Direct Cremation / Burial

[BlindMiceThree]

Just having a casual conversation with DH tonight about funerals. He told me when he goes, not to bother with a funeral, to just give him a direct cremation or burial, and DD and I to spend the money on a holiday.

I thought he was joking but he’s actually serious. He’s popular, so can’t be worries about no-one turning up.

AIBU to not know what to think?

Does he know you can arrange a direct cremation through the local crematorium ?
no need to use one of these companies that advertise on TV.

If this is what he wants done, then you do need to discuss what he wants done with his ashes ?

It's £545 down here.

but you do need to talk further as of course there is a difference between a burial and a cremation.

You can have attended and non attended direct cremations there's lots of things to look at.

Same for me too OP.
IMHO funerals are very expensive, traumatic and a waste of money - though, I respect everyone doesn't see it this way.
I told DH that those were my wishes but that, if I died first and he felt he wanted a glass coach and horses, roads closed and the Red Arrows to do a fly past then, if that's what would bring him comfort to just go ahead and do what he wanted.
I would not return to haunt him.
Sadly, for me, I haven't died first and DH got his direct cremation, as per his wishes, when he died 2 years ago.
😪

What is worrying you? That it's so unusual? I wouldn't want a formal funeral either, I find them weird, though my relatives can get together after I'm done for an informal gathering to toast me if they wish.

I have arranged a direct cremation for my dad. It’s happening on Thursday. I think it’s a good solution for us. I think they are becoming more popular. It’s cheaper and people can still do something with the ashes or whatever.

I feel the same as your DH.

My sister and I insisted on "the best of everything" for our mum who died in her 60s of cancer. We were traumatized and couldn't dream of giving her less.

Guess what, that £4,000 casket and £12,000 funeral didn't being her back to life. She would have been appalled and rather we spent the funds on a luxury holiday.

Put me in a bin bag and do something fun or useful with my money, is now my opinion.

Obviously it's something you need to have a decent conversation about it, but if that's what he wants then good on him for wanting you and DD to have a holiday to remember him by rather than spending a fortune on a funeral. You can still hold a gathering to talk about him and share memories.

Both my parents had a direct cremation, and that's what I want for me when my time comes.

I’m doing the same. No one likes funerals so I’m not having one

2 of my Grandparents had direct cremations.

My Grandad refused to have any kind of funeral service, and requested he be cremated and his ashes picked up and that’s all. We all respected his wishes, but it seemed so cold to us, and a couple of us have really struggled over the years with a feeling of a lack of closure, but we would of course not done anything differently as we wanted to respect his wishes. There wasn’t a wake either.

My Nan also wanted a direct cremation and had insisted upon not having a big funeral service with ‘hangers on’ as she called them, but wasn’t adverse to some kind of service with immediate family and close friends only. There were as a result, only 6 of us at my Nan’s beautiful funeral service - a simple affair at the crematorium, and myself and another family member gave a speech, and a friend gave a reading from the Bible, as they felt it the right thing to do, and we know my Nan would’ve been ok with it. We went and had a meal in my Nan’s favourite restaurant straight after the funeral, and my children also attended.

We continue to take comfort in the knowledge that we had satisfied the desires of the two exquisite people who had passed.

I paid for a direct cremation for myself a couple of years ago. When I die, dp or dd just have to pick up the phone and somebody will come along, pick up my body and organise for it to be burned.

They won't waste money on overpriced flowers, coffin or cars. They won't have to stress about having to write a eulogy or any of the other things that can cause worries when planning a funeral.

If they want to go out with a few family and friends and have a drink and raise a glass to me, they can. But they don't have to do anything at all if they don't want to.

Both my parents have requested this. They are really against funerals.

Our direct cremations are paid for. The most important thing is letting your partner and adult dcs know what you've planned. Mine are in full agreement.

I've requested this as well. Talk to your husband about what he wants, and think about your own wishes too. Put it all down in writing so your families know.