Child maintenance and reluctant ex

[Smilingbuttired]

My ex and I split up a year ago, we share a 4yo son. Ex is a great dad who sees him every weekend as he works away mon-Fri so usually has him for 2 nights a week. Initially we agreed him giving me £50 a week child maintenance and this worked for a few months but he has taken to withholding the money if we’ve argued or if he’s in a mood etc. He earns good money and always has enough to go to his football and out drinking etc. He says I’m a disgrace for asking for money as when he has him he takes him places, feeds him and sometimes buys him clothes (these stay at his) I pointed out that none of that helps me though… he keeps saying I’m just a money grabber. If I went through CMS I’m sure he’d have to pay more than what I’ve asked for given his wage but I was trying to be decent but so far now since the end of June he’s given me £100 and is refusing to give me anymore. AIBU to go through CMS

Privately agreed arrangements only last if they work like clockwork. Tell him to set up a standing order and if there is any pushback or variation go to the CMS. You are within your rights to go straight to the CMS if you prefer.

Of course you should go through the CMS.

He has proved he will not stick to a private agreement.

You’d be stupid not to.

You need to go through CM. He's a disgrace for failing to adequately provide for his son. CM is the minimum he should be providing. I wouldn't hesitate to make a claim. He's a deadbeat waste of space.

Ex is a great dad

Nope.

Get onto the CMS and don’t discuss it with him. He’s a prat.

Would you consider yourself a great mum if you saw your son every other weekend and treated his main parent like that?
It costs you a lot of money to raise a child, CMS calculate your exes minimum contribution to this. They take into account how often he sees his child.

Him not giving you money is his way of controlling your behaviour, stop letting him have this control over you.

Go to CMS IMMEDIATELY.
It isn’t decent to deprive your child of the financial support that is his by right just because his dad is mean with money.

He is supposed to pay towards his keep and pay for his child when he is with him.

CMS puts a middle 'man' between you when it comes to money and is the best way forward as money can be such an emotive subject

How is he a great dad when he’s not paying to support his child? Stop kidding yourself!

Ex is a great dad he isn't. He needs to provide for his son.

Go to cms.

Your cms only counts from the day you put in the claim so set it up tomorrow . I had to do mine by phone but it was a transfer from CSA ..

then grey rock the conversation . If he has issues then simply repeat discuss it with cms or don’t answer at all . He is playing on you trying to be reasonable when he is not .

There is nothing none decent about using a service to get the money your child is entitled to. Why would you not want your child benefit?

Can we just stop with this 'great dad' bullshit. Great dads support their kids. He's a shit dad.

He's not a great dad if he isn't paying the maintenance. He's a deadbeat dad. Go via CMS.

A 'great Dad' does not withhold maintenance money on a whim.

Agree with above posters. A "great dad" provides for his DC even if he's in a shitty mood. Don't let his comments stop you from going through CMS. Keep in mind that you are looking out for your DC's interests in doing this, not your own. If you don't really need the money than take it anyway and put it away for your DC because his father has an obligation to provide for him. My mum felt sorry for my dad so didn't want to ask for anything after their divorce. We didn't starve but there was nothing left for extras because of that..

A great Dad does not call the Mother of his child a disgrace. CMS run don't walk

He's gas lighting you op.

The maths isn't difficult. You are both parents so should be 3.5 days per week each. It isn't, it's 2 for him and 5 for you. So, obviously, he needs to financially make up for the extra 1.5 days you look after and pay for his child.

Go to CMS. I wouldn't bother having any firther chats with him about it.

All of the above. Also, you'd be wise not to let a pattern settle in where ex gets all the weekends and you do the hard weekday work only. There've been women on here who went along with that sort of setup, regretted it, but found it difficult to change once established.

Of course you should go through CMS, Otherwise it's just him giving you money when he feels like it, and that comes with power to withhold as you've seen. Make it official and stop the silliness.

Is be employed rather than self employed? If so yes go to cms. If not then this might cause him to hide more money and pay nothing

A great dad he most certainly is not, and I hope you've already submitted the claim.