I have been a long-time lurker here but finally decided to create an account because I could really use some advice.
Three months ago, I ended my relationship with my DH (we're both 31). We were together for 16 years and married for two. I left because I felt increasingly suffocated and controlled. There were always time limits when I went out, and he often gave me the silent treatment as a form of punishment. I just wasn’t happy.
When I ended things, my DH did a lot of begging and pleading initially, but I stood firm in my decision. I felt guilty because we were in the process of buying our first home and trying for a baby, but I knew I couldn’t go through with it.
For context, I’ve always paid the rent and bills, while he contributed an equivalent amount to our joint savings for paying for our wedding and now buying our house. Given that I covered the living expenses, I was entitled to a larger share of our savings, but in the end, we agreed to split the savings 50/50, on the basis I would keep all the furniture in our home (his suggestion).
After realising that I wasn’t going to change my mind, he became nasty via text and then gave me the silent treatment for a month. We decided to share the house temporarily. He works long shifts three days a week, so on his workdays, he stayed at the house, and I kept our dog. On his days off, I stayed at the house with the dog. This arrangement meant we each had the house about 3-4 days a week.
However, since we’re no longer saving together, I asked him to cover his share of the bills and rent for last month (£900), but he ignored me. After asking several more times and getting no response for weeks, I asked my DM to mention it to him since they had been in contact occasionally. He replied to her, saying he wouldn’t pay because he felt it was equivalent to covering the rent deposit for our current home and the car deposit (which is on finance). For context, we shared the car, but it’s in my name, and I kept it after letting him use it exclusively for a month while he found another vehicle (I borrowed a work car). He claimed he couldn’t afford to keep the car or house on his salary.
I agreed about the rent deposit as I will likely get all of that back (£1,100 so £550 each) when I move but felt the car deposit wasn’t fair since I won’t see that money again. I decided to let it go, and he moved out this week. When he did, he took everything he could fit in his new car, including the TV, lamps, hoover, microwave, crockery, all decorative things like ornaments, pots but left the plants etc. I looked like I had been burgled. I don’t think this was fair, as we should have discussed it. He also took my engagement and wedding rings.
When he finally responded, he claimed that the items he took didn’t count as “furniture,” but I believe we should have talked about it. He also took our dog’s lead, bowls, and other supplies, even though I was caring for the dog that week. After several messages, he eventually left my rings on the doorstep but kept everything else.
On top of all this, he owes me £450 for the bills for August before he moved out, but he’s refusing to pay. I asked for £550 to cover the items he took and the unpaid bills, ignoring the original £900 as he won’t back down, but he’s still ignoring me. Ideally, I would also like some of the £900 back minus the rent house deposit.
I am dreading sharing our dog but neither of us will give him up as he is like our child.
I am considering taking this to small claims court? Is this doable? I’m really at a loss here.