Former in-laws unpleasantness.

[PinkPonyClub]

Left my exH back in late 2022 after finding out he was having affairs with other men. Didn't out him to his family and fought really to develop a civil co parenting relationship for my 14 year old.
Unfortunately at the time the marriage broke down, I lived next door to them.
Unfortunately shortly after finding out about exHs cheating, I was diagnosed with cancer. My own family are in a different country. I asked his family (sibling/parents) if they would help support my DC during my treatment. (ExH left the country during this time).
They said sure and then i didn't hear a word from them and also had to travel home via patient transport as I didn't have anyone willing to help me to or from hospital. (100+ miles each way. Remote area). My family member flew in with their own young DC to support mine during recovery. They were providing childcare for my dcs cousins in this period to give the unemployed dad a break.
I then moved out with DC 15 minutes away. I've heard nothing from the grandparents and uncle/aunt of dc since unless I make contact.
I've since been told by friends of the family that they were very vocal about the fact my cancer was not their problem and they wouldn't be supporting my dc. They've also told same friends that it's on me to get in touch for contact with my dc and they won't be making contact with me to do so.
I've also been invited 2nd hand via my cheating ex to celebrate the former in laws big wedding anniversary.
AIBU to just go no contact? I feel for my kid but if sends such a shit message with the way they are behaving.

Unfortunately op they are your exs family not yours. When it would have been nice to help when you were ill they weren't obligated to do so. Maybe they assumed it was up to your own family to do so.

They aren't obligated to help you, but you also aren't obligated to stay in touch with them.

They will be the ones missing out on time with your DCs, so it's up to them.

I don’t think your child is missing out on any worthwhile relationships to be honest.

I’m sorry to hear about your cancer. I hope the treatment is going well.

Your ex in-laws have shown you that the people you need to focus on are yourself, your child, and the friends and relatives you have who care about you. They do not fall into any of these categories.

Why would you want to stay in touch with people like this?

Your kids deserve way better.

They sound very cold and uncaring. You were part of their family for a long time and their grandchild was going through a very difficult time. It is quite astounding that they could detach to such an extent.

I am sure your child noticed all this and the whole side of the family has irrevocably damaged that relationship.

Dont have anything more to do with these people.

Bin them. These are not quality people who are going to be loving influences in your kids lives. Honestly, if you are well enough and can afford to, go back to home country with kids to be close to family while having treatment. Ex’s family are useless. Just don’t tell anyone your plans. Let them find out afterwards. I’m sorry you have to deal with this AND cancer. It’s amazing how strong we are for our kids. (Also speak to the school and all your doctors and tell them that you have no family help here, what ex’s family have said, etc… ask them to put this in their files to protect your kids. Make sure them know your family have come to you. If you ever need to go to court in the future, you have clear evidence that you tried more than your best to make it work here.)

I would be sending them anonymous info telling them about their precious ds..

AIBU to just go no contact?

Seems they’ve already gone no contact with you OP so don’t give it anymore headspace. Draw a line under it and move on; at 14 years old I’m sure your child has the measure of them already.

Shut the flying monkeys down though, if anyone brings up your in laws, stop them before they can get into it and tell them you don’t want to know.

Ditch them, you don't need toxic relationships and if that is how they are going to treat the mother of their grandchild then I wouldn't want them anywhere near them.
I have similar and all I say is it's their loss not mine.

Bullshit. They are her child’s family and their useless son was overseas so it’s clear he’s not parenting in any way shape or form. Any decent grandparent tries to be involved in that circumstance, and that’s without the cancer.

Op, the only thing you may have done wrong is not move far enough away. Forget about them. Do NOT go to the anniversary and do not put effort into making sure your child goes.

I hope you make a full recovery op. Move on just you and your boy. You dont need them xx

Sorry to hear that your in-laws would not help care for their grandchild during your cancer treatment.
You don't need to behave as mean as them though.

I would attend the Anniversary celebration with your son.
It would be so that he has shared memories with his cousins.
It is an easy thing to do for just a few hours and you have been invited.

You never know if your son will be in need of a close relationship with his cousins and aunts etc. so I would go.

No it is true they are not the op's family, decent or not it is a fact they don't have to help

Their grandson? You don’t think they have the teensiest obligation to their grandson? When the op was in hospital, their grandson needed help, and they are their grandsons family.

Did you ask for help ie "can you have dc at x time on Wednesday while I am having treatment?" Or did you wait for them to offer?

I disagree, OP didn't ask them to help her but to help her child, their family member. I would never again facilitate a relationship between them and my child, I'd leave it to the ex and if he doesn't bother they've lost that relationship and it's on them. Why on earth do you contact them OP, just stop 💐

Your DS is 14 so these ex in-laws can get in touch with him themselves. It's not up to you to facilitate this any more. So that's that really.
I'm sorry they were so cold and un caring but that is often the way after a split. Families back each other.
So just move on and ignore them. This anniversary is nothing to do with you now. Your ex can take the DS if he wants.

Yep. I asked for them to take DS as his father wouldn't be there and they needed said no. At that point my family member wasn't confirmed to fly in so the hospital were looking at short term foster care input for DS.

It was their grandchild who needed the care as well so maybe they were obliged. I never understand comments like this that says close family aren't obliged to help.. kinda they are, it's not going to kill someone to do do some baby sitting at the very least. They lived next door for crying out loud..

@PinkPonyClub definitely go no contact

If my in-laws would rather my DC was put into temporary foster care than look after them, I would never see or speak to them again.

Exactly this.

And that’s what I’d be telling anyone who had the nerve to offer an opinion. They don’t care about your DC.

You've been through a terribly traumatic ordeal OP. This type of event is when you find out who is on your side.
Don't give these awful people another thought and definitely don't go to this party. Jeez. 🙄 Your ex-husband can facilitate anything with his parents. After what he's done to you too, I wouldn't give him the time of day either.

Put yourself and your child first.