WWYD......16 year old drinking at friends party,

[Purplemertle]

Alcohol supplied by parents! Dd was tipsy when came home, and vile since. Furious that friends parents condone. Back story that we have fallen out as has happened before.

Sounds pretty standard for a 16 year old to be honest.. very irresponsible of the parents to be providing though, they are who I’d be directing the anger at instead of your DD.

Pretty standard amongst my teens at that age to have a few drinks at a friends house party. Better a few controlled drinks there than a bottle of cheap vodka in the local park. All my kids friends parents were the same though / all ok with it

I wouldn't do anything, it wouldn't bother me. It's common for 16 year olds to drink - when my son was 16 I remember someone's parents bought them a bottle of vodka.

It the parents I'm furious with, they seem to think it's a joke. I expect abit at 16,, but they specifically messaged saying supervised and then provided beer, cider & vodka. WTH

I had a relaxed attitude when it came to DD and drinking but buying vodka for someone else’s 16 year olds (presumably without consulting their parents) is just not acceptable. A few beers, alcopops etc are one thing, hard spirits are another.

That's my thoughts, I'm not naive or prudish but I'd expect a heads up, or "is it OK for them to have a beer or premade cocktail...etc." DD has health condition and can react badly, they know this, as she ended up in hospital previously when staying with them.

in general 16 year olds will experiment with alcohol. It’s hard to stop them.

I agree that your friends supplying vodka is off and I would be annoyed.

If your daughter has a medical condition however your focus needs to be on working with her so she manages that. She is going to be at lots of parties with booze in the next decade.

That’s not on. My son had a garden party last year (biggest mistake of my life!). Kids were 16 and 17. Many of them brought alcohol. Most of them I know their parents and all ok with them. Of course the other 50 odd that weren’t invited but turned up anyway were drunk and just awful. No way would I have supplied drink . I wasn’t overly comfortable with any of them drinking to be honest but when I smelt weed I chucked them all out .

Honestly I know that my teens are going to be in situations where alcohol is involved so we have spoken a lot to them about limits, allowed them to safely test their limits at family occasions when we were around. Thankfully it has seemed to worked so far and my kids are open about when they are offered alcohol and have never come home worse for wear. Soon enough they will be 18 and be able to do as they please. Teaching them to moderate and take responsibility for themselves/not bow to peer pressure is the best stance imo. If it's not parents giving the alcohol it will be someone else along the way.

We have tried really hard to educate rather than lecture but she is very easily led and aware that friend is always trying to get her to push boundaries.
I just thought her parents would have learned and had a bit more respect.

IMO you have to be realistic. Your daughters friend and her parents are only doing what parents for generations have done, and let the youngsters behave like teenagers in safety in their home. Where help is at hand should something go wrong. The other option is the kids go out and get someone to buy them booze, get drunk down the local park with nobody around if something does go wrong.

The only options are you don't let your daughter go there, or accept your daughter is only doing what is normal and try to explain the dangers with her condition and be pleased someone is there to assist if she does become unwell.

Oh for goodness sake, she is 16. Old enough to know her own boundaries and the limits of her health condition. I think getting cross at the parents is ridiculous personally. In around two years your DD will be leaving home.

Massive overreaction here. I provided a few cans of weak lager at my son's 16th, enough for about one per person. They all turned up with bottle of vodka and wine!

They have to get used to a bit of alcohol gradually, they might be off to uni freshers week in less than 2 years where they'll be surrounded by it.

I’d also be annoyed with the parents but as others have said, the emphasis needs to be on your DD accepting that she needs to be careful with alcohol due to her medical condition. She must develop those boundaries now as in less than two years, she and her friends will be able to buy as much alcohol as they wish.

@Purplemertle This is a bit off topic but i would caution against characterising your child as "easily led" because she does things you don't like. My parents did this and it drove a real wedge between us. I felt they thought me weak and that I never knew my own mind. I made a lot of silly mistakes when I was young but every time it was a whole hearted decision made by me (even if a bit idiotic). I'm close to my parents now I'm in mid life, but in some ways that experience of being made to feel like they thought I was incapable and lesser has stayed with me. The same ideas sometimes pop out now around comment on my parenting

She’s 16. It’s completely legal for her to be drinking in that situation, and being a bit tipsy is not really a big deal. If there’s a genuine health risk, the 16yo needs to be taking care of herself so as not to trigger the allergy or whatever. YABU.

So they did give a heads up.

They provided alcohol in a controlled environment which is what most parents of 16/17 year old parents would do. A good opportunity to talk to your DD about limits etc.... alcohol shouldn't be the devil, our DC just need to understand how to use it sensibly and safely, hard I know as a mother of a 16 year old x

This.

If you don’t want your DD to be easily led, then she has to be able to take control of what she does, rather than be controlled by you.

A lot of 16yos (just waiting on GCSE results?) will be going to Reading/Leeds, parties, etc where they will be exposed to much worse without adults keeping a close eye. If they have no prior experience, they won’t know how to handle themselves when with other over excited 16yos.

Speaking as a mum of two 20-something DC who have managed the teen/uni drinking, etc experiences and come out the other side.

Lots of good points and I'm not against, she has to learn. I'm more upset that friends parents never mentioned that they would supply alcohol, you'd think they would at least say so we would be aware.