets out of hand, see someone sooner rather than later - CBT is very good for this

I second the advice to write a to do list at the end of the day. Find a list format that works for you. Mine has most important, medium, quick and personal tasks on it.

Take a lunch break.

Do a meditation in your lunch break. Even 2 - 5 mins makes a huge difference. I use Boho Beautiful on YouTube. It’s free and really good.

This might be too simplistic but can you allocate your tasks to the following day / week where needed? I never have everything finished but I feel comfortable because I have a plan to do the task on x date (marked in my calendar) and I’m happy with that. Even if that gets pushed back as other things take priority, that’s also fine, I just move it forward.