13/14yr olds after school routine if you work

[unmp]

Hi everyone

Taking inspiration from the morning routine thread for this age group, as I am keen to know what arrangements others have in place for after school for young secondary school kids

Not keen on my kids 'hanging out' after school so if they don't have an after school club to attend I prefer them to come straight home from school

Previously I have mainly alternated WFH days with DH but from September he will be working away during the week and I am office based 2x a week

I will have an 11 &13 yr old at the same secondary school but worried about how to handle the days that I am working in the office and my commute is 2hrs end to end.

Mornings I figure we could all leave together but as I live in London, I don't feel comfortable with my kids being home alone with no structure

How do you mange after school food till you get home, my boys can bicker/ mess around a lot!

Do kids have their own keys, school doesn't allow mobile phones but thinking of getting a basic home phone put in so I can check they have arrived home safely

What about homework etc? They could theoretically go to an after school club till 4.30 then arrive home for 5. 30 by which time I will be on my way home, but that still leaves 1.5 hrs in the evening alone

Again my worry about them leaving school later in the day is it will get darker earlier so it feels risky to be travelling around by 5.30pm in London after school for an 11 and 13 year old

I am going to ask the kids to do clubs on the same day and wait to travel together to increase safety

What do you do and how do you manage the situation?

What are you worried about with them being home alone? I have a 13 yr old, I leave a snack box for her, when it's nice she may go to the park but mostly she comes home and plays Roblox solidly without even moving.

She has school until 4.00, then dawdles with her friends coming home so she’s back by around 5.00. She texts me so I know she’s home.

Gets herself a snack and turns the TV on, does whatever chores I’ve left her a note about (empty dishwasher, usually) and if I’m lucky does homework and music practice. She may stay at school for a concert or a club some days, and one day she has a local club at 7.00, which she can walk herself to.

One of us is usually home by 7.30, and if she needed an adult before then she’d text. Granny is five minutes away and has spare keys, but is frail and couldn’t give any practical help.

At 11 and 13, they should be fine?
Although they cannot have phones in school, could they take them, switched off in the bottom of their bags until they leave school?

They could then make their way home together and message you when they arrive.

Elder one could be responsible for a door key - most kids I teach have a key from the start of Y7. Me and my friends also did.
Or fit a key safe at home so they can access the key that way - cheap to buy and easy enough to fit yourself.

Food - make sure there are snacks in/stuff to make a sandwich. Discuss and set ground rules that you are happy with e.g. they can use the toaster but not the oven or whatever.

Discuss with them what to do in an emergency- phone you/DH/neighbour etc. Make sure they know not to answer the door.

I understand your concern but in Y7, I was getting myself and my younger sister home some days and we were alone for a similar amount of time. It was totally fine.

My DS has left school now but I was a single parent working full time since he was 11. I could wfh 3 days a week but for 2 days he had to come home to an empty house.

He had to come straight home after school, had a key to let himself in and a mobile phone. School was a 30 minute walk so he could be home before it was dark.

Home alone with no structure is absolutely fine a couple of days a week.

They’re at secondary school. Surely they just go home, let themselves in with their key and sort themselves out?

I think an 11yo and a 13yo will be fine surely?

I'm surprised they don't already have a key tbh - mind did from year 5/6 as they walked home from primary school at that age and I wasn't always in till a bit later. Also they used to go and play at the park or at friends' houses.

I really don't think an 11yo and a 13yo are at risk travelling in London after 5.30pm either. My DD often used to walk to and home from Guides on her own (7.30pm/9pm) when she was 12/13. It's fine. We're not in London but London school to home is hardly going to be much more dangerous than our city suburb.

Do they have much freedom now? Can you start instigating it over the last few weeks of summer hols - walk to the shops, walk to the park etc? How has your old DC managed at secondary up till now?

I have a 13 year old who gets home about 2 hours before me. She lets herself in with her key, has a snack and watches a little tv then does her homework. So long as she gets her homework done it really doesn't matter if she has a routine or not.

At high school age they really should be fine so it's not clear to me what it is you're not comfortable about. Discuss expectations with them, make sure they can get hold of you if needed, make sure they know what to do in an emergency.

DD is 13 and comes home alone they days I am in the office (quite infrequent but the same principle). She gets a snack, does a bit of homework if she has any, plays online with some friends and gets ready for me to come in at 5.30 when we go to look after her pony. She's been doing this since she started high school.

I can imagine with two there's more worry about them falling out or winding each other up, but again....set expectations and they'll get used to it.

I don't feel comfortable with my kids being home alone with no structure

Why do two secondary age kids need ‘structure’ though? They’re not five, and they’ve had just had a rigidly structured day at school. Why can’t they just chill and do their own thing?!

Strange thread. If you can’t leave your early teens alone for a couple of hours during the day, something has gone very wrong.

Of course they should have their own key by the time they’re at secondary school.

Tell them to take their phones and leave them turned off in their bags. That’s what we did.

They should have enough freedom by now to do things by themselves.

Im not sure what “unstructured time at home” is? Do you mean to say you provide your children with a timetable and demand they are doing certain things at a certain time?!

This sounds great, thanks for the advice

So when your DH decided to work away all week did he consider this at all? Or did he leave it to you to figure out what to do?

I don't dictate a routine at all! My 13 and 11yos come in (have a key, sometimes me or their df is wfh sometimes not) they make their own snacks and occupy themselves. They do text me that they're home safe.

They know what they have to do each evening (homework, make a packed lunch for the next day etc), they can choose to do if when they get in, or I can nag them to do it when I get home.

Sometimes my 13yo will cook tea.