To leave DC at home alone all day

[StrawberrySwitch]

DC is a sensible 12 year old - four months off 13. DH is working away and will be uncontactable. I am self employed and could book in appointments and could do with it - it’s list earnings. I think it’s fine for me to leave him home alone all day - I will be five min drive away. DH disagrees. He says it’s too long and what if an emergency happens. We live out in the sticks but he could walk to where I work if he needed to.

So AIBU to leave him home all day - 10 til 6pm.

My son of the same age would also be fine, but I think he wouldn’t like it towards the end. Could you pop back in the middle of the day? Cut it short to 10-4?

I don’t see any issue, if your so close could you nip home and have dinner together?

If your DH is not happy about it, tell him oh well you will have to cancel your work trip then. Sorry but my job involves stepping outside the front door too!

If the kid is sensible, has access to a phone and an emergency number (neighbour, grandparent, trusted adult), it’s ok. Although maybe if he had a friend to hang out with it would be better. How does he feel about it?

I would do it if my child was ok with it. There are so many ways to keep in touch these days and, as you say, you're only a 5 minute drive away. My eldest would barely have noticed I was gone at that age. His brother, on the other hand, wouldn't like it at all. That's why, for me, it very much depends on the child.

At that age, as long as your son is comfortable with it, it should be fine.
I often stayed home at that age.
My son is almost 11 now and although not ready to be left that long, I more than happy for say half an hour while I nip to the shop. We also live rurally and have good neighbours (even if there are only a couple!).

Make sure he has a phone available and knows to keep the door locked and not answer it.

Discuss kitchen rules e.g. you can use the toaster/microwave but not the oven (or whatever is acceptable to you).

Make sure he knows what to do in the unlikely event of emergency.

He will be fine.

It wouldn't be an issue for me if DC was usually sensible and I was able to check in by phone or text during the day or pop back for lunch if I was only a few minutes away between appointments. Agree that if DH doesn't like it he can arrange alternative childcare.

Given it sounds like it is absolutely a choice over when the appointments could be, could you either put in a long lunch break, and come home, or stop around 4pm?

OK, it was 7.30-4.30 but DS was left for inset days from aged 11 when DH was away with work (I was contactable). So if your child is happy with the arrangement, go for it - with or without the modifications above.

Ots fine but not every day like 5 days a week. That's a lot.

You know him best, some young teens are responsible... others would try to cook noodles and forget about it.

I used to spend overnights alone from about 13 (24hrs) and was fine.

Thank you all. He is very sensible. He cooks regularly and knows to set alarms if he’s leaving the stove. He’s fine with it. Most likely will be gaming with his friends. I could give him neighbours number in case he can’t get hold of me. I’ll pop back midday too.

Depends very much on the child.

It's a long time to be home alone, especially if they haven't experienced it before. Could you break the day up a bit? Maybe come home for a mid-afternoon cup of tea?

My youngest is the same age - a couple of months off 13.

Would certainly leave him all day with his 15 yr old sister also at home.

If needs must I would also leave him alone - he'd just be gaming all day and is sensible.

However he would get lonely so we would check in with him quite a bit.

My parents are also in the next village so if I did leave him alone I would see if they could be "around" in case needed.

If you're only 5 mins away I think it's fine.

DS stayed alone all day occasionally aged 11, and was fine.

If your DH doesn’t like it, suggests he takes AL.

At that age I was home from school until 1am some nights with my younger sibling whilst my (single parent) mum was at work.

As a one off he would be fine. But if it was going to a regular thing I suspect he would get bored and lonely.

Depends on the kid, but I'd prefer not to leave mine all day at 12. They'd be fine but that's a long day not to see another person. I'd worry more about loneliness than safety.
Is it just one day?

Thanks all. He will be chatting and playing with friends online most of the day, so I doubt he will get lonely but I’ll come home midday (I predict he’ll say hi and then pretty much continue as above 😂). He has loads of friends so there is usually someone on chat with him whilst playing. The only thing is he will be on screens all day but he’s had loads of time away from screens over the hols. Weeks at a time - so I’m not too worried about that.

What period of time is this for?
Just the rest of school hols?

My own issue with leaving my son alone all day is that it's not just the odd day here and there, it's weeks and weeks and weeks (all his school holidays minus my annual leave). This doesn't seem an issue for you. Out of interest what did you do with him for the rest of the summer hols?

People say "oh a day of gaming won't do them any harm", but I've had years and years of being a lone parent and it's really not what I want for him.

I think this is fine. Babysitting age where I grew up was 14, but there were definitely some kids employed as babysitters at 13, and expected to be fully responsible for younger children.

So 12, nearly 13 to be just responsible for themselves and able to contact you is obviously fine.

DH can cancel his work trip if he thinks your DC needs looking after

Can he invite a friend over for company? Even if all they do is gaming with other friends, at least he won't be on his own all day.

I would say at that age he's fine to he left as long as a parent, or another responsible adult, is contactable at all times. Does he have a phone/access to a landline and are you able to keep your phone on your at work?

I'm a teacher and it is very usual for children of this age to stay at home while parents work, and it sounds as if you will be nearby and have set lots of ground rules.

I disagree with telling him to invite a friend round - it always sounds to me like the stupid shit happens when they get together. If your lad is sensible and can amuse himself, then I think that's preferable (unless it's all day, every day, and then it might be kinder to allow it).

My son is 11 and as long as he had his phone and access to lunch would be ok (would probably game all day).

That said it doesn’t sit entirely right with me and I’d try and arrange for him to go to see a friend. I’d do it if not possible tho.

My son is similar age and would not want to be alone for that long. So we would not.
However ask your son. And consider whether you could come home for lunch and clock off at 4pm for cinema date?

We try to arrange play dates on long days like that and he now takes the train to some of those. Works well for us.