Teen

[Rosa8115]

So my son has been promised money for doing his GCSEs. My DH did the same with his other children and with my older child. the others bought a laptop with the money for 6th form. Son said to DH in a fit of love a few weeks ago that with some of his money he’d like to treat his dad to lunch. DH was delighted. Since then some minor incident has happened ( my son’s picket money was dropped down as he is working and my DH forgot to tell him ) and my son said he is no longer taking his dad for lunch so he learns a lesson. He said if he’s been bad his dad would have taken a computer or phone away and he’s just going the same.
AIBU that I think it’s a really shitty spoilt thing to do. My DH is going to be devestated. I feel like he’d be within his rights to say if you are acting so spoilt you don’t need any more. My son has a job also so it’s not like he’s not got any money.
or am I being unreasonable and it’s a separate issue.

If your son made plans based on expected money, and that expected money has now changed but someone forgot to tell him...how can his plans have been based on accurate finances?

Your son is acting out as he has been penalised for getting a job without discussion. He isn't being spoilt he is hurt. And has taken the one thing away from you DH that is his only way of bartering. How much has his pocket money dropped from? Is it worth him working or would he have more if he just had the pocket money?

Sit down and have a conversation with him. Punishing him by taking away more things because you've had a communication break down isn't going to do your relationship any good going forward.

Keep in mind that reasoning and logic doesn't fully develop until 25 or so, so whilst he might look like a man he is not one.

Ok I know it's not funny, but the absolute brass neck on him giving his dad consequences for his actions is almost admirable. He's a cheeky so and so of course but still. You can't say the logic isn't sound.

Has dad apologised for not telling him about the pocket money cut? Had a proper chat with him to explain why the pocket money is being reduced, go over the financials together so he really understands and doesn't just think dad is cutting him off for funsies?

I don't actually think he's unreasonable or spoilt for being put out at that happening without any communication. He's still learning how to be an adult, in his mind his "income" has been cut with no explanation or warning and he's reacting in what he sees as a proportional way.

@Singleandproud oh that’s a really interesting point. It went from 10 to 5 a week. So I guess he made plans. He has been earning money though working during the summer. So geya about 1000 at the end of the month.

Why are you penalising your son for working?
Should be encouraging him.

Especially if you're talking such small amounts - from 10 to 5 pounds a week pocket money. And forgetting to tell him? What message are you trying to get to send here?

No wonder he's pissed off.

I think you’re being a bit unfair. It’s not unreasonable to drop his pocket money now that he’s working but it required an explanation and conversation so he understood why. He’s lashing out because he’s hurt. You and your husbands are adults with fully development prefrontal cortexes; have a discussion with him about the pocket money, apologise for not having done so already, and see where you all end up.

So pocket money was upped to 10 while he didn’t have a job for summer but then he got one and so it was dropped back down. He knew this but forgot then DH forgot to remind him so one day he noticed ( a few weeks after it dropped so he’s not penniless )

And dad did apologise. He just forgot to remind him. I think from this I am over reacting.

If he's still got £1000 he's being a brat.

Why does Dad need to remind him? He was told about it.

Your son is being very unreasonable and not thinking about the bigger picture. Dad is unlikely to be generous to him again and I wouldn't blame him.