To feel like a failure for being too scared to do this presentation?

[pinksunsets]

This isn't part of my main job (where luckily I'm never asked to present) but a freelance offer that has come my way. I would be paid essentially for a day's work but to prep for it would take several days plus it's not for a few weeks and I know I'll spend those few weeks feeling anxious/terrified. I haven't said yes or no yet and I'm already anxious thinking about it. It's on a topic that I am an expert in and would normally have fun talking about. If I wasn't so scared I would love to be the type of person to do it. But I'm not! Even in group meetings on my small team, once I've said my bit I don't tend to interject afterwards. I'm always nervous about speaking in groups and now this would be a presentation to 500 people!

I did think for a while maybe I could do it but now I'm thinking of saying no and feel like a failure for not having the guts to do it. I know I probably need to step out of my comfort zone but this feels like such an extreme leap and it seems like a lot of stress for not much gain apart from the prestige.

Yes to all of the above! The main reason to do this is the prestige. I'm not sure it's worth weeks of stress and panic though. Even thinking about it now is giving me that dry mouth sensation...

I’d run for the hills 😂 I’d love to say ‘go for it’ and that you’ll be so glad when you’ve done it, get all these opportunities from it etc but any time I’ve done any sort of public speaking I’ve felt like I was dying on my feet the entire time and just been desperate for it to end. I did an online (free) course the other week that probably would help in this situation, especially when you’re actually an expert in the subject. Vanessa Cuddeford was the woman’s name, she’s an ex news reader and speaks about how she had a panic attack one day and just couldn’t do her job anymore for fear of it happening again

I agree with Vanillalime. There is quite a lot to delivering a good presentation. It's worth taking it seriously, developing the skills and confidence so that you can go there having done the work to be prepared and professional in keeping with the your expertise and standing and the prestige of the occasion and the audience.

I was in a similar situation in that I was asked to present to 250 people and dreaded it from the moment I agreed. I'm so pleased I did it. Midway through, I realised people just wanted to learn from me. Do it! Prepare well and you may even enjoy it - I did! I had proponal, but don't even remember if I took it or not in the end.

I go to someone who works locally to me. Face to face sessions. He's totally non-judgmental, very kind and understanding. I can be completely open with him. And he has a great sense of humour as well. He does solution focused hypnotherapy which concentrates on what is right with you, what you can do, not on what is wrong with you.
He's a member of this association. Look at the website and see if there's someone near you.

www.afsfh.com/home/
I'm not sure how to send private messages on here, but I'd like to send you a link to something which I'd prefer not to post here. (If that makes sense) Feel free to contact me. It really has made a huge difference to me. I wish I'd found him years ago - except he wasn't a hypnotherapist then.

pinksunsets - I've worked out how to send a private message. Hope it might help.

I wouldn't do it if I were you - and I LOVE public speaking.

A crowd of 500 is a massively unfair pressure to put on yourself as your first public speaking engagement. I'd start by getting used to public speaking in a small, informal crowd. Put yourself up for doing more presentatioms at work to familiar colleagues or in small meetings to clients. And get some training - maybe Toastmasters or a drama improv group.

Anyone, however confident, might feel a little nervous of speaking to 500 people. It's too much for a first engagement for a terrified speaker!

As a general tip about public speaking - the reason it doesn't scare me is because it simply doesn't occur to me that anyone is looking at me or judging me - even if they are.

I just think: they want this information; I have this information. I love sharing things with people and I love helping people so I will share this info and help people. Doing this makes me happy.

In a weird way, I think it's easier to present to a large number than a small group. It's somehow less personal. I've always had to do presentations and I'm used to talking to groups as I was in education. When I first started, I used power points and timed my presentation to the minute. I started with a slide which indicates the nature of the presentation and who I was. Then I did a slide on theory, one on practise or an anecdote which supported the theory then a sad life which detailed a task for the audience (which may or may not be necessary). And repeat as often as I had time. Then a final slide which summarised the main points and my contact details. I'm sorry if this is obvious to you, but it helped me organise my thoughts.

Sad life? FFS. Slide!!!

I know its daunting and i too am like you but honestly go for it. Prep as much as possible so your presentation flows nicely. If anyone asks a Q that your unsure of, say youll find out and let them know after the meeting. Talk slowly so you’re not too fast. Remember- they all believe you are an expert in the topic. You are otherwise they wouldn’t have asked you. The people in the audience are there to learn from you. Best of luck 🤞 youll feel on top of the world afterwards 🤩

Everyone will want you to do a good presentation - it's much nicer being in the audience of a good presentation than a good one. But it's a lot for a first presentation.

So I don't know if you should say yes to it now (depends exactly when they want it - next week, next month, next year?) But prepare for the future by doing something now - I would agree with joining Toastmasters or similar, which will give the opportunity to practise all areas of speechcraft - structure, timing, body language, tone of voice, audience management, how to reduce ums & ers, how to answer unplanned questions - everything, over time. You get great constructive feedback, so you learn how to improve. But most of all, you get practice, in a safe environment, and lots of people will be there because they wanted to overcome their nerves about public speaking.

part of my job involves public speaking and I get very anxious about it. I always have done. It will ruin my time a month before the event. But because I have to, I take every opportunity to present to get over it. Over 10 years on I’m better but still not good. If you’re anything like me I wouldn’t do it. My early presentations were so bad because of the anxiety. In the beginning I used betablockers to get through exam presentations. That got me through but didn’t make them good. One reason they’re better now is because work got so stressful that I didn’t care much anymore! I’d skip this one but if you want to get better at speaking in groups the one thing that really helped me was a short acting course. It was so uncomfortable but taught me that you can feel that way but hide it well enough to speak well in public. Of all the things I tried (a lot) this was the best!

Speaking in front of groups is important for lots of careers now. This might not be the right session for you to deliver at this time, but it’s time to get a grip on this now before it holds you back from something else you NEED or HAVE to do. Big girl pants on!

I pressed the wrong button. You are not being unreasonable. Unless they are offering squillions of dollars, it’s not worth the anxiety it will cause you.

if you WANTED to improve
your public speaking ability, it would be a good opportunity but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

Thanks to everyone who has responded. I think I'm going to say no this time but I'm going to look into an improv class/Toastmasters as I occasionally get asked to do some kind of public speaking outside of my job as a freelancer and I always say no so perhaps it's time to do something about it.

I do feel a bit sad that I'm not able to overcome my fear to do something very cool but I also don't want to spend the next few weeks feeling horribly anxious for something that is paying so little!

Should also have added that the whole event would have been an hour long - so me presenting plus a few others individually and then all coming together for a discussion afterwards. I think I could have handled just the presentation alone but that plus a group discussion seems like a lot!

It doesn’t necessarily sound worth it. You’d only be paid for a day but would have to do several days of prep, and it would cause a lot of stress. It’s not a good cost / benefit analysis.

If it could lead to tangible career benefits then it might be worth speaking to your GP about whether there is anything you can take or do to manage the anxiety, but if it’s not actually going to help you much I’d be inclined to give this one a miss.

Don't beat yourself up. Public speaking is very intense. If you don't feel prepared or able to prepare, it might not be time yet.

There's no harm in practicing in the meantime. I find repeating over and over what I'm going to say (usually in the car 😁) helps me get a script in my head together. Use that overthinking to your advantage, I say!

Another really important thing is to remember to breathe. Many people stop breathing from stress, start running out of breath, talk too fast to compensate, and that makes them panic. Deliberately talk a bit more slowly than you normally would to compensate and take lots of deep breaths.