Anxious about a work decision

[FTM47]

Hello x
I’ve been having the worst anxiety, physical symptoms: can’t eat, feeling sick, being sick, upset stomach, dry mouth, knot in my stomach, crying. This has come about as I’ve been told I’m moving back to my old team at work.

Some background: I came back from mat leave a year ago and was put on a new team/role with more responsibilities, a hands off manager, really thrown into the deep end, high workload and little support.

I’m someone who has always struggled with change so this mixed with transitioning back to work, leaving my baby at nursery was a mental health nightmare and I’ve lost all confidence in myself. I’ve had acne for the first time ever and the dr reckons it’s due to stress.

I’ve been looking for a new job but I’ve persevered for a year for 3 main reasons: 1) my manager lets us WFH more than the company allows which is a massive perk and saves me money. 2) I knew I would want another baby so made sense to stay with the company for mat pay (we are trying).

Recently things felt a bit better, mainly because I was trying not worrying or care as much as nobody else did, my job is not saving life’s so was shocked to find out I was being moved back to my old team. The move is for their benefit as someone has left unexpectedly. Career wise this move is a huge step back for me especially after what I’ve had to do this year.

On the other hand, it’s probably going to be a much easier job. Less stress. Same pay. People I know and like. After the year I’ve had I feel like my mental health is in the floor.

If I was really against it I could speak up and fight to stay. But I don’t know what is the right decision. I feel my health needs to be a focus and I want my little one at home to be my priority but can’t help feel sad and a failure for not making this opportunity work. I’m embarrassed to go back.

Gosh not really expecting anyone to read this essay but just thought it might be good to get it out and if anyone offers some wisdom too would be a bonus.

Big hugs to you. If I've read this right, it sounds to me as though they see it as a win-win - you're being brought back because someone has left so they need your skills, and yes, they may have felt that it would be easier for you as God knows it's tough balancing babies and work at the best of times. Doesn't sound to me at ALL like a failure but none of us can be all the things all the time and I know what a confidence basher it could be, especially when you're already up to your eyes. Could you have a chat with anyone higher up and see if they can reassure you that it's not about failure on your part and more about finding solutions so that everyone's better off? Sorry if I'm no help but if I had young kids again and a chance for an easier work life on the same money, I'd take their hand off tbh! X

No real advice but it sounds like this move back is a good thing? Your current role is stressful and you were looking for a new job anyway, so this move back will mean less stress and no need to change jobs so you will still qualify for maternity pay if you have a second. There doesn't seem to be any suggestion that you were no good at your current role, they just need your skills elsewhere. I'd at least accept it for the short term, see how trying for a second child plays out and you can always keep an eye out for an alternative job if you want to move your career forward.

If you’d written this post as “should I stay in this team or move back to my old one” I’ve had told you to move back! Especially if you’re hoping to have a second baby. Much better to have a job that’s not as stressful and you like the people!

Is it the move or the forcing of the move that’s really the problem? It’s not nice when your employer just decides on a big change, but honestly this sounds like a good thing for you.

On the other hand, it’s probably going to be a much easier job. Less stress. Same pay. People I know and like. After the year I’ve had I feel like my mental health is in the floor.

OP, this is the only thing you need to focus on. It's an opportunity! Life and career can be circular and flexible to meet your needs at a given time. I've handed in my notice on a very well paid SLT job and am going to take some time to look after my mum, then find a new role where I've fewer line management responsibilities and a narrower focus. I'm proud of this decision. See you if you can reframe this as an opportunity to have the balance you crave x

Alternatively... If they need you in the old team, then what a great chance to negotiate, maybe?

Is there anything you want to do, any additional responsibilities you'd want to be part of the role etc that you could say - well this is you pushing me back a step, so in return I would like X as a development opportunity?

Overall less stress, but not completely backwards?

This might feel like a step back, career-wise, but I'd try and re-frame it as a positive for your family.
You're in a different phase of life right now. A small child and trying for another should be your priority, and no one would judge you for making it so. IMO, and how it was for me, a job was solely to pay the bills when I was in that era myself. Honestly, my career aspirations went out the window when I was in the trenches with a young/growing family. I did my job exactly as expected, but no more. No extra hours, left and started on the dot of the hour, and coasted along. Didn't give work a single solitary thought outside of my working hours.

If this job is easier, same money, with people you like, I'd take it as a massive win. There will be time in the future to be Mrs Career Gal, and it's totally okay if these few years aren't it.

I would consider theraphy for that symptoms and your reaction. People are unemployed for months because the job market is so bad. You have hardly any reason to complain.

It sounds to me as if you are very well thought of at work. You’ve done an excellent job in your new role and proved that you can be flexible and versatile. They need a safe pair of hands in the old team, someone they can rely on and can ‘hit the ground running’. I’d say it’s a huge vote of confidence in you!