To think DH is not putting his foot down

[Janemalle68]

Hi all,

I am currently 6 days postpartum and I am still recovering both physically and emotionally. I had quite a stressful pregnancy therefore I am keen to enjoy this time in our newborn bubble as I appreciate we will never get this time again. I also had an episiotomy which as you can imagine I am struggling with and trying to heal from.

DH’s parents came to see the baby when he was 2 days old and quite frankly outstayed their welcome. I had expressed to DH that I do not want anyone but us to kiss the baby, however he did not set any boundaries before they visited so during the visit both grandparents kissed the baby on the face, passed the baby backwards and forwards between each other and did not even pass the baby back to me when he started crying, nor did they ask how I was feeling.

I have also felt push back from MIL regarding arranging visits around her work schedule, despite the fact we have appointments and I have expressed I am still in recovery and would like to keep visitors to a minimum.

AIBU to ask DH to set boundaries and explain I need to prioritise my mental health and recovery during this period? How can I address how I’m feeling to him?

Honestly sorry but you are not the first woman to give birth yes it's sore to have a scar downstairs but sorry you seem to not like mil and thinking of any excuse not to see her I mean wanting to be in a new born bubble fine she is probably excited to see baby .just go to sleep when they in and if baby needs fed hubby can bring baby to you . The kissing on face yes not so good on a new born .just say do you think you could kiss baby on head instead job done .x

Do they know that babies have died from cold sores? Not good
Traumatised mum reveals how baby girl nearly died after relative kissed her lips - Mirror Online

your feeling are valid. Talk to your husband. Agree on boundaries. He explains to his family. You explain to your family. For example no kissing, baby goes back to you or husband when crying etc.

I was the same with visitors. My Fil would just turn up unannounced at random times. Sometimes when i am breastfeeding or about to eat. My husband said something and i would get a picture when he is outside my apartment building. Create timeslots so if they want to visit then it is this time. If it doesnt work because of work then too bad. Maybe during a time where you can have a nap or a walk.

They are just excited but get your husband to deal with boundaries because you will resent it. I do and it affects how i view his family

What?
Of course she’s not the first woman to give birth. She’s allowed to want to be in a “newborn bubble” and husband should be making the boundaries very clear with his parents. She’s 6 days postpartum, ffs.
Your username makes me worried about any daughter in laws…

I'm so sorry you're not feeling supported. Everything you said is completely how I felt. Be your own advocate. And it bloody hurts recovering from what you've been through. I've been there. Make it absolutely clear they if they don't respect your rules then there's no way you're happy with them coming. It's a hard fight but trust me my kids two years now and I'm more respected as her mum than when she was born as I was very very clear it's my way or the high way! Your child not theirs

What a shitty, dismissive comment.

Obviously OP isn't the first woman to give birth, but it's a toxic and frankly misogynistic idea that she should have to make herself uncomfortable, newly post partum, to please her ILs.

OP, stand your ground.