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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel lonely

4 replies

Everchanging24 · 20/08/2024 23:40

Ive got a chronic health condition neurological I get good and bad days. To look at me I look the picture of health late 30’s ok looking etc but I get really bad days and can’t leave the house sometimes.
I used to have quite a few friends and went out a lot I’ve got kids now and can’t plus my health holds me back. I tend to go out last minute when I feel ok that day so planning stuff is hard for me and I’ve had to cancel due to my health.
I’ve got three friends and two wks ago I spoke to one of them on the Thursday and on the Friday I saw them on a plane on socials she didn’t even tell me she was going away and I thought we were close. I thought it was odd not to say anything to me the day before so we could have spoke about her holiday etc.
Anyway I liked the posts but was miffed she didn’t say she was going away and I checked our msgs and the last three times I had initiated so I left it this time and she’s been back over a week now and no contact.
I’m not really usually this petty but for some reason I’ve been dead upset about it.
My other friend I rarely see as she lives quite far but she does always call me and my other friend has health issues too and doesn’t drive so I have ti visit her which I can’t always do.
I feel like I have no one to talk to I spoke to holiday friend the most but now I’m even wondering if she sees me as a close friend.

I wish I wasn’t unwell all the time and could meet new people but I can’t sustain friendships as I never know how I will be to meet up. It’s just me and the kids all the time just us and my DH but he works a lot. I just feel so lonely I had a good job until 2021 when I got ill and I miss other people and adult conversation.
I can’t work anymore and get disability for my illness it’s not life limiting but life altering but I look fine so I don’t think people see how bad I am.
I don’t know where I’m going with this but I’m so sad all the time my life’s so boring I’ve got no job no mates nothing.

I’ve considered voluntary work but don’t even know where to start and if I could do it without committing to set days and times. Can anyone relate ?

OP posts:
Patty78 · 20/08/2024 23:52

Sorry you'te feeling so low. Volunteering or a hobby might help. Don't worry about being the first to text. Your friend just might be very busy or forgetful. Keep in touch with her.

Catza · 21/08/2024 08:08

I work with people with chronic and remitting/relapsing conditions and your situation is very familiar. I think volunteering is a good option and, in most places, people don't need you to commit to certain shifts and patterns. One of my clients even volunteers remotely for a peer support line. Another goes to a local community gardening project a couple of times a month to help with weeding for an hour. It can be a wonderful and very flexible way to meet people and feel useful.
I would also ask your GP for a referral to a social prescriber. And google if there is a green prescribing directory in your local area. Green prescribing secured quite a large grant from the government to invest in local nature and arts projects and there may be a fair bit happening in your local area.
Also see if there are local peer support groups. They can be hit and miss. Some of my clients have to go through a few to find the one which isn't, as they call it, a "moan fest". But many will have monthly tea and coffee meet ups which are a bit more positive and social. And you get to spend time with people who understand the ins and outs of your condition and are more accommodating.

Original poster
Everchanging24 · 21/08/2024 08:16

Catza · 21/08/2024 08:08

I work with people with chronic and remitting/relapsing conditions and your situation is very familiar. I think volunteering is a good option and, in most places, people don't need you to commit to certain shifts and patterns. One of my clients even volunteers remotely for a peer support line. Another goes to a local community gardening project a couple of times a month to help with weeding for an hour. It can be a wonderful and very flexible way to meet people and feel useful.
I would also ask your GP for a referral to a social prescriber. And google if there is a green prescribing directory in your local area. Green prescribing secured quite a large grant from the government to invest in local nature and arts projects and there may be a fair bit happening in your local area.
Also see if there are local peer support groups. They can be hit and miss. Some of my clients have to go through a few to find the one which isn't, as they call it, a "moan fest". But many will have monthly tea and coffee meet ups which are a bit more positive and social. And you get to spend time with people who understand the ins and outs of your condition and are more accommodating.

Thanks so much for this reply I’ve never heard of any of these things and getting out with people would help me a lot as I feel so isolated and I probably put pressure on friends more than I should due to this.
I will look into those suggestions as I’m good days I can do most things.
I really appreciate your reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
Everchanging24 · 21/08/2024 08:17

Patty78 · 20/08/2024 23:52

Sorry you'te feeling so low. Volunteering or a hobby might help. Don't worry about being the first to text. Your friend just might be very busy or forgetful. Keep in touch with her.

Thanks so much

OP posts:
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