I searched online about whether U3A was unfriendly and found this thread, and I wanted to share my experience—not to complain, but because I think it’s important to talk about access and inclusion.
I emailed asking if my mum and me could join U3A here in central Scotland, explaining that she has Alzheimer’s but is very active and that I’m her carer. I'm just about entry age for U3A anyway and have a lot to offer. We didn’t get a reply, so we joined online anyway—I was thinking afterwards why should I have to justify her participation when all the recommendations for dementia are to stay active and engaged?
After a while, I received an email from the membership secretary apologising for the delay—there had been family issues. No problem with that. I was sympathetic.
But in this "welcome" email, I was warned not to leave Mum unattended and told that no one would take responsibility for her. I had never asked anyone to. It felt unnecessary and unwelcoming. Welcome - on condition. Ironically, carers should probably get free access to these events, but I paid without question to avoid any issues.
In the meantime, I had also reached out politely to multiple group leaders. You can't just turn up. While half of them replied and accepted us, the other half didn’t even acknowledge my emails, calls, or messages.
I was left wondering, had word spread among the leaders that someone with Alzheimer's & a carer wanted to join. Had an email even been sent out to them telling them they were under no obligation to take us? Were we being quietly frozen out? I couldn't find another reason for so many people, at least 6, not to reply.
Whatever the reason the lack of basic courtesy was shocking. A simple “sorry the group is full” would have been far better than silence.
I’m left feeling demoralised and put off from applying to more groups. And I can't say that I could, nor have I been wholeheartedly recommending U3A to people. I would say that if you can get past the gatekeepers, there are potentially a lot of activities you could join for a very cheap annual membership. But our experience is that it seems to be as much about keeping people out as it is welcoming people in.
Dementia is now the biggest killer in the UK. Nearly everyone knows someone affected by it, whether personally, through family, or friends. U3A is supposed to be about lifelong learning. If anything, it should be at the forefront of inclusion, ensuring that people with dementia (and their carers) can stay engaged for as long as possible.
I am left wondering what U3A’s position is on this? And what steps are they taking to ensure their groups don’t just cater to the privileged and cognitively able, but also to those who need support to keep participating
in life?