Good friends

[Busymomof3]

So to give context friends for many years.
I have younger family her kids all grown up.
We get on well and are great company to each other as were both single.
Would go for coffee the odd spa day.
Often she has canceled especially if I want to plan day to beach with kids especially.

Lately last few mths I find she's very insulting to the point where I'm questioning if we are really friends have discussed this with close friends of mine and their like shocked she would say such a thing.
Undermines me in my parenting eg I bought new shoes for DS.
Anytime he gets something new not that offen unless needed did u get DD her news shoes I had just hadn't told her!!.
This does happen quiet a lot with her.
Or my younger DS is waiting or be assessed for ASD has many traits of it on the milder scale she will say it's he's behavior!!so basically my fault!!.

What would you do?or think?

Thanks for reading
Busymomof3

I'm sorry I find your post quite hard to follow but if you don't enjoy her friendship anymore then just stop seeing/talking to her.

Sorry no probs it's the way iv written it up just feel she's not been a real friend for a while now had a special birthday she wouldn't go!! As there was one or two going she didn't like I mean that happens but it stung tbh that she didn't want to be a part of it.
I always make the effort with her birthdays.

I get it I mean we can go to different get togethers and there could be ppl we may not get on with but you just get on with it i think.

She sounds awful, @Busymomof3. I don’t know why you’re nothing with her still. I hope you get some answers with your DS. (My DD wasn’t diagnosed until 16 - it’s often subtler with girls. I wish I had pushed harder earlier as it would have been easier for her to adjust to.)

Yeah it's hard now but I am quiet lonely and a lot of friends are married living their own lives also I'm a single mom so it's hard as I like company but she has gotten worse the last few months with her comments.
My DD also I had ASD but no diagnosis either 😭

Regarding her dropping out of plans where you invite your children, that doesn't really surprise me. I'm sure your children are lovely but many people don't like being around other people's children.

Regarding her unsolicited comments on your parenting or purchases, perhaps stop mentioning what you've bought for the children. If she makes comments on your child's behaviour then just say, he's waiting for an assessment and I'm doing my best and change the subject.

Practise a few stock phrases for when she makes unsolicited comments.

Thanks for your reply yes that's what il do or change the subject when she asks about kids etc yes I totally get it some people don't want to be around someone else's kids that's fine 2.
But I notice some Friend's that we all went out together she meets without me now as well especially one in particular 3, of us would do cinema or coffee and I don't get asked anymore.
Yes i will swiftly change subject in relation to DDs assessment.

It sounds as if you have an adult friendship and you are trying to shape it into a more family based friendship. Can you stick to coffee and spa days, it's what works for both of you?

You know she doesn't want to join you on family trips to the beach, that's actually ok. If you want to have her as a friend, accept the dynamic that works for both of you. I'd personally try as the all-consuming young kid years can cause you to feel less like an independent adult and don't last forever. It's up to you though.

Thanks for your reply it actually makes more sense now thank you I guess we all think differently and I have to think her family is grown up whereas mine are still young and it's busy.
So it's best to stick with meeting up separately spa days coffee cinema.

And not tell her as much about me and kids going forward.

Sounds like you've found a sensible solution going forward. Coffee, lunch, cinema, events without children if possible as it seems like she prefers that. Don't discuss the children too much and change the subject if she gives advice.

I hope it works out for you.

Yep Definitely thanks again 😊