To get annoyed with this?

[lllBCR]

Every time I buy something for me or the kids, or go somewhere/book an experience for the family my Mum always snarls and says "you must have loads of money".

She is not poor (or wealthy). She's just in the middle, comfortable. Always able to buy things for herself/family etc so I don't think it's that she's comparing.

I am an adult woman who hides purchases or gets nervous mentioning things because I know a snarky comment will follow. I work hard and can afford things. Why does my mother have to comment??!!!

I don't know, but mine was exactly the same. It put me off telling her about things

How do you respond to her? Can you ask her why she's so negative?

It would put me off, too.

Did your mother come from a poorer home background when she was young? I know people who never lose the mindset of not being able to spend money freely even when they have it because they got used to finances being tight when they were young.

Having said that her comment does come over as being quite unpleasant. As though she is jealous of the pleasure you are getting from buying things/ going places. As though she doesn't derive a lot of pleasure herself from much in life and resents yours.

Ask her why.
Did she not have her own income or like shopping erc.

is she jealous that you can afford things she couldn't when she was your age with kids? although you'd think she would be happy for you not jealous

I’d call her out on everything.

‘What do you mean, mum?’
‘What’s wrong, mum?’
‘I’m happy to put in the hours at work so we can do nice things for the kids.’

Just grey rock any comments like that.

Ugh, I can't bear people who do this.

I used to have a colleague who could not let anyone's holiday/outing/purchase pass without negatively commenting on them spending a lot of money. Her favourite phrase was 'You must have more money than sense'. Been for a weekend away? More money than sense. Bought a pair of trainers from Nike instead of an unbranded pair from a supermarket? More money than sense. Upgraded your phone? More money than sense. Eaten a meal at a nice restaurant? More money than sense. Spent more than £50 on your partner's birthday present? More money than sense.

She wasn't badly off financially at all, and it didn't matter whether the person she was moaning at was a director on a massive salary or a junior admin assistant straight out of school. She just got really annoyed when anyone spent any money on anything that she personally didn't see the point of.

But how does she know these things? I’m very fond of my mother and she lives close by, and absolutely thinks I’m ridiculously extravagant, but she would have absolutely no idea if I’d bought myself an expensive new garment or gadget, for instance. She would only have known we were renting a house in France with some friends in terms of holiday stuff.

It's honestly not over extravagance. It's stuff like the kids getting new trainers (because they need them) or new season football shirts, they don't need them, but I like buying them for the kids and I'm not exactly going to say you can't wear those because grandma will want to know my annual salary since I've not bought you a T shirt from primark instead...

We as kids didn't have LOADS but we didn't need either. I think it's maybe because I am able to do / give more than we got but if this was me i would be happy for my child doing well, not jealous?

It's so annoying and I never know what to say back!

I have similar experiences with my parents.
They are both of a generation/from families that brought them up not to be frivolous.

They live in a nice seaside town, and I live in a city about an hour away. And they constantly comment on my spending. I earn relatively well and spend within my means. I’m mid 30s and my partner and I are child free. When my parents were my age, they had a 10 year old and a 12 year old, ans all their money went on family related things, and essentials, and they struggle to understand my lifestyle and think I am frivolous.

I go to a friends wedding in Italy, they think that’s absolutely outrageous that someone would “get married abroad and expect people to go.” I go shopping with mum and spend £50 on nice autumnal candles/decorations from TK Maxx and I’m “frittering my money.” I go on a spa day and I’m “splurging.” And if they come to stay with me and I take them out for dinner in the city centre, they are horrified at the restaurant prices and keep making comments. I go for afternoon tea and they “can’t believe I pay those prices.”

I always call them out when they say it but they just giggle and talk about how times have changed. And then that’s that. But they do it time and time again!

My mum does this, in fairness she's from a generation that had a lot less disposable income and access to things to buy/do than ours does. Just don't tell her.

"You sound a bit cross about that, Mum - why?"

"Clothes are cheaper now."

"Do you realise that whenever I tell you something we're doing or have bought, you're quite negative about it?"

"Why do you say that?"

Any of those any good?

Or "Well, we're planning to put you in a really cheap nursing home anyway, so we might as well spend what we like now." This may get you chucked out of her will, so tread carefully. 😁

I'd call her out on it, as mentioned above.

What do you mean mum?
What is it you find so distasteful?
Why do you react so negative whenever I mention going somewhere or doing something, what is it that you dont like?

And when she tries to bat it off, explain that her negativity is pushing you to not want to share things with her or tell her things for fear of the negative slant she always brings.

Show her the impact of her reactions

My mum can be like this.

It's like she takes it as a dig at her, because she didn't (couldn't) do the same for her kids.

My Mum is like this. It drives me mad. I have learnt my lesson I now do tell her the cost of anything I buy.

As pp have said call your Mum out on it every time.
I ignore, grey rock and remind my Mum that I am an adult and I can spend the money I earn on what I want. I do not need her opinion or permission to do so.

one time Mum was at my house when my grocery shop was delivered and she did not stop commenting negatively about the cost the shopping, the things I purchased and that fact that I paid ( monthly delivery saver) to have my shopping delivered! Thought £7.99 for a month was outrageous and nearly dropped her cup of tea and fell off the sofa when I told her that if people have not got a delivery pass they can pay that a week for their shopping.

Mum thinks "only lazy people " have shopping delivered- I pointed out that DH I work full time, have three children and two dogs and no inclination to traipse round the supermarket at the weekend!

Problem with my Mum's generation ( mid 70's) is that what I see as essentials ( cleaner, supermarket delivery) she sees as being frivolous and a waste of money because she never had the option for a cleaner or supermarket delivery when she was bringing us up.