To have done this?

[Shirl9]

So, my partner and I have been in a rocky relationship for a while now. We have 2 children together and ever since they were born he carried on his life as normal and I made all the changes/sacrifices. For the past year or so he has been regularly going out with a woman from work, he even went to a festival with her for 4 days (not just her there were other people there too). I just don’t understand why he would want to do this sort of thing and over time I have become so lonely and sad. I was out with the girls a few months ago and a guy shown me so much attention and for some reason I messaged him and said hi, nothing else, I do agree that I am thinking of other men which is why I know my relationship is over but he is making me feel deeply guilty as apparently I have cheated on him. I was open and honest and told him exactly why I did what I did and didn’t lie.

It's going to get messy.

In the long term it will be better to end your relationship and then think about how you feel.

I don't think you have anything major to feel guilty about, it's clear your partner's behaviour hasn't been great. But I think it's ill-advised.

We had a trial separation a few months ago as I had just had enough. At that point he told me he fancied this girl and he had been messaging her. He said he only said this to make me jealous and get me back but it still really hurt and I have been distancing myself even more since then. When he first told me I was so upset and did everything to get him back, however I realise that I have got to a point where I am not bothered anymore

I realise that I was so much happier on my own as I was so lonely anyway. He works really late and does whatever he likes in the evenings/weekends so I felt I had I had a bit more control as to when I was going to get time for myself.

She posted a picture on social media with his coat on her lap and although it seems petty, it just made me think I was right.

Spend your time getting ready to leave him. Copy all statements and bank details etc and strengthen your position as much as possible. Don’t get involved with anyone until you have split properly.

I am really not ready to be involved with somebody else. I just liked the attention as I have felt so lonely for so long, as soon as I messaged him I realised I just wanted him to compliment me and nothing further so I haven’t messaged since. My confidence is on the floor at the minute.

You both just need to end this, it’s miserable

Step away from social media

Step away from him and do not do the pick me dance. Why would you want him to pick you anyway, he's already shown what sort of man he is and you shouldn't want him.

The relationship is over, you aren't the right people for each other as otherwise you wouldn't being this situation.

Start getting any important paperwork together.

Look into alternate living arrangements whether that's back with family or something else.

Look into childcare and get back to work or up your hours, you'll likely be supported by UC a bit but the aim should be as much financial independence as possible.

You marriage isn't going to last without any changes. You need to sit down together and work out a plan going forward. Both of you should list the things that they would like to change. You may need a talking stick so you just don't end up shouting over each other.

Your partner is in a relationship with another woman.
You should make plans to seperate from him.
You will be much happier without him. It will do wonders for your self esteem.

I think working on my self esteem is a really good idea and I shouldn’t need to seek validation from other men, this should come from myself and without being constantly knocked down it can only improve

Totally agree with this OP.

Why are you putting up with this?

Good question. The kids I suppose, after he found out about the message he then went out until 4am!?. He is so unreliable he went to a work thing on Sunday and dropped the kids off at SIL house. He told her he would be back by 7ish (I was at work) it got to 8 o clock and he still wasn’t home so she had to bring them home, 11pm he strolled in and apparently was having a chat with somebody and couldn’t just walk away 🙄

Our relationship was great until we had kids. My priorities changed. He left me when our first child was 6 weeks old as he told me he didn’t love her, it was awful. He just wants to carry on as a single man as he cannot deal with the responsibility, it’s pathetic

He’s not the family type. It’s a shame he didn’t realise this before you had children. But he’s not going to change and he’s too weak to do anything about it.

He fancies a woman at work, you’re texting randoms. Your relationship has been on and off for years and he’s bringing you down. I think it may be that you’ve run your course.

It’s really shit because I don’t just get to decide I am not the family type now? It doesn’t take away my responsibilities even though I adore being a mum. It’s just not fair

I feel so trapped at the minute because he just comes and goes when he pleases and he can’t see what he is doing wrong. I have had to sort work out for the summer holidays as he couldn’t get time off and everything just falls on me. Sorry to moan but I am so fed up

How much did he want to have kids before you got pregnant? And before they were born?

The vast majority of men either don't want kids at all, or wish their kids could be birthed around age 7-8 when they can communicate and do things together.

From your replies you are done. He walked out on you when your baby was 6 weeks old and said he didn’t love her, he didn’t collect the kids from SIL when he said he would, he’s going away with this ‘work colleague’…please just get your ducks in a row and leave.

Priorities change when you become a parent and it seems he never got the memo