Person whose birthday it is should not pay for meal

[HettyMeg]

Organising birthday family meal for my mum, she requested location of meal. It's a set price party menu.

She wants to pay for the whole thing! It will be over £400. I think everyone should pay their own way and me and DH will pay for my mum's meal too.

Aibu?

I pay if I invite or organise a meal out.

I'd also be fine with paying for my own meal and for the birthday boy or girl also.

Leave your mum to do as she wishes, she's all grown up and you should respect her choice.

Why don't you organise a really lovely cake to bring which can be a surprise so she doesn't end up covering dessert for everyone?

I had 2 60th birthday parties, 1 family one abroad, which I paid for catering, my brother, and sis in law paid for booze and cake ( 18 in all).
My second party was with close friends and neighbours, at the pub, I offered and did pay for their food, up to £25 (in 2022), cake was a gift and drinks they paid for, 16 in all.

i didn’t want to make my friends think about if they could afford to come, my house is too small to invite them here.
Everyone said how they enjoyed themselves tho

family birthdays are difficult to navigate, perhaps mum wants to pay because she knows some attending don't have as much as others and wants to treat people and make it fair?

You clearly don't know my lovely mum.

It's about what the person whose birthday it is wants not other people who insist it is their way

I don't understand why this is an issue, op, unless your mum is being pressured or can't afford it. People celebrate birthdays and pay for things in very different ways, there's no 'standard' or 'usual' in this scenario. In my family, we pay for our own. In dh's family, his dad normally pays for everyone.

Gosh I don't think your Mum should pay for herself never mind anyone else on her birthday .

Traditionally, the person who invites pays. It's up to your mum and your family whether they want to be traditional or not.

It's the norm for everyone to assume they're paying their own, or splitting the bill in my family.
To offer to treat everyone on your birthday is very generous. But it could be that there's a few guests who might struggle to easily afford it, and she wants to guarantee they'll come along.
Tell her you don't think it's necessary but if she insists then just make a fuss over her and maybe order and pay for some champagne/ nice wine for the table? Or offer to cover the tip, or both.
I'm sure it will be lovely. If she can afford it then I'd just enjoy it.

I think it depends on the groups you mix with.

Us, middle aged, financially comfortable, general rule is if you invite, you pay (for a birthday/anniversary/celebratory meal), but if it's just a Saturday night meal out then the bill is generally split. For student DCs, they'd each pay for themselves regardless of the occasion as neither they nor their friends would be in a financial position to pay for everyone.