Hi there, this is my first post so forgive me if I don't know the lingo etc and apologies for the long post.
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We have two children aged 18 and 14. Lately, actually more than lately, probably for the last 6-7 years, I've been incredibly miserable. I've tried so hard to be happy but it's draining the life out of me and I'm seriously considering leaving my husband. He's not a bad man, has never cheated, doesn't have a temper or anything like that, he works, does his fair share of cleaning the house etc but he has never been the best Dad. Don't get me wrong I know there are Dads out there that don't have ANYHING to do with their children, I'm one of those kids, but it's hard because although he has always been in their lives physically, I feel like he doesn't know his own kids. He has NEVER taken either of our kids to an appointment for anything, never taken them anywhere by himself and if I asked him to he'd refuse to, not in a nasty way but he'd just get out of it somehow. Obviously our kids are older now so there are less appointments but this is something thats been building for years. Our daughter doesn't have conversations with him, she has chit chat with him but not proper conversations because she says he doesn't listen to her. He doesn't listen to anyone tbh. He lives in his own little world where it seems to us he only thinks about what is important to him (his car, his diet/exercise). He becomes easily distracted, if I'm trying to talk to him he will just change the conversation, so I find myself not wanting to start conversations. He doesn't look at people when they're talking to him either. I feel sorry for our dc when they're trying to talk to him and he doesn't respond. I have to point out to him that they're talking to him, even then he'll just give them a one word answer, no follow up questions etc. He does have some OCD issues, I know he's struggled over the years that we've known each other and I've really tried to be patient and help but sometimes I feel like he belittles me. For example, our teenage son has been suffering with acne lately so I did some research and ordered him some cream to help clear it up, I told my husband I was going to do this and he was happy for me to order whichever one I thought was best according to the research I did. The cream came, our son used it for 2 months and it made his skin worse. Only then did my husband get involved and start to dig up information on this particular brand of skin care, telling me that 'he knew' this one wouldn't work and I shouldn't have ordered it! He didn't help try to find a better one or offer any help at all, just made me feel even worse about the whole situation. This is just one example, over the years I've dealt with thousands of these situations. Including when he was messaging me different car adverts, asking me to call them to arrange a viewings/test drives whilst I was still in hospital the day after giving birth to our son.
My life has been this way for so long now, I don't know if this is how it's supposed be. Is this a normal life or AIBU to even consider wanting something better/happier for me and our children?