Nephews visit

[Sofita90]

So we are hosting my husbands nephews along with the grandparents for almost a month. Their stay will be over in a week or so but things that I was patient with made me lose my patience. Constantly the bathroom area next to the sink full of water , never getting their plates or rubbish on the sink. Asking to buy items and being picky with food ect. One is 12 and the other 15. The 12 year old complains all the time and if you tell him something he doesn’t like he gets moody and starts crying. My husband doesn’t want to say anything to the kids as it is their holidays and we are not their parents. But for me if we don’t tell them they will continue to have the same behaviour.

Just found shower toilet a mess and water in places I could not imagine could reach. I called my husband to see if he agrees to say to the kid to be more careful and help to clean and he said no . Just do it. I was like I am not cleaning it . He said I act as 12 year old and he cleaned.

here to say my husband does most these days in the house as he works from home.

Am I unreasonable?

If 2 teens were staying with me for a month, then, from day 1, they would have it explained that in my house, all family muck in. I'd have just said "I've cooked, so you guys clear the table and I'll help you load the dishwasher in case it is different from yours."
Family members (well, anyone) staying more than 2 nights live as part of the family here. I'm not a hotel.

If they've been there 3 weeks and you've not said anything, you've made it much more difficult to say anything now.

Don't have a repeat again.

Point your dh to the areas that need cleaned every time. If he won't pull up his relatives he can be their skivvy..

This.

DH family, his drama, but you handling the drama means he doesn't have too, he won't manage it or handle it if it's already done.

1: They wouldn't be staying with me for a month. Anything more than a few days and they can get a hotel/caravan/holiday home/lodge.
2: People staying are expected keep things tidy/help out with cooking/dish washing/change their own bed linen etc. I am not a hotel.
3: My house, my rules - don't like them, leave.
4: If I'm cooking, you eat whatever I cook. If you don't like it, feel free to visit a take away/buy your own food.
5: If you behave in a manner I find unacceptable, I will tell you.

Book yourself a trip away for their final week and leave DH to it.

I would have very much set boundaries and nipped any whinging etc in the bud from day one but I understand why you didn't. The lack of support from DH is more disrespectful so hence leave him to it and wave goodbye for the week

They’re kids. Surely you realised that before they came to say?

What's has being kids got to do with being moody, untidy, not cleaning, being fussy with food that someone else has taken the time to cook etc?

The first line of @Spirallingdownwards has it!

Definitely sit the teenagers down tonight and say that you're their aunt, not their short order cook or their servant so you'll not be picking up after them and they will be expected to help. You're not saying that they can't still have their holiday but the way they've been treating your house is going to stop right now, so if they make a mess, they clean it up! They can manage to put their dishes in the dishwasher and not leave them by the sink and they help clear the table after dinner.

I wouldn't tell DH that I was planning on having a chat with the teenagers, I'd just do it. Afterwards, you can tell him that you've had a chat with your nephews and they have agreed to do X, Y and Z and help clear the table after dinner and clean up any messes they make.

As for the grandparents - well, once you get the teenagers on side, you can say to them that there's no reason why they need to be making a mess and not putting their dishes either in the sink or in the dishwasher (if there is a wash on) as they are family and you're not running an AirBnB or a hotel. If they want hotel level service, they can go to a hotel to get it!

I meant to add that when they all leave, you need to have a serious conversation with your DH about what is and isn't acceptable from guests, even if those guests are family.
If he says that you're acting like a 12 year old when you say that you're not going to clean up a mess that you didn't make, I do hope he likes doing his own laundry and cooking his own meals as I'd suggest you don't lift a finger for him after this until he learns that a mess you contribute to, you fix.

Would you expect your DH to clean up and cook for your nephews?

I have kids. They don't behave like entitled arseholes. Neither should these ones.

So, I realise they have probably gone now, but, how did you sort things @Sofita90 ?

They did leave on the weekend. Well I just stopped cleaning after them and let my husband and mother in law to handle it. What he said is we are not their parents and we cannot educate them and since they have not learned to do these things they are not going to do them during their holidays. Anyway we agreed the kids will not be coming in the near future. Meaning for the next 5 years or so. When they come back they will be adults already. Just to add here to that they have help at grandparents house were they spent most of their time in their home country. My mother and father in law when I commented the kids don’t clean after them replied that in 3 years when the older will go to uni and younger will be alone they will do everything as they will not have any other choice. Well they always can live in dirt haha. Anyway not my business.. I feel a bit guilty to feel relieved they left while my husband was happy to have them here.

The parents are setting their teenage children up for a massive fall when they move on to university or into the greater wide world when it comes to situations like this. The fact that the grandparents see it and also do nothing is shocking! Whatever about you or your DH saying something, the Grandparents really should point out to their kids that they aren't helping the younger ones here by just letting them behave like feral animals.

They will have a HUGE wake up call when they move out of home!