To worry about mum's forgetfulness?

[VioletW]

She is early 60s and seems healthy to all intents and purposes. However her mother has dementia and she cares for her.

Last weekend we had lunch and on two occasions she referred to my current partner 'Paul' as my previous partner 'Adam'. Adam cheated on me and the relationship ending was horrible so we never talked about him

Anyway twice she said 'So how is Adam?' or 'How was Adam's trip?'. About an hour apart. She apologised first time then said it again.

Then later she forgot her phone while we were out.

In the past she has suffered from anxiety which I know causes this kind of fog as well. But in a bit worried and I don't live very near her to see on a more ongoing basis.

It could just be a natural decline in memory as she gets older but my auntie is early 60s and has been diagnosed with FTD dementia sadly and this is how things started with her. Is this a new thing that you have noticed? It could be very early signs of dementia. Could she be seen for an assessment at the memory clinic?

@Nickky this is the first time I've noticed it.

What else can I look out for?

I don't think she would be willing to go to a clinic after one instance of forgetting names. But maybe if more happens I can then broach it.

God I really hope not. My mum is having such a hard time with my gran as it is ☹️

What else can I look out for?

My parent developed early onset Alzheimer’s (not just a MN armchair diagnosis sadly), but it’s rarer and presents slightly differently (the doctors thought they were having a severe mental breakdown initially). The things we noticed in hindsight were less memory loss and more just repeating things/becoming obsessed with certain parts of the past. They began hoarding, but had never been particularly tidy or organised. Developed insomnia and nighttime paralysis (would sit in a chair all night, just holding a cigarette which was scary). Forgot how to drive with due care and attention. These started to develop over a 5 year period or so, wasn’t hugely noticeable until eventually couldn’t take care of themselves (or my siblings who were school aged).

On the other hand, this could be perfectly normal.

• 'm older than your mum and my peers and I often laugh over forgetting words/names (plants, acquaintances, people we don't think about very often). Our brains do shrink as we age so some cognitive decline is inevitable, and menopause contributes to brain fog too.
• she is probably knackered and flustered and stressed with being her mum's carer. And her day to day conversations with her mum will be on a very different level to yours.

Please don't fall into the Mumsnet trap of thinking anyone over 50 having a brain fart has dementia. Obviously keep a watchful eye, but forgetting someone's name a couple of times is no cause for panic and I can't believe it's anything like enough to score a very precious assessment at a memory clinic.

If your mum is a carer for your gran that’s probably the main reason she’s a bit distracted. Is there no other help available?

I think FTD what my auntie has been diagnosed with is slightly different to Alzheimer's. Personality changes tend to appear first with FTD and then the memory loss becomes apparent after. She can become irritable and can lose her temper easily, sadly her personality has changed a lot over time. She has a lot of compulsive and repetitive behaviours and things that she will talk about. She is very restless. She was in denial at first. She is now at the stage of forgetting what she has done and who has visited her, she won't eat or bathe unless prompted or helped. She now has carers come to visit a few times a day and we visit regularly too.

It must be worrying especially as she cares for her mum who has dementia. Memory assessment definitely something to look into if you notice anything else but hopefully this is just down to stress/anxiety x

My auntie also is obsessed with certain parts of her past and sadly is fixated on the bad parts, and seems to think they are still happening. She is tormented by it. It's really sad to see

Could definitely just be normal as @olderbutwiser has said, that's why I said mentioned it could just be a natural decline in memory and also if she has lot's on caring for her DM.

Just keep an eye on things @VioletW x

Maybe looking after her DM is too much for her. Have you spoken to her about it ?

I’m so sorry you are worried about your Mum. My MIL was formally diagnosed at about 64 but in hindsight was ill earlier than that we all missed the signs in the previous 10 years because she was so young. Here are some of the symptoms she had we dismissed

Forgetfulness - names, cards addressed to the wrong people, birthdays forgotten. Passwords to online stuff forgotten and forgot how to use apps.

Brain fog and depression. Wanting to sleep all the time.

Boundaries - started letting herself into our house and helping herself to everything. Pretty sure she was stealing things too during this period.

Personality change, she went from being a kind woman into moaning about everything and everyone. All polite filter went.

Inappropriate Stories - stories about old boyfriends and male neighbours during Sunday dinner with husband of 50 years and whole family (awkward!)

Hearing noises the neighbours were ‘making’ or doing - there was no noise or bad behaviour it was all in her head.

Falling for Scams - believed 100% because of junk email she had, that she had won the Spanish Lottery despite not entering, and having never been to Spain. She was desperate to send them 10k to get her ‘winnings’.

My Mum is mid 70s and I’m now starting to see some of these in her now and it’s so scary. I think we have a few years but I’ve started to prepare for it.

Do any of us get names right after the menopause? I'm impressed. I often point in the direction of my GC and call "youse lot", or you there, with the stitch top etc. It could be usual. If you aren't seeing her often, she'll seem 'older' each time. Or it could be stress, lack of vitamins etc. Talk to her about if she's looking after herself, finding something to enjoy, keeping an eye on nutrition etc.